Heart breaking- my little girl told me she has no friends

[Nanodust]

My daughter is a lovely, sensitive little girl. She often looks out for others, shares and it has been commented on how gently she is with some of the kids who have autism at school and who need to be around calm children.
We noticed that she seemed to be making friends who are in primary 1 (her siblings year) or in the year or two above hers. We gently suggested she make friends in her own peer group too. She made a friend in her class who moved away last year.
Tonight she burst into tears telling me how much she missed her friend. She said that the other girls in her class are often mean to her and won’t let her join in. She has told me that she plays okay with the boys but the girls. Today she told me one of the girls looked under the loo door and then told everyone about her knickers and they were all laughing at her.
She is 7 and I’m trying to offer advice, but I don’t know what to do. I moved from city to city, school to school growing up so never formed those critical friendships which means I don’t have close friends. I don’t want that for her, it can be very lonely.
Are there things I could do to help her? I’ve tried to be friendly with the parents of some of the kids but they haven’t been very friendly back. I’ve tried a few play dates and their kids come over but they never return the invite to my daughter.
Anyway, does anyone have tips or been through this and can offer advice? Thank you.

As a dinner lady I would suggest maybe talking to more senior management because we never speak to the class teachers, where as we do see the head etc. Lunchtime is obviously a big area where these situations can occur I find it really helpful if a parent makes us aware of issues there child has so we can provide any support needed.

nano my dd is a year older and has been through a v similar situation. It also got to the bullying stage. The school v much brushed it under the carpet. My dd was coming home in bruises and at one point another child bit her (the school did respond to this ). My dd started to display signs of selective mutism. Little rural school.

I told all the parents I could (also a ft worker and single parent). I wanted everyone to be aware as I knew most parents would be mortified if they thought their DC was involved (I didn't say anything names). I had one parent try to tell me it was my dd's fault. I certainly and v publicly (in the pub) put him right. I also invited anyone she kind of got on with around and had so many days out with them over the summer.

Since going back last week she is a different kid. She is so confident and happy. She has been invited twice to tea after school at friends houses. She has even put herself forwards for form captain! I am so so happy for her.

I am sure you've done all the above. I'm not saying this is the answer. But just that mine appears to have come through the otherwise. I was about to move her to another school but was reluctant as her sister is so happy there. I made myself a nuisance at the school towards end of last year which I think made everyone look out for her about more too.

for you and for your lovely dd

Few typos. But hope it kind of makes sense

Also as a parent I know exactly what you're going through. Dd14 hs Autism, Dyspraxia and learning delay. Ds 11 is kind and sensitive. He also takes everything personally and doesn't understand that sometimes people are just joking but his over reacting made it escalate. He's now in year7 and is doing much better as with lots of different children.

First of all OP I'm sending a huge hug to you and your lovely daughter I know exactly what you are going through as I too have a lovely caring kind and thoughtful 'sensitive' child and it can be an emotional roller coaster at times but this post has actually made me realise I'm not alone and hopefully you know we are all here to support you too. Secondly though my advice would be to go straight into school tomorrow morning and insist on seeing the head teacher. That's three incidents now not only of bullying but seriously inappropriate behaviour- looking under the loo door, lifting her top and pulling down her pants. In no way should you daughter have to ever tolerate this unwanted physical contact and has to be stopped immediately. The school will have policies in place to deal with this. I would also be demanding a meeting with the child's parents (it would be interesting to see if it's the same child in all three instances) whom I'm sure will be mortified and put a stop to the behaviour and it will also let them know you are not going to stand for it. This is such a horrid situation op but stay strong and stick to your guns xx

one of the girls publicly pulled down her skirt and pants. However after speaking with her yesterday she had the confidence to tell her teacher and her and the girl who did were sent to headteacher.

The girl was made to apologise

Being made to apologize? She needs to have serious consequences, and her family needs to be getting a talking-to and a proper serious warning about this behavior. It is completely inappropriate and this child knows exactly what she is doing.

OP, you need to raise absolute hell about this. I am so sorry you and your child are having to deal with this.

OP in the longer term it isn't your dd that I am worried about, she sounds lovely as do you but the other DC who are behaving in this way, have mobile phones and are talking about boyfriends. My DC attended a few primary schools as we have moved a bit and none of them had DC like this. ( well sometimes there was chat about boyfriends but it was very innocent) Are there any other schools in the area you could consider if the school don't get a grip on this quickly ? All of the things you describe doing with your dd sound perfectly normal for a DC of her age, the school just might not be a good fit for her.

Did you manage to see the teacher today ?

Hoping your daughter had a better day.

Hope the meeting went well. I also hope the school put some kind of action plan in place. Check it's anti-bullying policy. I'd speak to the leader at Brownies and other activities too. Exclusion is how girls' bully, although this seems to be escalating .
I hope your DD is alright.

I had this when I was wee (about your DDs age) and it really fucked my relationships up well into my teens, twenties and only stopped in my thirties. That sounds super dire but I think you are handling this brilliantly and I am writing on the run so here goes as to what I think could help DD (I have no words for how piss weak the school sound so you need to try and do what you can domestically)

1. A PP suggested the Confidence Code - investigate that sharpish
2. Ditch brownies. My troop was just an extension of school, yay I can feel shit at 7pm too as well as 9am - 3pm.
3. Judo/tennis - I wish I had been encouraged to do a sport. Please make sure she is doing something like this she is actively enjoying and I really hope none of the school horrors are there
4. Basically, sport. It does wonders for confidence and PE in secondary school can become a best of anxiety for the introverted quiet child. If you could enroll her in something that maybe does team games (football?) then that could be a good plan if the shine comes off judo or tennis

My heart goes out to her and you. My DD is only two but for the first time the other week I saw her get “blackballed” by three wee girls (likely unintentionally) and it really stabbed my heart. Urgh.

My thoughts to you too xx

If you get nowhere with the teacher/head teacher about treating that incident as seriously as it warrants, then go to the chair of governors. Hope your dd is okay

Hi op I am so sorry to hear about the latest with your DD that is appalling, did you manage to speak to the teacher? I don't know what other advice to offer. Sorry if you already said upthread but who told you about this incident? was it your DD or the teacher? I hope your DD is ok you must be proud of her for having the confidence to tell someone.

The school need to be clear on what they are going to do to stop this bullying. Has it all been one child, a small group or everyone?

I can't imagine how I'd feel about going to work if sometimes people would look under the toilet door st me or pull my pants down. I think I'd refuse to go. Your dd is very brave, but she shouldn't have to put up with this.