To anyone considering private school....

[JBFLBR]

I’ve been reading posts regarding private schools for a few weeks and understandably there are lots of mixed reviews.

Due to an incident at the primary school my son is due to start in September I reluctantly (due to the price of the fees) started considering the independent sector.

To say I was blown away was an understatement. What an education these children are receiving!!!

So to anyone considering, definitely go and have a look around. We are now certainly looking at what sacrifices we can make to ensure we can afford this route!

Wow, there are some really cynical and judgemental people on here.

Blueskypink your assumptions are wrong. Sacrifices would mean that we could afford to send them both. If my son would prefer to go to a state school with his friends I am perfectly fine with that but if he changes his mind he can join my other child. Thank you for your concern for him though!

Twofishfingers, I’m sure you would love to think that it was my son that made this up. Not that I have to explain myself to you but the TA admits this is what happened (had no choice when several other parents complained that their children were told to laugh at another).

Again, I cannot believe some of the people on here. Wonder if you speak like this to people’s faces or just when you’re hiding behind a keyboard 😳

Despite the ridiculous feees, I’m distinctly underwhelmed by my DC’s education at his prestigious N London prep. There are gaping holes in his knowledge. There are ongoing behavioural issues in his class, which the school can’t manage. They know they can fill the place tomorrow. Please don’t generalise.

"The same here Minapaws, there are lots of private schools in our area and it was only one that wowed us."

I think if you had said that at the start it might have gone better. In your OP you sounded a bit gullible or as if you were from the marketing department of St Mediocre's. (sorry, I had to say it, it was funny).

We have a private primary here. it's fine - these schools are as good as their head. It offers a good service taking children for whom the state primaries are, for one reason or another, not working, and its fees are not outrageous.
In terms of teachers though - it's where teachers go if the state schools make them redundant. It pays less (but perhaps the teaching conditions are easier?)

I think there are huge differences in private schools and what parents want from them. Where DD2 went, a girls day and boarding prep, was totally different from the prep down the road from me. The better prep had no entrance exams and did have a few SEN children. It was accepted that some girls would get scholarships to Wycombe Abbey and others would struggle in most schools. It was warm and welcoming for all though. The fees were a bit more then the fairly non descript school but you got a lot more for the money.

The local prep took SEN children if you paid extra but was very poor at dealing with the paperwork and expertise needed for statements and SEN children were poorly served on transfer to secondary school.

If you want small and nurturing there are private schools that position themselves in that sector of the market. DDs school positioned themselves as a pre boarding school prep that had girls winning scholarships every year to the most well known schools. They were completely different and had very different sets of parents. Few were making sacrifices at the top prep. Many were at the lower end prep. Parents at the top prep, by and large, would not ever look at state education. Quite a lot at the other prep had to because the children didn’t get a grammar school place or even a place at the local independent secondary schools. So why pay at all? It really is about joining a club.

State school parents can be very supportive of their “club” too!

If my son would prefer to go to a state school with his friends I am perfectly fine with that but if he changes his mind he can join my other child. Thank you for your concern for him though!

Op - you might practice what you preach when it comes to commenting on the attitudes of people on here

Are you seriously suggesting that you will let your year 4 ds choose his own education route? And won't be surprised if later in life he feels hard done by when he realises you spent thousands on his sibling's education and not his?

My eldest was adamant he wanted to go to the local church school at 11. I over-ruled him. Several years later he had no recollection of this and was appalled when I told him that he'd insisted to me that he wanted to go to what is actually a very under-performing school.

But hey, you've come on here to give us all the benefit of your new found knowledge of state vs private so who are we to question your judgement ....

School delighted to have her... provided the parents paid for a TA. That is, the TA's entire salary plus the school's costs as an employer, on top of the regular fees

I hate this but to be honest it's not surprising. If the child with SEN needs 1 to 1 support there's no way the private school would fund it. In my experience many private schools wouldn't even consider keeping a child who needs that level of support even if the parents funded it.

My DH went to one of the top public schools in the country and was bullied almost to the point of breakdown. You can’t always buy your way to a better experience.

We looked at our nearest prep school and were distinctly underwhelmed. It had worse outdoor play and sports facilities compared to the local primary school, despite being in a rural location.

We don’t live in a grammar school area, so there is no need for cramming at 11.

We came to the conclusion that it was better value for us and a better experience for DD to go to our local primary and pay for any additional tuition she needs. In terms of the additional opportunities in a private school - she’s 7 and learns two languages in after school clubs at her school. She also does 4 non-school based activities each week.

I love living in a community where DD’s friends all live within walking distance. This is something I never had, travelling to private schools outside my local community.

It’s all dependent on what schools are available to you and what your children need. But we are very happy with our choice to use local state schools.

