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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Parent teacher communication if you dont drop off or pick up

68 replies

purplepixie47 · 13/01/2018 10:57

I would like to hear from any teachers, or parents who don't drop off or pick up, as to how you communicate.
I use the breakfast club and after school club every day as I work. I therefore don't see the teachers. I have a home-school book for communication, but it is only ever really used by me if I have a question - they do not provide me with any voluntary feedback.
We are currently having problems as my son (age 5) is extremely unhappy, and I don't feel that the teachers are providing me with any communication, feedback or response!
I would like to know if it is a problem in all schools or particularly bad at this one.
The stress is killing me :( :(

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Muddlingalongalone · 13/01/2018 13:09

I think you need to call the office and follow up with an email for confirmation.
At dd's school we also use class dojo with the private messenging facility for class teacher and even the head but the office are hugely helpful via email or phone although I generally use email coz I can do it at work quickly.
I try to use messenger as little as possible and there are time limits in terms of staff responses - not after 5 or something, and clearly set out expectations of usage with withdrawal for misuse.

user789653241 · 13/01/2018 15:48

In ks1, it was quite difficult to communicate via contact book since you can't really rely on your child to show the message to the teacher. At our school, TA was meant to check reading record everyday in KS1, but yr1 TA rarely did, and my message have been totally ignored many times.
It will get easier when they are older and can make sure teacher received message.
Call to the office or email to the office have more chance of quick responce in early stage of primary.

Hugepeppapigfan · 13/01/2018 20:43

I’m a teacher and I care deeply about the children in my class. However, teachers’ time is extremely pressured and I couldn’t be writing notes in a book because parents work FT. This would be most of my class. But there’s so much going on, I would struggle with one book. What are the rest of the class doing while I get it out and write in it? Please send an email to the main school email address (should be on the website) and ask for a meeting in person or by phone with the class teacher.

MidniteScribbler · 13/01/2018 23:16

I have a communication book for each student, and I check it every day. I also make regular notes home when the student has displayed positive behaviour, and I aim to write one per week. I find that sending home positive, albeit fluffy, messages means that when you do need to have a more difficult conversation, the parents are generally more open to discussion. No one wants to only hear the bad news all of the time, and I find it's even more important with the challenging students that they (and their parents) get the good feedback when they do the right thing.

Hugepeppapigfan · 13/01/2018 23:20

Midnite - genuinely curious what type of school you teach in (UK?) and how many children are in your class!

millimat · 13/01/2018 23:27

Me too I wonder where midnite works and class sizes. I spent Friday on follow up phone calls and emails without writing in individual books as well!
My advice to op is def email school office and ask for an appointment. Office staff will ensure the message is passed on and you have evidence you have requested a meeting.

millimat · 13/01/2018 23:27

OK so where wasn't meant to be bold

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 13/01/2018 23:33

dismissive of things he takes in as she's too busy

What is he taking in?

With all due respect teachers don't have time to examine all the things 30 plus DC bring into school.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 13/01/2018 23:45

It is very difficult communicating with the teacher when you never do drop-offs or pick-ups. My youngest is in year 4 so he is well-settled and quite good with messages, though even then they are sometimes a little misremembered. Luckily there are a range of other parents I can ask, failing that I can phone the school office or once I had to email the teacher (it was about reading books) but that was an exception and I kept it brief as the teacher is very busy. Given how unhappy your son is I would be phoning the school office to either ask the teacher to phone me back at a time to suit them to discuss it- or to find out what time I can conveniently phone them back to discuss it. If that doesn’t work then I would ask for a 5 minute appointment after school or at another time which suited them to discuss it and I would take annual leave to get there. I hope you manage to get it sorted.

catkind · 14/01/2018 01:42

DS's first school had a daily checked book in reception. Kids put their book bags in tray, TA went through changing reading books and checking for any messages, messages passed on to teacher or office as required. Normal state school, classes of 30. It's quite feasible. Current school have a different system for urgent messages, and home school books checked weekly.

MidniteScribbler · 14/01/2018 02:10

Midnite - genuinely curious what type of school you teach in (UK?) and how many children are in your class!

I'm not in the UK, and I had 28 in my class last year. The comments aren't long, just 'X had a great writing session today', 'J was really focussed today and worked hard, well done J'. I read through the diaries whilst I'm eating lunch and write a few comments each day during the week so everyone gets a comment each week. It's extra work, but I find it pays off in relationship building with the parents.

They may be one member of a class, but they are the most important thing in the world to their parent, so I respect that some parents need to get a little more information than others to feel comfortable, especially in the first year of school where a parent goes from getting a lot of information about their day, to school where it is often only hearing from the school when something bad happens. I never want the first conversation I have with a parent to be about something unpleasant.

Norestformrz · 14/01/2018 06:28

Sorry if you consider this unhelpful but if my child was talking about killing themselves I wouldn't be putting notes in a communication book I'd be at the reception desk asking to speak to someone urgently. Don't put off!

CrashBangWollop · 14/01/2018 08:56

General queries I ring the receptionist.

