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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

can you give me some opinions please on these two incidents - am starting to have doubts about dd1's school

50 replies

harpsichordcarrier · 20/05/2007 20:54

DD1 starts school in January (deferred entry). School is v local to us and I debated a long time before putting her name down to go there. Anyway a couple of things have happened in the last few days which have made me very uneasy about the school and I wonder if I am being sensitive or have unrealistic expectations.
I was at a toddler group in the school hall on Friday when the head walked through on his way ot his office. One of my friends spoke to him to introduce herself - her ds has taken a place that has become free. Anyway, the head just launched into this whole spiel about - how lucky she as to get the place (she lives literally 200 yards away from the school) and she could consider it a great privilege to go there, that it is a very popular school, that the standards of discipline would be very different to those her son was used to at other school (rather sneery about this school, thought), that he had better knuckle down and do as he was told, that he expected her to be on time every morning and he wouldn't tolerate any lateness, and theere were lots of other people who would love that place... all this in front of all the other parents! now I know that she has had problems with discipline and lateness in the past and I thought this was a huge lapse of judgement on his part.
And yesterday another friend told me she went to her first parent's evening and entirely out of the blue the reception teacher told her that she was "at the end of her tether" with her dd because she wouldn't come when she was called! that the rest of the group would come but her dd would carry on playing and always needed to be asked again. my friend (who is a sensible sort btw) said this had never been mentioned before despite the fact she has seen the reception teacher countless times in the past months. Wouldn't it be usual to mention something like this before reaching the end of the tether? I know the reception teacher has some difficulty in communicating with adults, and I was rather surprised that she has refused (consistently) to visit the preschool to meet her new intake (the preschool is across the road.

sorry, long ramble but would appreciate your views/experiences

TIA

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Original poster

harpsichordcarrier · 20/05/2007 20:59

sorry I know this is VERY dull

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SenoraPostrophe · 20/05/2007 20:59

well, I'd be inclined to take a charitable view of the first episode: it sounds like the head was showing off. it was a lapse of judgement, but doesn't imply other problems.

I'd be more worried about the second thing, but again, notn in itself a huuuge deal.

if you changed school now you could easily send him to a school with worse problems but not know about them till it's too late iyswim. how is your dd for telling you what happens at school/nursery? if she tells you stuff it shouldn't be a problem as she'll let you know won't she?

Original poster

harpsichordcarrier · 20/05/2007 21:02

thanks SP, I think you're right. effectively that was the decision I cam to - better the devil you know etcetc. I know lots of the staff and parents and feel like I can have more influence on what's going on. the head has lots of good points but, frankly, I think he's a bit of a twonk.
dd1 is pretty good at ttelling me what is going on but the "end of the tether" thing worried me because dd1 is not your immediate obedience type

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cornsilk · 20/05/2007 21:03

Hmmm. I'd be wary if the Head isn't very approachable. The reception teacher might be a one off - the other teachers might be nicer. Why not ask to be shown round the school to get an idea of the general vibe?

Porpoise · 20/05/2007 21:05

Harpsi
I agree with you that neither incident sheds a very flattering light on the school. But I wouldn't jump to too many conclusions.
Head could have been having an off day or be like my dss' Head and just not very good a 'pitching' his spiel properly. And reception teacher could be ace but shy with adults.
I would give more weight to word of mouth, TBH
Is your friend otherwise happy with the school? Is her dd happy there? Do you know anyone else who has a child at this school at the moment?

Original poster

harpsichordcarrier · 20/05/2007 21:08

yes, I know lots of people at the school, they are very hot on discipline, which everyone seems very keen on but I wonder what that actually means in practice.
I had heard on many ocasions that the reception teacher isn't great with adults but I had always hoped that she would be great with the children. but this comment re my friend's dd has made me feel very doubtful. I mean, if she can't cope with a slightly wilful four year old not doing as she's told (and I know this girl ery well, she lives next door and she plays here a lot) and she is in NO WAY any kind of problem child. And yet she has brought her reception teacher to the end of her tether??

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beckybrastraps · 20/05/2007 21:09

I think we can get awfully hung up on cartain phrases. My ds's teacher told me she 'didn't understand how his mind worked'. I was so upset I almost cried. In fact, when I got home I did cry. And when I was talking to dh about it, he reminded me that this was one comment following a bunch of very positive feedback, and that I was daft for stressing over it. He also reminded me that when I saw parents at parents evenings, I also used to exaggerate for effect...

