School dinner problems

[alibaba1980]

My son is incredibly fussy so has packed lunch most days. We encourage him to have cooked dinner when it is something he’d eat but we have no way of knowing what he’s eating. He often leaves half of his packed lunch and gives the excuse of not having enough time or that he was talking too much and his friends finished before him so he went out to play. I’ve spoken to the school who haven’t been any help. Am I wrong to expect the school to keep him at the table until he’s finished his lunch. I see it as neglect that they are not ensuring that he’s eating and drinking.

How old is he?

Have you ever been in a school hall at dinner time?
They can't possibly oversee every child and monitor what they are eating

How much food are you sending in? Is he coming home hungry?

I would be more Annoyed if they were forcing a child to eat tbh

There is no way a school is ever going to force a child to stay at a table for an hour to eat when they clearly do not want to eat, can you imagine the reaction if that happened.

If you know your child is fussy then I suggest kindly putting less food in his lunch box. I also suggest realising that he will not starve by not eating a huge meal at lunch time.

Playing, talking and socialising are more important to your child at lunch than eating his whole lunch.

Am I wrong to expect the school to keep him at the table until he’s finished his lunch. I see it as neglect that they are not ensuring that he’s eating and drinking.

Yes, you are. You see it as neglect, another parent whose child had been kept in would come in kicking and screaming.

I don't know who you expect to stand over your child and monitor everything he does with the food.

@alibaba1980 at my school there are hundreds of children in the dinner hall at lunchtime. It would be really difficult for a lunchtime supervisor to make sure each child finishes their lunch.

Am I wrong to expect the school to keep him at the table until he’s finished his lunch. I see it as neglect that they are not ensuring that he’s eating and drinking

Well I would see it as abuse for a teacher to force my children to always completely clear their plate.

He is 6 and when the school nurse weighed him in Reception he was deemed clinically underweight. I am not suggesting that they force him to eat, but surely the school have a duty of care. Yes when he comes home he is starving.

Is this a medical need? ie is he clinically underweight and if so then it may be a reasonable adjustment for the school to make an effort in ensuring that he stays to eat.

Otherwise no, of course not, that sort of level of control of a child is not appropriate at all.

Is there a reason for the fussiness? Id just stop making food any kind of issue and put him on school dinners, save yourself the hassle.

If you've already stopped him having meals, because he didnt like them, could it simply be that he senses you are worried about the food and he is hoping you'll cave and provide junk?

As a dinner lady/supervisor there is a limit as to what we can do to ensure kids eat their food. Yes we can encourage/cajol/nag but if the child doesn't want it and wants to go outside we cant say 'no you stay till youve eaten' as they often just sit there and still eat nowt or sneak out behind your back even if dinner is chocolate sandwiches

He's not been in reception for a long time, is he still clinically underweight, what is the doctor prescribing - with a doctors advice I'm sure you can ask for any reasonable adjustment you need.

I have a son who is underweight to the point he is under dietician. Not forcing food is one of the biggest messages we are constantly given.

Trying to force a reluctant child to eat is likely to create more problems than it resolves

Unless he is under the care of a medical team for this issue then they have no reason to make adjustments. If he is fussy at home where he eats most of his meals then reasonably there is little they can do at school to make him gain weight. In fact if they followed your suggestion to make him not leave the table until he is finished I would put money on it making the fussy, not eating situation worse.

YAB (totally)U

Feed him at pick up or when you get home if he is 'starving' and provide a more calorific breakfast.

If he's 6, he's in year 1, not reception.

Afraid I think yabu. Can he eat the remainder of his packed lunch as an after school snack? That's what my son does (as he's often left the vegetable sticks 🙄)

Are you sending a calorific lunch in?

Just to clarify the OP said he was under weight when weighed in reception. He would now be in year 1 and I assume there has been no change and he is still under weight but not under the care of any medical team, so no diagnosed reason for the fussy eating.

Dinner supervisor here too.

I can assure you children who don't want to eat - for whatever reason - will find ways to get rid of their food/not eat!

I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself....I've seen kids throw whole lunch boxes of food in the bin, throw food on the floor under the table where they think we can't see it and even sneak food into another child's lunch box!!...

Fundamentally we cannot - and should not - force children to eat.

It's really common for children to be hungry at school pick up (no snack in the afternoon for key stage 1)

Most parents being snacks/fruit to give their child/ren.

Could you do the same?

Also...do check the size of the lunch you are sending in.

Some key stage 1 kids bring a lunch in that I would struggle to eat!

I’d also be upset if school made my child eat all their lunch. Sometimes they are more hungry, sometimes less. I don’t want to give them the idea that it’s desirable to finish their meal, more to eat to their appetite.

How do you manage this at home? Do you think maybe he’s fussy because meals become a battle with you expecting him to eat the whole meal? It’s easy to do, so I’m not meaning to criticise.

You can request for him to be weighed by the school nurse again - they may offer a couple of weight checks every few months and if they're still concerned they can refer to the dietician or your GP can.
The school won't be able to make him eat more than he wants and shouldn't force it. However they will usually ask why they haven't finished a school dinner as these are more monitored than a pack up lunch that is usually left to the kids (and often far less nutritional than a hot school dinner )

It’s not a problem at home, we sit and eat as a family and he leaves the table when he’s finished a reasonable amount. The school dinner menu includes some odd choices, there’s no way he’d eat roast gammon or chilli.

Why is he fussy?

It's not the schools fault is it?

They can't make him eat
They don't know what he started with or has eaten
Old school had a policy of all wrappers etc went home so parents know what they are eating at lunch

Why don't you offer to redesign the school menu to suit your DS?