If I specifically need to speak to a teacher I either ring the office and ask for an appt/or I ask for the teacher to call me so that I can make an appt:

Or, I make arrangements to start work a little later or finish a little earlier and go into school in person, even if it's just to catch the teacher for enough time to make a specific appt to go back.

I would never use DS to take notes back and forth.

Original poster

purplepixie47 · 14/01/2018 14:12

His teacher last year was very good with the book, would always reply, and often popped down at 4pm to have a quick chat if needed when I collected him from after school club. The one time I phoned the office to arrange to see the teacher or get a phone call I had to phone back three times over two weeks and it never got arranged. So, I asked via the book directly to the teacher for a phone call or meeting. I know they read the note, as one of his two teachers replied to say I should see the other one. As I said, I wouldn't expect feedback constantly, but given that I only ever see them twice or three times a year for parents evening, a miniscule bit of feedback would be appreciated. It's nice to hear that some teachers do feel that is possible.
There are also plenty of studies showing that decent relationships between home and school are beneficial for children's education. I would think that more teachers would be interested in this, and it is poor that most schools in general have not made provisions to cater for communication with parents who work and cannot be there at 845 and 315.

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Original poster

purplepixie47 · 14/01/2018 14:18

Oh. And something he brought in that was dismissed was his homework - he'd worked all weekend on it, was excited to show her and she didn't even take it out of the bag, just said "that's not due in until X date" (there was an email the next day telling us about bringing it in on "homework day", so we hadn't know). I just feel that even a brief "well done", or "that's nice" would be more appropriate for a 5 year old who was clearly proud and excited about what he'd done. This is just one example. He used to be very happy, enthusiastic .... they've pretty much beaten all the spirit out of him this year... why would he feel like bothering on his homework next time if that's the respond he got?

OP posts:

Original poster

purplepixie47 · 14/01/2018 14:18

*response

OP posts:

pennyisafreeloader · 14/01/2018 14:24

I understand you work full time but maybe if your child is as unhappy as he appears you need to think about taking an hour off so that you can pick him up and talk to the teacher then? I don't know how easy that would be for you and I know employers aren't always understanding but if you are this stressed maybe that's the answer rather than waiting for the (vaguely useless) response from school

Valerrie · 14/01/2018 14:30

How do you know she did that with his homework if you don't ever go into the school?

Also, I use Class Dojo. Parents can send me an instant message and I can reply on my phone, iPad or laptop. If there are any issues, it works both ways.

user789653241 · 14/01/2018 15:40

If the communication is so bad, I think only choice for you is to go in to school some how( arrange a half day or few hours off work?) and catch a teacher to arrange proper meeting, or strongly demand school office to forward message to the teacher to either email or phone you to make arrangement.
Normally not hearing from school/teacher is good thing. They see no problem regarding your child. But if he is so unhappy, you really need to speak to the teacher anyhow.
Homework thing is common, I think. At our school, we are told not to bring in early if it takes space to store. I can appreciate the excitement of 5 year old, but dealing with 30 children, teacher might not have enough time during busy morning, so I don't think the teacher was particularly mean.

LockedOutOfMN · 14/01/2018 15:45

If my child were unhappy, I would firstly email the teacher to tell her what / how he had been saying / behaving at home and any changes I'd noticed and to ask the teacher whether they'd noticed anything. Then I'd probably ask the teacher for a meeting (or phone conversation) at a mutually convenient time.

namechange2222 · 14/01/2018 15:56

If my 5 year old child expressed that they wanted to kill themselves I'd be taking the following day ( at least) off work and take that child into school myself. I would then be asking to see the HT as a matter of urgency. It is far from normal for a 5 year old to be this distressed. My children at 5 wouldn't have had any knowledge that there was such a thing as killing oneself. If I couldn't see the HT I'd be taking my child to the GP that day. I really feel for you, I, too didn't drop off or pick up very often. That's life when you have to travel to work. But please do something. You child is crying out for someone to change something

Original poster

purplepixie47 · 14/01/2018 16:06

I am more than willing to take time from work to go in and talk to them, the problem has simply been getting a response as to when I can do that. If I took him in one morning, the teacher is not going to be able to talk to me there and then. Realistically it will be after school hours anyway, or a phone call which I have also requested. Until they tell me when I can come in, or speak to them I can't really just show up.unless, like you say, I go to the HT which I will be doing if I get no response tomorrow. If they are not going to offer any support at school, then my next stop will be the GP.

OP posts:

RavenWings · 14/01/2018 16:09

What is he taking in?

With all due respect teachers don't have time to examine all the things 30 plus DC bring into school.

Very true. Some kids want to do a show and tell every single day with something brought from home.

IceBearRocks · 14/01/2018 16:20

In my experience, put a post in Facebook about how unhappy you are with the school and then someone will print it off and take it in to school. The teacher and head will call you on the same day !!! 🤣

WipsGlitter · 14/01/2018 16:27

Can you call the school office and request a meeting?

It's a bit shit they've not bothered getting back to you at all.

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