I feel sick - may have made a terrible mistake with school primary choice

[exrebel]

I feel like a complete idiot who should not be in charge of a child. After all research and considerations, I think I picked the worst school and now it is too late as I have accepted the place, and I put it first choice as well, so I cannot appeal really

A woman I chat to sometimes on the way home made me think again. Well she did not say anything I did not know already but I prioritised other factors and was being principled.

Where do I go from here? what you would do next to get DD to another school? I can ring around and put her in popular school waiting list? Delay until she is 5 and re-apply? Is this possible to re-apply next year? Apply to another borough, near work? Not sure if there are any state schools inside the city of London though. I would consider private education in emergency but many don?t have after school provision and cant pay fee and childcare too.

Please don't worry. Our school sounds very like yours. Not a huge immigrant community atm (we're in Somerset!)but a large intake from quite a deprived area. My children are only moderately academic but we are delighted with their progress in general. The only people who are academically disatisfied with the school are the parents of some G&T kids who probably are a bit underserved TBH. And it's got a lovely caring ethos which matters a great deal. We can walk to school and the children have plenty of school friends within walking distance of our house.

Parent can be a litle like sheep when it comes to the reputation of schools IME. Someone tells them that X isn't good at school Y and that then becomes established fact rather than an objective opinion.

I agree with Blu. This time two years ago I was frantic about the school DD1 hadn't got into, and the one she had. I was very pleased when the school she hadn't got into offered her a place and yes, she's been very happy there...

...but guess what? The heads at both schools have left, and I happen to know that the new head at the school she isn't at is utterly fab. If she'd gone there, I'm quite sure she'd have done splendidly - and who's to know what her new head will do, at all?

sssandy's situation is different but her point still relevant. Her dd is in a school where she is taught on her 2nd language and iirc attends only am's. I assume this means that she therefore isn't able to keep up with the teaching as well and therefore they go through it again each day at home. Have I understood correctly or are you comparing what your dd is being taught with what she would be learning in UK year 1?

If the OP believes her dd is not being taught appropriately then she too may become frustrated and resort to supplementing, if she can, however agree that there is nothing , other than hearsay, to suggest this will be the case.

One thing I have figured out over the years is that you can't rely on parent gossip to choose a school (honest!).

Where we lived before, I knew many well-mannered and very nice, seemingly clever kids from the local school, but someone living nearby couldn't tell me enough bad things about how awful the children there were (according to her neighbours).

Where we live now, a local parent was thoroughly dissing DS school recently, but I know it's fine for DS.

I hear flurries of both good and bad things about most of the schools around here -- school gossip is like buses, nothing for ages and then all the same sort of comments at once!

i am still following all these comments.. thank you, just very busy at work to reply in full

NKF in my case, it's a lack of alternatives really. I do find it worrying but at the moment I try to just balance it IYSWIM. If I knew for sure of a school where the academic side of things would work better, I would definitely move my dd.

Sorry bit of a side issue for the thread really..

I'm in EXACTLY the same boat Exrebel!

Looks like ds is going to be going to the community school, which is majority Muslim, high percentage don't have much English, low league table, rather than the middle-class mostly white CofE one down the road which does well academically. I chose it for ethical & political reasons, because we are not religious and I think well-educated parents should send their children to local community schools. But now totally wobbling and think I have done the wrong thing and how could I have jeopardised ds's future like this etc etc!!!!!!

The headmistress is good though which is important. Grumpyfrumpy has cheered me up. We could always join the PTA and shake them up ourselves. (An active PTA seems to be a characteristic of these schools that do well in league tables)

Anyway I have been told that places often become available in schools - people are always moving out of town - so it is worth putting your name on the waiting list for the 'other' school. You may be offered a place after a term or something - though of course you may decide to turn it down if dd is happy. I certainly wouldn't delay a year though. I am going to send ds to the community school and put him on the waiting list for a more middle-class one which is a bit further away.

Sorry for waffling - what I mean to say is - you're not alone! Hope you're not worrying about it too much. xxx

I should say, I do not intend to take up a place at the other school if we happen to be offered one, but in the unlikely event that ds doesn't get on well we feel safer having another option and thought we would see what happens if this makes sense (there are other factors too but I have waffled far too much already) x

hello, just resurrecting this thread to say that I have reaaly appreaciated all the comments and help, it has really helped me a lot.

and just a little note to Indiemummy, yes like you, the political and ethical played a part, as well as being non-religious, logistics, childcare, and single parenthood and finances and the good ethos of the school, and other things about the school I cannot mention as they might give the name away.

I have not decided 100 % yet but I am inclined to do nothing and give it a go. The only place worth putting her name down near us is the CoE one, which is top of the league academically, but i would not think its 'culture' is right for us in many ways.

By the way, I have found out on the net, that the head has just resigned!

sorry, just to clarify, the head of the school we have a place at has resigned not the head at the high achieving CoE school

exrebel. It sounds like you made a decision on very good grounds. A lot of these school reputations are about middle class panic and people feeling safer in a "ghetto".
We chose the nearest school to us, not in a middle class ghetto nor the one people fight over. But it is the nearest school which means he has friends nearby to play with and I can walk to school to pick him up and drop him off.
The school does have some social problems, a highish rate of free school meals and there's no competition to be a parent gov which I am: always a sign of not being a mclass hotspot!
BUT
There are so many wonderful things about this school. The Polish boy in ds's class gets 100% in his spelling test everyweek (unlike ds) and is beautifully behaved.
This is a mixed community and reflects London therefore will prepare ds for the real world as it is not as it is sanitised. My only worry is hoping that he won't be ever bullied and he was last term - but not by the 'rough' element, by 2 middle class children whose parents have white collar jobs.
A good friend of mine was a counsellor in a private girls school in the Home Counties. Their rate of anorexia and self harm was enormous. She said the parents had no time for the kids because they were so busy working to pay the fees! Middle class panic! But I don't blame parents for wanting the best but the best is not always obvious is it?

Quite frankly I wouldn't entertain anything this friend has said, as her ethics and situation sound completely different from yours. No two children are the same as are no two families. Just because the school isn't right for her child doesn't mean it might not be the perfect one for your child. With regard to the high volume of immigrant children and different cultures values etc. I personally think children experiencing social interaction with a wide variety of different ethnic groups is a positive. Let's face it, the whole purpose of school is to prepare a child for the adult world and in this day and age when our children become adults and go out into the real world jobs, life etc. they are going to be surrounded by the very same mix of different ethnic backgrounds. It's teaching them basic core diversity skills and understanding and I know a lot of people who some of the best friend's they have were children that had migrated that they formed friendships with at school and still are best friends 20 years on. If I'm being blunt about it your friend sounds quite racist and ignorant in my opinion if that's her main reason for refusing a school so I wouldn't give much credit to anything she says. You do what YOU think is best for YOUR child. You've obviously got very valid reasons for why you chose the school in the first place so stick to your guns and follow your gut instinct it's usually right, as it's the decision we make subconciously before we allow any over reactive thoughts and prejudices to influence them.

Why are you answering a trend from 2007

Mikethedad

I know I shouldn’t post on a zombie thread and re-bump it, but the child in question would be 18/19 by now! How on Earth does one even stumble across such an old thread?!