Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Parent teacher communication if you dont drop off or pick up

68 replies

purplepixie47 · 13/01/2018 10:57

I would like to hear from any teachers, or parents who don't drop off or pick up, as to how you communicate.
I use the breakfast club and after school club every day as I work. I therefore don't see the teachers. I have a home-school book for communication, but it is only ever really used by me if I have a question - they do not provide me with any voluntary feedback.
We are currently having problems as my son (age 5) is extremely unhappy, and I don't feel that the teachers are providing me with any communication, feedback or response!
I would like to know if it is a problem in all schools or particularly bad at this one.
The stress is killing me :( :(

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

purplepixie47 · 14/01/2018 16:28

I might have to resort to that!

And no, he isn't taking lots of things in day after day... the homework thing was just an example of how he felt she was dismissive.

OP posts:

user789653241 · 14/01/2018 16:31

If I were in your situation, and they are not responding to your email/ phone call/ contact book, I would write a note/ letter and hand it in to the breakfast school staff to hand it to the school office, or if school staff is already there at your drop off, I would hand it in, written urgent in front with red. It is very serious matter.
It maybe that your ds isn't showing any sign at school because he is shy or just withdrawn, and teacher is not seeing the problem.
I do agree, 5 years old saying he wants to kill himself is very serious matter and need sorting out, without delay.

paddypants13 · 14/01/2018 16:34

Dd gets transport to school so we almost never pick up/ drop off. We have a book we use to communicate with the teacher. It's worked well so far.

WipsGlitter · 14/01/2018 16:53

The books only work well if both sides use them. DS2 has SN and it works well. I agree if you've gone from private nursery to school the lack of communication is a shock!

MidniteScribbler · 14/01/2018 21:23

Honestly, I'd be taking the afternoon off and be standing at the office until the head speaks to you and has a meeting with you and the teacher. Now, I'm certainly not one who usually says to go over the head of the teacher, but I think that a child threatening to kill themselves over school (and the teacher ignoring a very reasonable request for a meeting) is enough reason to include leadership.

Lifechallenges · 14/01/2018 21:28

At our school parents can just email the teacher direct and often get a response early morning or of an eve. I assume people don't abuse it.
I'd email e.g if another parent was picking up, they ad a da time appointment or if there was an isssue I was concerned about. Parents can request an appt afterschool on any day if concerned

Lifechallenges · 14/01/2018 21:33

OP what does he say he doesn't like? Does he have friends ?
Does he like afterschool club or is he sad as all his friends go home at home time etc. Is he struggling at all?

Norestformrz · 15/01/2018 05:48

I can't understand why you're waiting for a response when you child has said he wants to kill himself. The school will have a safeguarding lead ...go to school and let them know!

Saffydaffy80 · 18/01/2018 01:32

Op I just wondered how things are this week? Hope your little boy is ok, and you! X

KingLooieCatz · 18/01/2018 12:37

Hope you've managed to set something up to speak to teacher. Just wanted to post because you've had such a hard time from some other posters - maybe their children have never been unhappy at school, or their schools communicate better or they are around for drop off and pick up.

I can relate as DS's first school was in complete denial that there might be families where both parents work. They sent loads of e-mails with half the information, most parents filling in the blanks at the school gate. DS struggled and I found the HT well meaning but out of touch and patronizing. DS was very disruptive.

Moved away and the new school has wraparound care 8-6 on site and the school understand parents and carers have a whole range of commitments. School work hard at engaging parents. DS is flourishing at the new school.

Hope things improve, best you can do might be ringing school office endlessly asking for teacher to call you on your mobile whenever they possibly can. Failing that it's going to have to be some sort of sit-in protest.

