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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

son left with trousers on wrong way and unfastened all day

107 replies

Joyx2boys · 27/10/2018 15:19

Hi I received a letter from my child's school which said he would be starting a outdoors activities block with the dates for commencement, ans stated "to help your child successfully participate in sessions can you send them to school with the following items on each of these dates" a list of outdoor clothing followed. there was no time mentioned or if he needed a change of clothing. I dressed him in warm clothes with wellies & put his school clothes in his school bag in case he needed them and took him to school. at 3pm I went to collect him, he came out wearing his school clothes which were filthy and his trousers were on backwards! his head was hung low and he said look and turned around to show me that his trousers were not fastened and his underwear was clearly visible, he said the outdoor learning was after lunch so they told him to get changed when he arrived. he'd put his trousers on the wrong way, but instead of his teacher telling him to go sort them she left him to sit in class all morning like that, and he went to lunch and play like that as well. after lunch when the class was told to change into there outdoor clothing another teacher told him just to put his jacket on and his scarf & gloves, so he spent the entire out door activities trying to stop his trousers falling down. I asked my son how he felt about it and he said he was sad :( I went into school and asked to talk to his teacher who said we assumed you'd know the activities are always in the afternoon, (I don't attend them and have never had a letter saying there in the afternoon) then she said I'm not here to dress your child, she was quite abrupt about this. which made me really angry but I'm not good at confrontation. I phoned and asked the assistant head about it and she said "you spoke to his teacher, i'm not sure what more I can add?". I'm not sure what to do? my child was degraded and he was left at risk of being injured, because he struggled all day to hold his trousers up. he also comes home a lot with his shoes on the wrong feet, i'd spoke to his teacher about that last yr and she say's we like them to have independence. I will not leave it like this but not sure what to do about it? they are still being independent if the teacher say's you have your shoes/trousers on the wrong way swap/turn them around, children's feet are growing having shoes on the wrong feet for long periods of time is surely damaging?

OP posts:

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FortniteIsTheNewCrack · 27/10/2018 17:10

I went to work once with none matching shoes on. I was 35 at the time.

Cachailleacha · 27/10/2018 17:11

Children should be able to dress themselves by Reception age (assuming no SEN). Does he dress himself at home? Trousers are easy to get on the right way compared with other clothing like jumpers.

FortniteIsTheNewCrack · 27/10/2018 17:11

Actually just last week DH came home from work with his top on inside out (he's 46). When I pointed it out to him, he said he knew but thought it was bad luck to take it off and put it on correctly. I blame his mother.

Labradoodliedoodoo · 27/10/2018 17:12

How old is he?

Bluetrews25 · 27/10/2018 17:21

Sheesh.
Just deleted my own posts (before posting) for being sarcastic. (Anyone else do this?)
Cancel The Cheque.

ChipsAndKetchup · 27/10/2018 17:21

I don't necessarily agree with all the posters saying that reception age kids can dress themselves. My son is summer born and struggles with taking off his t-shirt and is hopeless with zips and buttons. Just because YOUR kid can do it doesn't mean ALL kids can do it. It doesn't make the OP lazy, thick or any other insult you've all chucked at her FFS.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 27/10/2018 17:23

@ChipsAndKetchup it doesn't mean she's lazy or thick at all.

But we do have a responsibility as parents to make sure our children can do these basic tasks!

Teachers can't be responsible for getting them dressed and undressed. They don't have the time and doing that eats into the activity time.

titchy · 27/10/2018 17:24

If he struggles to get dressed a) why on Earth aren't you making him practice at home, and b) buying elasticised waist trousers rather than zipped ones?

Nandocushion · 27/10/2018 17:24

I agree that calling the assistant head was probably a bit much, but aside from the fact that this is a good teaching moment for you, I am slightly shocked that the teacher couldn't be asked to find a few seconds to notice your son's clothing and instruct him to go change it. Sure, it's not a teacher's "job" to teach him how to dress himself, but I volunteer in an inner-city school where the students have all sorts of challenges and if the teachers there took such a jobsworthy attitude to everything then many of the children would be leaving their elementary school years still snacking on sand from the playground because it technically wasn't anyone's job to tell them not to. She didn't have to dress him herself, just instruct him to fix it. That's hardly out of the ordinary for a teacher.

ItWasntMeItWasIm · 27/10/2018 17:26

Bit odd that he was told not to change into his outdoor clothing.

ChipsAndKetchup · 27/10/2018 17:28

@Thesnobbymiddleclassone I agree with you. But for the life of me I can't get my son to master buttons. He's pretty much in the shit on PE days next term when they can't wear summer polo shirts anymore. But it will be a learning curve and he will get there. The older kids in his class can do it.