I shall do less of that in the future....

cornsilk · 20/05/2007 21:12

Sounds very like a school I chose not to send my ds to, for similar reasons. Any clues to the region? (Can't be the same one but you never know...!)

Original poster

harpsichordcarrier · 20/05/2007 21:14

I am in Oxfordshire...
bbs you may be right and my neighbour has focused on the phrase and now I am doing the same! but it isn't all that significant in reality.
I am feeling too too gloomy though and need to just put it out of my mind for the time being I think

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Porpoise · 20/05/2007 21:14

Maybe she meant 'at a loss' rather than 'end of tether'?
Dunno why I'm fighting her corner, though - don't even know the woman!
I'm probably a bit cynical but I reckon even good schools have bad bits about them. And that your kids are lucky to make it through primary without encountering one teacher (at least) who doesn't really 'get' them.
But if the school's local, your dd's friends go there, your friends are parents there, and it's generally considered a good school, it's probably all going to turn out fine

SenoraPostrophe · 20/05/2007 21:14

is she wiulful with other people as well as with you though harpsi? my dd is wilful, but is usually good as gold at school (althou the teacher told me last term she'd started being naughty sometimes: I choose to see that as a positive step though)

Original poster

harpsichordcarrier · 20/05/2007 21:15

yes, maybe but STILL at a loss??
I am just worried that she is used to compliant obedient children and dd1 is going to have a shitty time .

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Porpoise · 20/05/2007 21:15

Oh and about the meeting the new intake thing: isn't there an New Parents' Open Day or something in the summer where you get to meet the staff? Think most schools do this...

Porpoise · 20/05/2007 21:17

sensing that compliance and obedience are not your dd's strong points, then (good for her!)

WideWebWitch · 20/05/2007 21:18

Hmm.

The head is responsible for everything and makes a HUGE difference to the school. I think he was unprofessional, rude and out of order. If he had an issue he should have brought it up privately, NOT when she was merely trying to introduce herself. Poor woman.

I also think attitude comes from the top in schools as in organisations so reception teacher's attitude would have made me v uncomfortable too. What are your options? Is there another school you like?

Original poster

harpsichordcarrier · 20/05/2007 21:18

do you mean my dd or my neighbour's dd?
my dd is pretty spunky. she is generally not naughty or mischievous as such but various adults have described her as "remarkably self possessed" "strong willed" "determined" "definitely not a follower" and "entirely resistant to peer pressure"...
but at preschool she tends to be pretty well behaved the majority of the time BUT her key worker is very good with her and knows how to get the best out of her.

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cornsilk · 20/05/2007 21:18

If you have the spare time you could always volunteer to go in and help the teacher with readers or something. If she's got less on her plate she might be a bit less stressed with the children. Maybe she's going through a difficult time at the moment and is struggling to cope?

WideWebWitch · 20/05/2007 21:20

And I don't think discipline is the MOST important thing in a school so I wouldn't be mad keen on somewhere that behaved as if it was a selling point.

Original poster

harpsichordcarrier · 20/05/2007 21:20

www thanks
I have found it very hard to distinguish between the other schools in the area tbh. I agonised over this decision for ages - dd1 has so many friends going into the school and that was really the clincher for me

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WideWebWitch · 20/05/2007 21:20

Maybe it is a good school in lots of ways but isn't necessarily the right school for your dd. You don't want her spirit broken.

Original poster

harpsichordcarrier · 20/05/2007 21:22

yes www that's my big concern too. the school seems very big on discipline, which to me comes across as overly hierarchical.
It is a very ppopular school and gets very good results

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SenoraPostrophe · 20/05/2007 21:22

I mean your dd.

lol at "entirely resistant to peer pressure" btw. well done!

I think my plan would be to see how it goes to be honest.

LynetteScavo · 20/05/2007 21:22

But do you have an alternative, harpi?

The head sounds like a complete nutter, but there are probably worse heads out there.

What's the OFSTED repert like?

WideWebWitch · 20/05/2007 21:23

Maybe you could start her there but be v clear about a back up plan? Her friends going is a huge tick in the 'send her there' box, I agree.

beckybrastraps · 20/05/2007 21:25

Oh gawd.

It's a big step from one comment on parents' evening and breaking you child's spirit.

I think you need to maybe go in and watch her intercting with the class?

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