Wish my summer-born hadn't just missed out on deferred start

[Echobelly]

What is says really. DS is August born and it was only the year after he started school that they introduced deferred starts for summer-borns and I feel so annoyed sometimes that he missed it. We asked at the end of Y1 whether he might re-do a year when it was clear he wasn't just catching up, but it just seems not to be the done thing and they basically wouldn't consider it. DH is raising it again now he's in Y3 but I think honestly it's too late and would be too stigmatising anyway. He enjoys school and reads OK for his age, but can still hardly write and barely understands maths (like literally doesn't understand that there are patterns of numbers and you can use the same methods to come to different answers etc), although the penny is starting to drop a bit more lately. And a lot of the time he gets something, and then forgets it again. He hates making any mental effort and everything seems very hard for him.

He says he feels OK about Y3 but he's suddenly been aggressive and hurting other kids since term started, which is not characteristic of him, and we're worried about him getting further and further behind. The school does what it can, but it just seems the underlying problem is that he is being made to do stuff he's not ready for and would have been better off starting a year later.

Can you afford private? Or even homeschooling?

Can't afford private (but also fall into the gap where we can't get any financial help with it either), though there is a possibility I may come into some money this year and it just occurred to me that perhaps, on the very off chance I get it and it's enough, we could look into whether he could restart Y3 privately, although I don't know if private school Y3 would just be over his head as well.

Home schooling - no way on earth, even if one of us couldn't work both of us are terrible, impatient teachers ourselves and we'd all hate it.

What have the school done? Has anybody considered that the issue isn’t that he’s a summerborn, but that he has an underlying issue?

They looked into it a bit in Y1 - ed psych evaluation suggested maybe some difficulties with 'expressive language', which we perhaps need to follow up - basically he has a fairly big vocab but finds it difficult to describe things and put his thoughts into words, although that's got a bit better since then. I gather it is something they grow out of, but maybe should follow up.

He's been given extra motor skills, reading and maths support. He's near the bottom of the pile but they feel he has been making acceptable progress from his baseline.

I do sometimes wonder about ADD (not ADHD) - he's not hyperactive, but seems to find concentration and coordination hard

so unfair. Because he is young and probably started school with most of the learning going over his head he probably now feels overwhelmed.

Ours is a July born and was nowhere near ready to start in reception at just aged 4 but he's catching up slowly now in year 2. I think teachers or especially at our school understand theres a clear difference between boys/ girls and younger older in the same year so they cater for this. Just keep your communication going with the teachers etc and I'm sure theyl let you know if any intervention needs to take place.

My Ds is a summer born and just gone into year 4. He's doing ok a admeically now and is about middle of the class. I often wonder where he'd be if it was in the year below.

Reception was quite hard going but I would say but Christmas of year 1 you couldn't really see a difference between him and the rest of his class
If your son is struggling to grasp mathematical concepts such as you describe I wonder if there is something else going on rather than just being young.

My y2 dd also struggles with some maths - specifically add/subtract 10+.
It's hard to keep all the different things going reading/spelling/maths/writing.
I know SB can struggle, but that is more a trend of overall doing slightly worse than being significantly behind.
Maybe look at some workbooks/online things?

Yep, same here. And we've got dyslexia thrown in too.

If you are near other schools that could be realistic possibilities, do try to make an appointment to go in and chat with their head teachers. You may find one that 'gets it' and is supportive of a transition to the year below.

I can see that it would be more challenging to do it at the same school, both because the management don't seem that supportive and because it would be tough to have the rest of your class move up while you stay in the same year.

But I think your gut instinct is completely correct in your last paragraph and that you should follow it up in any way that you can.

Have you looked at dyslexia?
The memory / processing/forgetting/ working hard etc tucks loads of dyslexic boxes

Nessy.com has a free tool this week (dyslexia awareness week) it's a series of games to play online to give you a deeper understanding

Worth a look

Even though theoretically you can defer summer borns, in practice heads will still say no.

I have two late summer borns who would have been bored to tears with deferred entry. Different children need different things but it doesn’t sound entirely like a ‘summer born’ issue.

@Orlande Many heads will agree to it.

