Sports ability - do they change?

[KHFC2018]

DS is 7 and summer born. He is great academically, but unfortunately as far as I can tell, not athletic/agile/strong, and is weak in a variety of sports.

It is not exactly a problem, everyone has their own talents and weaknesses, and DS is, bless him, enthusiastic about sports now. I am, however, slightly worried that as time goes on, he will start to feel that he is "behind" and lose interest.

Do you have any positive stories for me? Does not sporty at 7 means not sporty ever?

Do you do much as a family - cycling, walking, swimming etc?

I also came on to suggest climbing. I struggled with catching/hitting/kicking sports as a child but love bouldering now.

SirFred that is really interesting and something that DH found - he considered himself rubbish at sport when he was at school but discovered later in life (so early 30s) that he was actually a very talented middle/ longer distance runner and cyclist. He sometimes wonders how good he could have been if that had been recognised and encouraged at school, and is something that I certainly want to keep an eye out in our DC.

It does depend.
I would describe myself as pretty non-sporty. My aim on sports' day was not to be last in every race. Occasionally I managed it. I'm just very slow.

But then my parents started playing tennis, and I started too, and found I was fairly good. By my teen years I was the best lady in the (small) club.

I still wouldn't describe myself as sporty, but I play tennis in the top team (bigger club now) without much practice. There's people who are much more sporty than me who I can outpace and out manoeuvre pretty much every point. On paper you'd back them every time both on their sportiness and amount of time practicing etc.
I just can hit a ball with a lot of pace and although I'm not a fast runner can get across a tennis court in the right time.

It may be a case of finding his spot and doing a certain amount of practice.

Thank you for all the advice! I think team sports will always be a bit problematic, especially when the kids get older or more competitive. I will try to help DS find something he enjoys, hopefully act as a little niche for him to keep his confidence and interest level. There are so many sports to try, fingers crossed we will find something!

I think school sport is traditionally team orientated and also limited to what is on offer. DD is in Y6 and I don’t think there is anything new to the ones she did since Infant school.

DD is also not good with a ball, bless her she does her best but only I. The last year or so she actually manages to throw a ball in the direction she planned to . She is a lot better in various single sports like dance, gymnastics, swimming and horse riding (I admit, not really possible in school).

So, she does manage school PE and then does the ones she loves outside school. We insist she does two physical activities a week, at the moment dance and swimming plus horse riding/stablework. She hated swimming for a while but then her teacher told her that if she carries on and gets the required level she can start rookie lifesavers, that was a huge boost and she worked hard to develop the stamina and strength.

So, for all the non-team sport children out there, there is more on offer, you just have to find your niche.

My ds has no interest at all in playing football, rugby, etc. We tried for years to get him to learn to swim but to no avail.

He is now 9.

We tried him at karate to help confidence....He's now a brown belt.
He did a term of swimming lessons with school, I dont know if it was the whole not wanting to be the only one not being able to swim but he learnt within a few lessons with his friends.

He still has 2 left feet when playing football... but he doesnt care, we've explained that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses, he cant play football, but the star football player couldn't do half what he does at karate.

I came to say basically what everyone else has said.

I think it's important not to let kids label themselves or get labelled as 'not sporty' as they may turn away too early from, healthy, enjoyable adult pursuits. Exercise seems so important for mental health as well as everything else.

I also have a summer born 7yo DS . His first few sports days were a total wash out and he had to be helped to finish the school cross-country in Y2 by the Headmaster. It doesn't help that he's the tallest kid in his year and strides out onto the field looking like part of the Spartan army....and then....

He's at a traditional prep so he now plays the round of rugby/ hockey/ cricket multiple times a week- noticeably badly and without much enjoyment (apart from the match teas).

However, he is a great swimmer. Swims in a swimming club, trains 5hrs a week and has a coveted place on the school swim squad. He's the best in his year and, because swimming is valued at the school (trophies available etc), everyone knows it. It saves his self esteem. He knows he IS good at sport- just not so much the ball sports. Without the swimming he would definitely have decided he was non-sporty and already be an exercise dodger.

I would agree with PP and say find him a niche sport he enjoys, try out a few things. Fencing? Sailing? Boccia? Depends what you have available near you. Then he can develop that notion of himself as somebody who enjoys sport and being active to take forward into adult life.

I was that kid. It turned out that I am hypermobile, and that's why I was always the last in the races, couldn't climb the ropes, etc. But I didn't find that out until later, so couldn't do anything about it at the time. Is there any chance your DS could be hypermobile? If so, you can do physio to improve functioning.

I feel that so much of children's sport is now about making parents happy. Most of them dream about their dc being top sportspeople. It's insane
I really don’t understand what you mean by this. My 5yo does a lot of sport and loves it. I don’t expect him to be a top sportsperson. I’ve never heard any other parents express that either.
What about children’s sports are about making parents happy? I’m genuinely confused.

Just wait until your dc get older User. You will see exactly what I mean then.

I feel that so much of children's sport is now about making parents happy. Most of them dream about their dc being top sportspeople. It's insane.
Really? Are your kids in some kind of high level sport maybe? It's bleeding obvious neither of my two nor anyone in their sports groups is going to be top anything. The ones that have that sort of potential are in development squads doing multiple hours a week. I want my kids to do some sport for exercise and fun and not being glued to screens all evening. So I suppose from that point of view it makes me happy, but only because it makes the kids happy.