Mine went to boarding school to get friends! The few children nearby just were not friendly (well the parents actually). We found our children were isolated so living with friends really worked! We left the judgemental xxxx behind. One of mine didn’t go to a prep before boarding. She had excellent teachers at the local primary. DD2 has one teacher that was good! You just have to do what works for your family.

My DH went to one of the top public schools in the country and was bullied almost to the point of breakdown - @bookworm14 , that's heartbreaking. Sends chills down my spine. Funnily enough the private schools we looked at which we really didn't like were the ones that prided themselves on turning out publich school chaps. They seemed to have an attitude of break and remould. DSs school is a shambolic, cosy place. They have to work hard but they also have to be friendly to each other and very accepting and respectful of a wide set of difference. A lot of the boys are on bursaries and the school is proud of that. I know from a friend with sons at one of the other schools we saw that bursary boys get targeted and bullied at his school, whereas DC haven't a clue who's on a bursary at their school and don't care.

Bubbles exactly. You do what works for your children.

The education my daughter received at state comprehensive far far far bettered that I received at a private school in the nineties. Its not a guarantee. Take every school on its merits I say.

better than
sorry

I haven't read all the posts but just want dispel the bit of a myth that I have seen on some that I have read - there are private schools that cater for special needs. I have three DDs and one has ASD, APD, dyspraxia and learning needs, but although behind academically she is also too advanced to be a good fit with the local state specialist schools but is a poor fit in mainstream too. She attends a private specialist school, small classes, variable academic abilities between them. No, there are not enough of these schools around, but they do exist. She won't ever achieve highly academically but she will do a lot better where she is than if she had stayed mainstream or in the local state schools for special needs.

I have no experience of private school, but I think it really depend on each school. If you think the one you have chosen is great and worth the sacrifice, then go for it. And there are always option of moving if it wasn't as great as you thought.

Doesn't a lot depend on what you want for your children, and what's available locally (as well as what you can afford/are willing to shell out, of course)?

My DDs were state schooled throughout their education. Their schools were great, and both my DDs left with the exam results they needed to pursue their chosen routes, and as confident, assured young women. My sister who lives in a different area sent her three DDs to private school because there simply weren't any local options that would have worked without one or more of her kids feeling short-changed or less worthy than the others. I went to my neices' school a few times for sports matches, prize-givings and so on, and the grounds were definitely to die for. Absolutely stunning. But the education they got, and the outcomes, were pretty similar to the education my DDs received in the state sector. No implied judgement of my sister who did the best as she saw it for her DDs. But goodness, I counted myself lucky to have decent state options where I live because I couldn't have afforded independent fees.

I had an excellent state option for elder DD but a secondary modern for the other. We felt we wanted to treat them equally. We went private for both of them. Neither had a better edcuation that the other. However, plenty of parents around here do have children at a grammar and a seondary modern and are happy with that situation. We are lucky in that DH is a high earner and we wanted the same route for both DDs. I would have been concerned about paying for one at secondary age, and not the other.

I don't think letting them choose when they do not have all the facts, or the insight at a young age, is the best way forward. They cannot possibly make the same judgements as an adult. It is up to the parents to take the adult decisions. Not the children,

By the way, there are children who are bullied in state schools. As 92% of children go to state schools, it is reasonable to assume there is more bullying in state schools! Stories of yesteryear do not have much bearing on today's schools who ALL have anti-bullying policies, are far more aware of bullying, and are likely to do something about it. Ditto state schools.

I am a big fan of my DDs’ private primary...classes of 12 kids, outdoor education, Cantonese, French, Spanish, singing in the local old folks home, they had French in a local French restaurant, charity fund raising, varied sports, first aid classes, chess, learning through Lego, musical theatre, etc etc

IMO there are good and bad schools in both the public and private sector. However in my experience, parents sending their kids to private schools tend to go on about it more, as if they are in some way justifying the exorbitant fees they pay.

Do what is right for your child, and if it makes you happy, otherwise it's no-one else's business.

12 children is a very small friendship group. It would have been too small for my children. A couple of cliques can form and you can be out of favour with no-one else around.

At state primary, mine had all that you list, Yetta, (and more) except the languages. However, DD went on to read French and Italian at university so not learning languages at primary age made not one jot of difference. Nice to have, but not essential. I would take a wider group of friends over Cantonese personally.

Our state primary also had first class music tuition and orchestra plus excellent sports teams. These are usually found in bigger schools and often cannot be found in small private schools. Recorder orchestra at age 5 was a highlight!

When I went last to the private school my daughter is going to in September (after a state primary) they had a chocolate fountain going in reception for charity. The girls queued nicely, only took a reasonable amount, didn't make a mess and all said Thank you. I paid my deposit happily that day.