Original poster

purplepixie47 · 18/01/2018 19:10

Thanks for your comments. The good news is that my son is feeling much happier this week. Bad news is I've still not spoken to the teacher in person. She replied via the book to say that she'd spoken to him and "sorted it out". I pointed out that it wasn't an isolated incident and he'd been unhappy for a while and I'd appreciate support from school to let me know if he was displaying this kind of behaviour at school, and that if I had any further concerns a phone call or face to face chat would be much easier. She replied to say she'd spoken to the lunchtime staff and other TAs and they would monitor him.
So, not exactly what I wanted, but he does seem happier, although still having the odd outburst at home.
I feel that I should clarify to some that just because I work and can't drop off or collect does not somehow mean that I value my job more than my son. It means that I have to work to pay the bills, put food on the table and keep somewhere to live. I am a single parent so I have to do everything. I don't have the luxury of working shorter hours, or taking turns with collecting etc. I was more than happy to go to school or do anything required to sort it, but I was not getting a reply from school as to when I could do that.

OP posts:

Original poster

purplepixie47 · 18/01/2018 19:14

One further thing is that the school seriously needs to sort out their phone system. I've spent 20-30 minutes at a time plenty of times trying to call and it'll just be engaged. They said oh yeah, we only have one phone line.
I had to email once instead when they'd cancelled an after school club and I'd had to arrange care. What if it was an emergency?! There's only so much of my working day I can spend trying to phone up the school! :(

OP posts:

Love51 · 18/01/2018 19:22

Email works for us. Just the general office number. They have also sent me personal texts from the office number. Also I have written a note and said to breakfast club staff 'there is a note in there, can you make the teacher aware please?'. But it's a really small breakfast club so there won't be 5 parents saying that.

user789653241 · 18/01/2018 19:29

I think you really need to chase them until teacher gives you an appointment for meeting. Don't phone up, just email.

Starlight2345 · 18/01/2018 19:51

Did this years teacher start communication book.? I wonder if she doesn’t like them . My Ds has one . I write in it as does his teacher . Not always a lot . Sometimes I can write all ok sometimes very much more and same for teacher .
Having a child with issues and what you need to know is not the same as what you need to know from a nursery handover . I don’t care what he had for lunch , what he played with. I do care if there are issues in school .

Op does your Ds get support elsewhere . It may also be worth talking to Senco in school.

catkind · 18/01/2018 21:57

Glad he's feeling happier, but I would really want to have a chat still. She hasn't even said what she thought the problem was that has been sorted. (Appreciate it may not be anything that well defined at this age... But if it isn't what makes her think it is sorted?)

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 23/01/2018 19:34

OP I just wanted to say that I hear you, it's really you've been trying to get properly in touch with his teacher, and I don't think this evasiveness is either normal or acceptable. (I realise that's not hugely helpful, but lots of posters have been really unkind and dismissive on this thread so I wanted to counter it a bit!)

I do drop-offs but don't pick up - am also a single parent, it's hard when everything falls to you. I'm really grateful I can do drop-offs and it would obv really help in your situation but in general it's not the easier end of the day for speaking to the teacher. I hadn't realised but it seems we are quite lucky - can email the teacher directly and generally get a prompt and engaged and empathetic response.

I wonder if you could juggle things so that you can drop off one morning, so you can actually catch the teacher face to face and say it's important that you have a meeting and when can this happen please? Appreciate this means having to sort time away from work on two occasions (one late morning, and then whenever you end up actually meeting), but I am guessing that doing a morning drop-off takes one hour off your working day whereas trying to hunt the teacher down make contact at the end of the school day takes maybe 3 hours away from work...

Do keep pushing. And I really know how hard it can be to find the renewed energy to do so, when you are struggling enough to get everything else done and support your child with their problems too.

Original poster

purplepixie47 · 24/01/2018 19:56

Thank you for your kind message.
I've finally arranged a meeting with the teacher for next Monday. We're kind of at breaking point after another massive meltdown from my son today. I really hope that the school will offer some support and help with the issue, but I'm not certain.... :( I don't know what's happened to my happy boy. Today was not a good day.
Fingers crossed for next week.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3