It's not a parenting fail though if the child is struggling.

Pieceofpurplesky · 27/10/2018 17:30

I would guess he is year 1 as the OP refers to 'last year'. He should be able to put his trousers on the right way round. Unless any specific Sen.

Bluetrews25 · 27/10/2018 17:34

If your DCs have proper, buttons all the way down shirts and ties, then they very quickly learn to just undo the top 2 buttons, take it off, then put it back on and just slide the tie up again to hold collar roughly in place if they can't manage the top buttons in time. Looks a bit scruffy, but job done.

Seniorschoolmum · 27/10/2018 17:34

My ds came home frequently with clothes on back to front or inside out in years 1&2.Mostly on PE days.
Reception in our school don’t get changed and by year 3 he could dress himself quickly & accurately.
It was quite normal. Plenty of kids did it and just thought it was funny.

Help your ds practice getting dressed and don’t make a fuss about it in front of him.

Cachailleacha · 27/10/2018 17:57

ChipsAndKetchup Teach him to only undo the top two buttons then over the head.

SoyDora · 27/10/2018 18:03

If he realised they were on back to front and was ‘sad’ about it, why didn’t he switch them himself?

FilledSoda · 27/10/2018 19:12

So how old is he ?

user789653241 · 27/10/2018 20:46

OP, it's ok to feel upset about things happened to your dcs. Nothing wrong with that, we all do. Important thing is reading all these comment from us strangers and think about it.
I think majority think it's not a big deal, it happens. And some have given you a great tip how to help your dc.
Hope you take this thread in positive way.

Original poster

Joyx2boys · 27/10/2018 21:06

My son is in p3 and is going through test as he is uncoordinated and is unable to retain info that he's given, and has trouble understanding simple tasks which the school know about as they have referred him to a specialist, he is unable to read or write and is bullied at school, I did not say I was sad about what happened, my son said he felt sad about it, I also did not say I expect the teacher to dress my child, I said I feel she could have told him his trousers were on wrong and sent him to sort them, instead of him spending 6hrs with his bottom hanging out, not to mention if they'd fallen down while he was walking he could have been injured, why did the other teacher stop him from changing back into his out door clothing when the class was told by his own teacher to go and put there outdoor clothing on, he can fasten his clothing when he gets them on correctly, it is not a difficult task for a teacher to say you've got them on wrong go change them.

OP posts:

Original poster

Joyx2boys · 27/10/2018 21:30

Oh and it's a very small village we live in the class is p3/4 with less than 20 kids in the class. I work with him every day showing him how to dress, going through the alphabet, words sentences, numbers, life everything I possibly can to help him I send him to gymnastics to help with coordination, I am in constant contact with his doctors trying to find out why he is having so much trouble, I read to him every night and get him to try words, he doesn't have friends as he is unable to socialise properly with other children, he can become violent when he gets frustrated he punches himself or others but mostly himself, and I hold him & talk to him gently to calm him down, he is not neglected or left to get on with it, he is loved and supported, and told off when need be.

OP posts:

Josiebloggs · 27/10/2018 21:31

Actually regardless of a childs age or needs I think a teacher should offer help or guidance to a child who is struggling or in distress. I cannot believe teachers or mid days didn't notice his trousers were back to front, undone and he was in some discomfort and I think one of them should have stepped in. No, I agree, teachers should not have to dress children but they DO have a duty to ensure they are cared for to a reasonable degree and that has not happened here. I would complain in writing about a basic lack of care making reference to the schools concerns about your son.

Bunnybigears · 27/10/2018 21:33

And you didnt think telling us he had additional needs was relevant and might change the responses you received?

Original poster

Joyx2boys · 27/10/2018 21:50

whether a child has additional needs or not, no child should be left for 6 hrs with there bottom hanging out the back of there trousers, I am a senior care assistant I do the risk assessments for our service users we have people of all ages some who need help with day to day life others like children that we take out to give a single parent breathing space, we would not be allowed to leave anyone with there trousers like that because of the risk of an accident not to mention everyone is entitled to there dignity, it would be all over the papers if we took a kid to the park with there bottom hanging out the back of there trousers. they took my child out in the local community like that.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 27/10/2018 22:02

Ok that was a bit of a drip feed op. And yes it would change the responses.

Ok what is he seven or eight and he has additional needs? I would agree that the school should have helped him as a kindness, it's cruel to leave him like that if they know he isn't going to go to the loo and change them himself.

Is there any way to try to ask for additional support for him at school? I mean more holistic support for his needs.

Can you ask for a meeting with the head or assistant head to discuss what wider support may be available for him?

Bluntness100 · 27/10/2018 22:04

Also has he had any referrals? What is the doctor and the school saying?

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