teacher comments 'grow up'

[katpla]

Having concerns about sons newly qualified teacher.
He told my 9 year old son 'oh just grow up'

After a disagreement with another pupil over a correct answer sir shouted (ok fine, if need be) and when son tried to explain he was told to just grow up.

I've also heard he used the phrase 'what the hell.....'
I find this to be inappropriate at this age and am concerned the damage this sort of language/communication will have on my sensitive sons confidence.

Any thoughts?

"Oh, just grow up" ....can't really say, since we don't know the context.

":what the hell.." ...well my ds has learned that phrase despite we never really use that at home. Can you be 100% sure that you and others close to him inside/outside of school never use that kind of expressions?

Your son might we’ll hav been behaving in a way that was immature. If that’s what they said, it’s not really a big deal, surely? A little over protective perhaps?

My thoughts are... Just grow up. Neither of those statements will harm your child.

I once told my own DS to grow up, he was 5 at the time 😂

How do you feel about your son's behaviour?
Maybe go and ask the teacher what your son was actually doing at the time.

You make a point of saying newly qualified. I’ve noticed parents be hypercritical of any possible issue with NQTs whereas if it were Ms Experienced Teacher it would be shrugged off.

Grow up to a 9 year old isn’t the worst thing ever said. Tell your DS not to bicker in class.

Thanks for responses

I've every respect for NQT's and the energy and enthusiasm they bring to the classroom.

My son has never been one to behave out of turn in the classroom and I've only ever been told his behaviour is good.
From what I've seen personally the school have always encouraged children to have their say, admit their part, apologise if need be, make up and move on. Which I think is great.
In this instance neither child where allowed an opinion and told to just grow up.
Personally I'm not happy with that, however taking comments on board I'll just keep an eye on it all.

Oh, as a secondary teacher am I absolutely fed up of children expecting to be able to have their say all the time. Makes sense if it’s the primaries encouraging it, I was blaming the parents.

In the classroom, it is not appropriate to be wanging on about trivial stuff to the teacher when they need to be getting on with the lesson. Think of it as preparation for secondary!

Your son was arguing with another child in a lesson.

I can't see many teachers stopping teaching to ask for opinions and allow the children to reflect on who was at fault.
Basically your child needs to stop arguing and just got on with his work.

When my son got told to stop behaving like a 3 year old by his swimming teacher, I did follow it up. He was having an autistic meltdown. Call me precious all you like, I think it was shaming and unnecessary.

I wouldn't be too worried about the "what the hell" and they can't always be free to express their opinions. Sometimes they do need to just be quiet.

He’s never behaved out of turn? What never?
He was probably behaving in an immature way. Hence grow up. Maybe taking in a silly voice or arguing with another student over nothing of any consequence.
TBH I’m amazed my youngest has never caused a teacher to exclaim FFS. She’s no nightmare. But like most children can occasionally be exasperating.

Just expressing my concerns and know my son.

Same teacher has had kids stood in the corner facing the wall and told them I'm fed up of seeing your face!!!

These kids are still in primary school and in my opinion the way a teacher speaks to the class has a big impact on their education.

He's never behaved out of turn in the classroom.

He has, he really has.

They all have. Even the ones that the teacher says are "good" or "well behaved".

I agree with the teacher grow up

Your son is nearer secondary than the beginning of primary tbh. You might want to start encouraging a bit more maturity and self-criticism of behaviour rather than supporting (and indeed believing) every version of every event.

And you know your son OUTSIDE the classroom. You have not the foggiest idea of what he's like in it.

If you are unhappy about a specific incident involving your son then speak to the teacher and follow complaints procedure if you’re unhappy.
TBH it sounds like you have it in for this teacher and are convinced your child can do no wrong. Don’t speak to anyone at the school with that attitude.

I teach secondary and use the phrase “grow up” when required. He’s 9, if he was acting like a 5 year old he needed to grow up!
I doubt it was said with any spite.

Your last post suggests the teacher isn't controlling his temper enough, so I would write a letter to the head. The teacher can get help from his NQT mentor to resolve the issue. It's a tough job and he clearly hasn't honed his skills in disciplining without humiliating students.

I remember having a teacher when I was 8 who occasionally used to use slightly salty language similar to 'what the hell' (nothing awful or sweary obviously) and who every now and again would lose his rag a bit and make somebody stand in the corner. But we LOVED him! He was kind and SO funny and really believed in each one of us.
He was the kind of really good unorthodox teacher who they make films about. Real Dead Poets Society stuff, and I still remember him fondly now I'm in my early 40s!

I reckon it's more important whether the teacher is passionate about what they do and talented at teaching, than whether each and every thing they say is 100% Mary Poppins perfect. Does your DC like the teacher most of the time? Are they doing a good job?
Reckon it might be worth sleeping on it and seeing how you feel in the morning. In your position I would probably not say anything.

I've no intention of going in all guns blazing and would certainly be asking about ds behaviour and also explain his personality.
At the moment he's not happy and pretty anxious.
If I need to have a conversation so he gets the best out of his education then I will do. That's my main concern, happy, relaxed kids in a structured and fair atmosphere learn better. And I do know no kid is perfect

Why do you need to explain his personality?

Just grow up - perfectly fine to say to any pupil who is behaving immaturely.

I wouldn't expect teachers to say things like what the hell but if it's a one-off I'd leave it.

If they were squabbling I would say oh grow up is an appropriate response.

Because he's a sensitive slightly anxious child who's confidence has been very easily shattered in the past, previous teachers and Myself and his dad have worked hard to build that up and I want him to understand that. I'm by no means saying don't tell him off or treat him with kid gloves, that's not how the world works but we are all different

Honestly I would be looking at ways to build his resilience. No child should be bullied or made to feel stupid by a teacher. But the world won’t treat him differently because he’s a sensitive and slightly anxious child. Shame though that is.