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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Am I being a Snob?

36 replies

onlytheone · 27/05/2007 23:07

I have just posted on Switching School thread as my dilemma is similar but my DD is not yet at school! I am putting off selecting the local school purely for the reasons of many of the pupils coming from a large rough area of the village. The language is just awful outside the school gates and I cannot see myself standing there each day for 7 years. However, have visited and was impressed by teaching and also the Ofsted report where excellent progress is being made and high achievement. Instead I could send my DD to similar achieving school in next village with mainly middle class families. I feel awful that this is the only reason I would not use the local school especially as some of my DD's friends will be attending! Your opinions and experience would be very much appreicated!

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PrettyBetty · 27/05/2007 23:08

No experience I am afraid but I would take her to the next village... call me snob... i don't care!

Ladymuck · 27/05/2007 23:12

Yes, I think that you are being a snob. That doesn't necessarily mean that you are making a right or wrong decision.

handlemecarefully · 27/05/2007 23:14

I think my reaction would be the same as yours.

You might describe this as snobbish I suppose...

handlemecarefully · 27/05/2007 23:16

Essentially you should choose the school that you are most comfortable with. I wouldn't analyse your reasons too much for this - just go with gut feel (since both schools have comparable performance)

Original poster

onlytheone · 27/05/2007 23:21

if I send her to the other school, she will not be with 3 very good friends she has made since birth! I know friendships change and even the families could move out of the area but I feel pretty mean not sending her to her first school with her friends!

OP posts:

handlemecarefully · 27/05/2007 23:23

I don't think it matters at that age. New friendships will be forged remarkably quickly.

My dd's closest friend from Pre-School upped and left for Singapore the month before they were due to start Reception together. DD survived! (she still misses the aforementioned friend but she has made some lovely new ones)

Aero · 27/05/2007 23:25

I did not choose the school nearest to us for the simple reason that I didn't feel my ds1 would not have been able to cope in that school. It is in an area which I don't feel comfortable in for similar reasons that you mention. Pity really as it would have been so much handier to be able to walk to school etc, but it just wasn't the school for him.

You should choose a school which you feel your child will settle in and be happy with. Both ds1 and dd are happy in their school despite it not having the best OFSTED report, but that's largely down to leadership and management and is a whole other story!

ScummyMummy · 27/05/2007 23:37

I'd go for the nearer one and move if it turns out to be awful. Walking to school and close friends are a massive bonus, imo.

Otter · 27/05/2007 23:39

yes well said scummy

Desiderata · 28/05/2007 00:02

A friend of mine recently moved her ds to the 'rougher' school in the village because she couldn't stand all the middle-class snobs at the school gate.

I guess in terms of income and upbringing, she would be considered middle-class herself - but I have every respect for her decision. The school is nearer, and the Ofsted reports are just as good.

With regard to the swearing outside the school gates, raise it with the school in question. One well delivered assembly on the subject in swearing in public places will probably have a fairly large impact.

If no one says anything, it ain't gonna change.

colditz · 28/05/2007 00:09

Yes, but why ask? You're going to do it any way!

Aefondkiss · 28/05/2007 00:11

I moved house before my dd started school, from friends she has known since she was tiny, she is still upset about it 18 months later, misses her best friend so much, we are hundreds of miles apart now so we don't get a chance to visit very often.

I would say go to the school you are most comfortable with, though it does sound like you are being snobby, oyur dd can still see the friends she is closest to even if you send her to a different school?

colditz · 28/05/2007 00:11

FWIW, I have had friends question me sending my ds1 this year with "All the estate kids"

#Reality check.

He is an estate kid.

Clary · 28/05/2007 00:11

what scummy said.

SparklePrincess · 28/05/2007 13:37

I agree with scummy too.

nailpolish · 28/05/2007 13:41

just becuase there is a lot of swearing outside the school gates doesnt mean your child will become like that

you have influence over your child, no just peers and teachers

nailpolish · 28/05/2007 13:42

i cant believe you are judging a school on one fact - that people stand outside swearing

SparklePrincess · 28/05/2007 13:59

Would you want your dc`s exposed to swearing at school if there was another option available to you nailpolish?

hippmummy · 28/05/2007 14:08

Is it mainly the older kids doing the swearing? I'm just finding it hard to picture a group of 4-5 year olds (however rough the village) turning out of school yelling expletives!
If so, you'll probably find that there might be swearing at the end of the day at the other school too. Kids like to show off and let off steam when there are no authority figures around.

Do you think it could be the minority which are badly behaved and you may be blowing it out of proportion?

I personally think if the school is high-achieving and local, you have what many parents would give their right arm for. You have the added bonus that your daughter is guaranteed to be with her friends and will make friends with people who live close to her.

I wouldn't let a few unruly kids put you off.

And yes, you are being a snob, but you already know that

Lizzer · 28/05/2007 14:13

I thought you meant the mothers swearing at the school gates?! Is that what you meant?

After just going through this and getting dd into the coser school (which I have done a placement at too) Now I'm expecting no2 I would be v tempted to drive out to the second school - not sure yet as I'm sure I'll have other pressures to think about in 5 yrs time but if I had to choose again I'd go for number 2. The interaction with school friend outside of school doesn't matter as long as you make sure she has out of school activites such as rainbows or ballet/drama that type of thing. And invite children for tea after school. Go with your gut instinct and I'm sure she'll be happy good luck

DimpledThighs · 28/05/2007 14:21

up to you

lots of people worry about being a snob but if at the end of the day you will be happier with her at the other school that is what you are like and that is what you should do.

Why not see yourself as 'choosy' or 'picky' instead of snobbish.

BTW I am my children swear more than most but we are considered to be too posh for our local school.

nailpolish · 28/05/2007 14:23

just because a school is in a middle class area doesnt mean there is no swearing. or drugs. or bunking off. or smoking. etc.

i am confused - who is swearing? the parents or the pupils?

Nightynight · 28/05/2007 14:40

if the ofsted report is just as good, I would go with the rougher school, because its nearer to you.
you've got an awful lot of journeys to and from school to make.

and the other school might be full of snobs

DimpledThighs · 28/05/2007 14:54

tbh would much prefer the swearers to the snobs - life's rich tapas and all that

nailpolish · 28/05/2007 15:50

i would be worried my child would be singled out or even bullied in school for being from a different village which is slightly rougher. or not as middleclass. and then singled out at home for not going to the local school. iyswim.

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