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Original poster

AIBU to be angry about this?

52 replies

schoty77 · 06/07/2018 03:57

DD is in Year 4. She tried out for the school choir in February and did not make it, despite most of the other girls in her class getting in, including all her friends. It was a big deal to her, as this was the first year she was able to participate and has always been very musical. She asked the teacher why she didn't get in and was told she just wasn't good enough. I was sympathetic to her but assumed the other kids were just better!

Since Feb she has tried out twice more and failed to get in. Now I have a letter home saying she's been cast as the main role in the school showcase (musical) where she will be singing. Same choir teacher has written a comment about her 'great voice'.

I'm fuming. Daughter can't have a place in the choir (misses out on school trips/performances her friends go to) but can carry the school musical? AIBU to want to have strong words with this teacher?

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hodgeheg92 · 06/07/2018 04:07

Yes YABU to have "strong words" with this teacher. No YANBU to ask to discuss this calmly and politely with said teacher. That way you get your reason, perhaps your DD will get a place in the choir (once the teacher knows what it means to her) and you don't make a professional, who is no doubt just trying their best, feel rubbish.

MrsTiggyWrinkle · 06/07/2018 04:09

Yes something seems a miss here. She couldn't join the choir but she can sing lead in the musical? It makes no sense. I'd have words, but yes just try and stay calm though I imagine you've seen your DD so upset x

Original poster
schoty77 · 06/07/2018 04:24

I will of course be calm about it. I used to be a teacher myself so I understand the struggle and sympathize with her. I'm not usually one to complain (just vent online Grin) but I know several other mother's who have already this year.. was half hoping someone would tell me I was being completely U so I wouldn't have to as well.

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 06/07/2018 05:07

Some children are not really 'team players' in a choir situation. She is obviously talented, but could it be that she is tending to take over when working in a group situation? When I was at a high school there was a girl in our choir that no matter how many times she was talked to, would not stop singing louder than everyone else and wanted to always be front and centre. She made a great lead in the musical, but was awful in a group.

onmykneesandsinking22 · 06/07/2018 06:33

Strong words.... no, friendly, positive discussion....yes. I'd ask to have a chat, explain how much getting into the choir means to her and ask what she needs to work on in order to get in. It sounds as if possibly she has a big personality/voice which is not blending well with others. Could she join a choir outside the school to work on her group singing skills?

MarthasGinYard · 06/07/2018 06:48

Dd prep school choir is inclusive of everyone. I think it's extremely demoralising for one so young to get turned down for a school choir three timesShock

BarbaraWarpecker · 06/07/2018 07:52

Very odd. At our primary school, you'd have to be very badly behaved or completely 'tone deaf' not to get in the choir. At that age, it's more something inclusive for those who want to join in (and behave well). If your DC can sing and has been turned down 3 times then I would enquire as to the reasons.
Are you perhaps at a music conservatoire filled with musical prodigies aged7???!!??

RedSkyLastNight · 06/07/2018 07:53

I couldn't get past Y4 DC having to audition for a school choir ... surely music should be inclusive at that age?? Even more so, if even good singers fail to get in!

MarthasGinYard · 06/07/2018 07:56

'Are you perhaps at a music conservatoire filled with musical prodigies aged7???!!??'

This surely

Kokeshi123 · 06/07/2018 07:58

I would go to the teacher and see if a mistake has been made. Perhaps a different teacher was in charge of auditioning the choir, and just didn't like her singing style for some reason?

Bluntness100 · 06/07/2018 07:59

You shouldn't be "angry" "fuming" wanting to have " strong words". The teacher will have made the decision for a reason. So wanting to support your daughter is normal, but having a calm discussion on asking why she isn't being accepted to the choir is th way to go.

It could be she is very good on her own, but struggles to harmonise in a choir situation, and possibly tends to out sing the other kids. A choir is about working together with no one person dominating.

So be all means talk to the teacher, but do so on the understanding she may well have good reason and be willing to accept that reason.

PathOfLeastResitance · 06/07/2018 08:26

Perhaps this has been the intention all along?
If the teacher had chosen from within the choir then she would’ve faced criticisms of “always the same children....”

sirfredfredgeorge · 06/07/2018 08:27

but do so on the understanding she may well have good reason

However, if she does have a good reason, then you can rightly complain about the fact she was told she wasn't good enough if that wasn't the reason - and from described I cannot see how it was.

Bluntness100 · 06/07/2018 08:42

But she might not have been good enough. Singing in a choir is a very different skill set to singing solo...it involves harmonising, keeping pace, not outsinging others etc etc, it's not simply about can you sing or not.

sirfredfredgeorge · 06/07/2018 08:54

Then the specific feedback is "you cannot harmonise" or whatever, it is not "you're not good enough", that might be enough of a justification if the individual has amusia and can't reproduce any tones. If they have a "great voice" though, then specific constructive feedback about what can be worked on is required, and how that can be addressed.

GreenBrick · 06/07/2018 08:58

As a primary school teacher... we’ve only ever turned down those who visibly dislike it, muck around and whose parents use it for childcare against their wishes!

Go and have a chat

upsideup · 06/07/2018 09:04

My 11 year old dd is always asked to do solos for school and preform main parts for end of year musicals but she never gets into the choir.
Does your dd have singing lessons? Its more likely they thought her voice was better than the other kids so she would stand out too much than the other kids are better than her

PhilODox · 06/07/2018 09:07

I'm with bluntness- choral singing is completely different to solo singing, particularly in musicals!

My DD has a very strong voice, and at primary, in choir, we could always hear her, no matter what they were singing. She's now in a different, semi-professional choir, and the choir master is far more skilled at placing the strong voices, tempering them, and toning them down; in short she has become far more harmonious and "choral".

FrayedHem · 06/07/2018 09:26

I would approach it from the point of curiosity, how delighted DD is to get the part but you are perplexed why she hasn't made the choir. I would have thought the purpose of a school choir was to teach how to sing as part of group. Were the auditions solo?

Nuffaluff · 06/07/2018 09:55

In our school everyone is allowed in the choir. My friend (the music teacher) is grateful for whoever she can get.
Am auditioning choir at that age is ridiculous. All children should be encouraged to sing.
In the choir I’m in we have a few people who can’t sing at all and it doesn’t matter.

Imchlibob · 06/07/2018 10:07

Singing in a choir is a different skill than singing solo. It's unusual for a primary choir to be that picky but there could be a valid reason.

Moominmammacat · 06/07/2018 10:33

Maybe she has a strong voice and would stick out in a choir? But primary school choirs shouldn't be auditioned ... everyone should be allowed to join in regardless.

MarthasGinYard · 06/07/2018 10:40

Nuffaluff

Agree

Nuffaluff · 06/07/2018 10:50

This must be a mistake. Maybe the teacher has got her mixed up with someone else who can’t sing in tune? (But that shouldn’t matter anyway). If your daughter is a good singer, she must be able to make it into the choir.
I don’t agree with people saying that maybe her voice is too strong for the choir. She’s only young and should be given the opportunity to learn. You learn to blend in with the other voices. As someone with a strong voice myself, it’s something I’ve had to learn to do.
If she’s not allowed to try, how will she learn?

Quartz2208 · 06/07/2018 10:54

Has she definitely definitely tried out for the choir or has she just told you she has - it does seem weird

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