I think it's a bit over-blown to say that it's so much of kids sport, but a push for competition over enjoyment sadly does come. Part of it is appeasing parents, but part of it is I think the very performance orientated nature that UK sports bodies are encouraged down - the rewards both in terms of kudos and funding go to those who get results. Whilst the bodies talk about sport for enjoyment, too many of the organisations don't act like it.

It is very sports specific I'm sure, and also of course the local organisation when you're at early kids level, but if you are good at a sport it is a struggle to avoid a push to compete and a push to excel. Which many parents do encourage perhaps too much. It's tough to truly know if this is "for the parents" as LarLarLand suggests, but it's not always for the kids who want sport just for enjoyment.

Recreational sport, just for the fun of it can be hard to find.

For example gymnastics, a sport which massively encourages early specialisation, our local club, very good club, good teaching, good results, but at age 5, it split kids by gender - there's no reason for that, the kids can do the same things, it's purely that the competition many, many years later is different.

If you just want gymnastics 'cos it's fun and a good exercise, you don't want to be on a competition path, and if you're not keen on competition, it chases some kids away from a sport they enjoy.

Bizarrely my uncoordinated timid 6 year old is doing well at skiing which I did not expect (can't swim or ride a bike) I think because all the focus in lessons has been on control and skill, he has been able to go slowly enough to pick it. I also think it is not a bad thing that most of his peers don't do it so no competition over what everyone is achieving..

We are plodding on with the swimming as I think once he gets it it will be good option for him.

Two words: cross-country running.

Just wait until your dc get older User. You will see exactly what I mean then
I’m not sure. I wonder if this is specific to certain sports (football?)
My son does rugby, dodgeball, swimming. I can’t imagine many parents dream of their kids being elite dodgeballers 😂

Ds2 is also summer born and for the first 2 years of school he was reluctant to even get changed for PE and refused to join in with sports day. TBH with him it was more his crippling shyness than anything physical, and he was quite a good swimmer and could ride a bike etc.

Then his friend’s dad, who is a rugby coach, encouraged him to go along to rugby training and it had some kind of magic effect on him - he loves it and 18 months later it had had a huge impact on his physical fitness and his confidence.

I never would have thought that he would get into team sport in this way but he just found something he loves. All I can suggest is keep encouraging him to try his best and keep looking for something that might be his ‘thing’.

Ds hates pe in school cos all the boys who play football outside school get to do the good stuff-this is primary.It's turned him off football for good, which concerns me, cos boys who don't play football may as well have 'victim' tattooed on their heads.

He does a martial art (badly) and swims (but still only wave 4 after 4 years). Dh is into cycling and I do the gym and neither of us were sporty, so maybe he'll come into his own when he's older.

You may think that user but as I have already said, wait until your dc is older.

The martial art annoys me too-once you get to a certain belt, you're expected to go twice a week. This is fine if you can, but logistically, we just can't. This means that, rather than bumble on with something he enjoys, ds will have to give up. He's not arsed about being a black belt by age 10; he just likes going.

Itmakes, I don't think our club works like that. Yes, if you become certain belt, you need to commit, but not forced. My ds has no interest in real combat. They appreciate it and never force him to enter the competition.
He goes there 3 times a week, some do everyday, some only once. But it's all their choice.

Ds (8) also competes at a national level in his niche sport. He’s now physically very fit but he has ZERO natural sporting ability (which he gets from me and I feel shit about it) he’s also very small for his age. But he works so damn hard and that’s what’s got him to where he is. So yes, I think you can become good at a sport BUT it’s really hard work!

DS1 is not the most natural of sportsmen. DS2 is more co-ordinated and mentally keeps up with sport better. It looks likely thst DS1 is dyslexic from the disparities in his academic development, so there probably is a link in there.

We do quite a bit out of school. All the activities are casual in attitude rather than club/ competative emphasis. Swimming and gymnastics are our regulars. The gymnastics is not his favourite, but it has made a positive difference to his confidence in movement. He loves junior parkrun which is great as there's no commitment. He also takes advantage of extra sports clubs offered through school.

I was hopeless at school but have kept active throughout adulthood and fallen in love with running in recent years. DS1 is fit and a better runner than I was through school. I'm optomistic that at least he's not a complete liability on a sports pitch and shouldn't need to face the ritual humiliation of being last to be selected for a team and constantly relegated to substitute like I was. At least he can run and keep up when he's realised what's going on around him

It's early days, but I'm hopeful that I'm giving him the opportunity to develop a broad base of transferable skills for future activities when he's older.

I wasn't sporty at all up until secondary school. I used to sit on the side and refuse to join in because I hated PE so much, then when I started secondary I discovered hockey, discus, javelin, canoeing, rock climbing and abseiling and realised that actually its just running I object to. (I still can't swim though despite lessons all through my childhood and trying again as an adult)

A lot of ability depends on whether DC are have good physical literacy. Active young kids learn a range of skills like running, jumping, climbing, hopping, catching, ball kicking... they then tend to like sport as they have the building blocks to learn. If DC can’t do the basics then they can ‘fall behind’ and then don’t enjoy sports. Its much like anything; they need to master fundamental skills. DC also benefit from a range of active activities; so I’d encourage him to try lots of things; junior park run, multisports, Cubs, tennis, swimming, riding a bike etc
It does not have to be formal classes

@Itmakesthereaderreadon martial arts shouldn't be like that. Ours definitely isn't. Yes they are told it's better to go more than once a week but if not then not to worry....development will just be slower...but belts aren't important to everyone. We like the self defence and he confidence aspects if ds never gets a black belt then that's fine as long as he has fun and feels he's learning stuff.