I'm very happy that I asked. Some heads do need information as they aren't aware of how it all works or think it will be a hassle (e.g. the misconceptions that the pupil may still need to take exams with the 'wrong' year group, or that they may need to go back into their chronological age group for secondary -- neither of which are true).

Obviously not all summerborn children are the same, but it can be a massive benefit to those who are either emotionally or academically unready. Certainly my summerborn child has thrived, where last year they would have struggled massively (and presumably developed a poor self-imaged based on not being able to do the things that many other children in their class could...)

@MsMotherOfDragons - interesting thought. Maybe we should try seeing if there's another state school that might take him a year back, I guess we could go on waiting list and we if he's caught up some more we wouldn't need it?

@GreenTulips - I don't think dyslexia, his reading is actually OK.

Basically, he comes to most things a bit late - his first word was same as his sister, but didn't really talk in sentences until shortly before school. Didn't crawl until 12 months and walk until 18 months. Aged 7 he's only really just mastered running.

Most people think dyslexics can't read - they can

www.dyslexia.com/about-dyslexia/signs-of-dyslexia/test-for-dyslexia-37-signs/

My 13yo is dyslexic, diagnosed in year 5! Reads brilliantly, not all dyslexics can't read...

Based on that last post, OP, I think he needs reassessing. Something isn’t right and it doesn’t sound like it has anything to do with him being summer born. That’s a fairly significant speech delay.

Did he have any SALT or OT input at all?

The problem with holding him back at this point is, that there’s a chance he’s going to struggle to keep up even if he repeats the year. I’m not sure that’s less demoralising than staying with the year group he’s in and trying to find out what help he needs to close the gap.

This is all very useful... we considered SALT but they all had very long waiting lists or available times/places we couldn't manage.

I've looked today at local recommendations for ed psychs - not cheap but it sounds worth it, and a few of the same names come up a few times.

@GreenTulips - thanks, those dyslexia signs are helpful, that does seem to fit a lot of what he does/is like.

I really feel for him. They should be wise enough to assess individual cases.
Teachers rarely give sumer borns the leeway they deserve. i remember a teacher telling me one parents' evening, 'LittlePaws2 is behind. His friend Adam could do this last October and it's April now.' I said: Adam was born in September and little Paws isn;t 6 until July, so he still has severalmonths to go befor ehe's 'behind' Adam at anything. Teacher looked so surprised, as if she just couldn;t work that out.

@Echobelly Some research suggests that dyslexia can be caused by trying to force children to read before they have developed the neural pathways that make reading natural to them. the brain has to find alternative neural routes, as the ones they need aren;t built, and it leads to problems with letter recognition. I don;t know if it;s true but it sounds possible. Apparently, countries where children don;t start school until later have far lower rates of dyslexia.

It doesn't surprise me that there's fewer reading issues in countries that start later - it really is far too young here.

Btw, another notable point about DS - he grasped letters in reasonable time, but took much longer to recognise numbers. DD could recognise all numbers under 10 when she was 3, DS still couldn't name them all by the end of Reception. And he was never 'interested' in numbers - not interested in saying how old he was before he was 6 (like most kids seem to be) or wasn't able to say, and would never remember our house number though we pointed it out to him regularly

Have you heard of/thought about Dyscalculia at all?

It's a specific learning disability like Dyslexia, but involving maths/number more.

This page has some signs/symptoms: www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/dyslexic/maths-difficulties-dyscalculia

Definitely check there is no underlying issues first. We've just had dd assessed for possible dyslexia she's in y3. It turns out she has visual processing disorder which affects her learning in similar ways to dyslexia.
A friend of mine has just taken her dd out of our state school at the end of year 3 and transferred her to a private school where she is starting at the beginning of y3 so redoing the year.
She was struggling so much and although it was hard decision to move her from her friends she seems to be settling well.

Yes, I have mooted dyscalculia before but I have been told even if you do get a diagnosis there's not any official pathway for helping it. It's interesting because my mum was a pupil who was very ahead in all subjects except maths, which she says she couldn't do at all, despite having parents who were very good at it

Have you considered getting him a tutor?