Wish my summer-born hadn't just missed out on deferred start

[Echobelly]

What is says really. DS is August born and it was only the year after he started school that they introduced deferred starts for summer-borns and I feel so annoyed sometimes that he missed it. We asked at the end of Y1 whether he might re-do a year when it was clear he wasn't just catching up, but it just seems not to be the done thing and they basically wouldn't consider it. DH is raising it again now he's in Y3 but I think honestly it's too late and would be too stigmatising anyway. He enjoys school and reads OK for his age, but can still hardly write and barely understands maths (like literally doesn't understand that there are patterns of numbers and you can use the same methods to come to different answers etc), although the penny is starting to drop a bit more lately. And a lot of the time he gets something, and then forgets it again. He hates making any mental effort and everything seems very hard for him.

He says he feels OK about Y3 but he's suddenly been aggressive and hurting other kids since term started, which is not characteristic of him, and we're worried about him getting further and further behind. The school does what it can, but it just seems the underlying problem is that he is being made to do stuff he's not ready for and would have been better off starting a year later.

Can I recommend the Numicon sets on Amazon

They are visual counting take away times plus 10 minus ten odd numbers

All very clear and easy to use (takes a couple of weeks for the kids to get used to the set but go great guns after - worth every penny

Dyscalculia is less well researched than dyslexia but I'm not quite sure what the school mean by saying there's "no official pathway for helping with it". If they have a child with a specific learning difficulty, they need to find strategies that work for that child not just follow a "pathway". If your child has SEN and isn't coping well in school, then the school need to do something about it- they can't just wash their hands of certain issues!

There's some suggested strategies for helping with dyscalculia here as well: www.sess.ie/categories/specific-learning-disabilities/dyscalculia/tips-learning-and-teaching . Some of them might be things you could try at home?

Echobelly - really empathise.

Have you tried power of 1 and 2? For mathematics.

Also word wasp - spelling/writing

Sending good vibes.

Thanks @pigcon - will look those up

Certainly considering tutoring, I'm thinking we might want to try a few to see if anyone's good at making a difference, as some people have told me that sometimes you just find there is one person who is able to explain maths properly to your child! DH is very good at maths, but basically too good to teach him as he gets so frustrated at DS's inability to understand it.

It could be discalculia. or he could just be summer born. DS2 (July born but also prem, so should have been August) refused to write his name for years. He wouldn't form letters correctly, never put a capital lette rn the front of his name. This went on for years. teachers nagged and nagged us ot practise at home. We did but not much as he was so resistant and I didn't want to turn it into an issue. He now loves English and is taking it to A level. Some kids are slow starters.

I still hope he may just be a slow starter. He seems bright generally, he can follow quite complex stories and when he had the ed psych assessment in Y1 he came out as very able on non-verbal reasoning tasks.

He's started piano lessons recently (at his own request) and I am hoping music might be something that helps bring other skills together.

Hello everyone, newby here!

I want to defer my 3 year old next year as he is a June baby. I have read the guidance and all but apart from the document they advise you to read there is no-one you could ask questions or ask how to go about the whole business. So basically go through the process as normal and then I need to talk to the Headteachers of each school I chose or wait to know if we got our first choice and then ask to talk to the HT? Or write a letter? What I don't really understand is that even if they agree, the school cannot guarantee the place for the following year, so I what's the point in talking to the HT then? Is it so that if my son gets a place again in the same school then he is allowed to go as a 5 year old? As you can see lots of questions! Would really appreciate any advice or info.

Thank you!

Hi there. I don't really have any advice on how to actually begin this procedure, I think you're best just doing research. is it purely because your child is a summer baby or you feel they're not ready for school? my son is a July born and was nowhere near ready for school and I was so worried. He seemed so young compared to others his age. I didn't even know you could defer til I spoke to another mum up at the school which he later went to. Apparently it's not well known and they don't like to do it.?? I was told though that they'd have to enter into year 1 if they started a year earlier and miss reception class so that to me defeated the object anyway! My son needed extra help and was behind the 'expected' stages for his year but wasn't behind everyone in the class. Now he's year three and it's unbelievable how he's caught up. I'd just hang on in there. Apparently they all catch up in the end with the first few years more difficult but then theyl get it. There's a big difference to some of my sons friends and himself but then again some are a full 10 months older than him so it's to be expected. Good luck.

Got an interesting insight into what might go on in the classroom yesterday... we asked a friend who is a tutor over to do a session with both our kids in case tutoring might be helpful, and we both watched a bit of him with her. Was pretty instructive... he does engage, but kind of on his own terms - he guesses and shouts things out, he asks if he can colour in a different bit to what he's being asked to do. He kind of flimflams basically, to cover that he doesn't know what's going on, and I think none of it seems obnoxious or particularly disruptive, but like he's avoiding the point, and I think in a classroom situation, it could well hide the difficulties he's in, as it does give an illusion of being engaged and I wonder if people sometime give in and feed him the answers after he's guessed repeatedly.

I was also reminded of another thing that we've noticed before, which is that it's like he doesn't understand things have to be done a certain way - he tries to write things in the way he wants to write them, and I think he makes up his own idea of how maths works and wants to use that. I think I need a talk with him again about why everyone has to do certain basic things, like maths and writing, the same way, because otherwise nothing would work and we wouldn't understand each other! Because we did get his writing to improve for a bit (backslid now) when we explained he had to do 'proper writing' and not '[his name] writing'.

Thank you for the replies. That's actually my concern, as a teacher myself (although secondary) I know that you need to conform, it's a room full of children and we need to do things in a certain way if they are to learn something in one hour. I want him to enjoy it, that is my.biggest concern, that his behaviour is deemed as naughty or that he gets the not very patient teacher and he ends up disliking school purely because he is not emotionally ready for it. He may be academically but I'm certain he won't be emotionally. That's why I want to deferrl him and I was able to find out a bit more the other day when we went to an open day - the lady showing us said that it was our choice ( that made me so happy!) So schools are more open to it than before. Every person I've spoken to about have regretted not defering, I am still to meet or talk to someone who regrets defering, would be insteresting to hear as many experiences as poss before deciding next April.

Listening to all that you’ve said, I would be looking at DCD (dyspraxia). It is far more than ‘trips over a lot’. It can go through all elements of learning and life. Organisational and processes get muddled, his way of coming up with his own version of approaching a logical problem, lots of what you have said could be DCD. Have a little google, see what you think. School can refer to the OT or physio or child development centre in your area. Prepare for a long wait, it’s all massively underfunded which sucks.