Do same-sex prep schools deal better with 'boys being boys' than state?

[1MillionSelfiesTakenByMyKids]

So my just 6 year old has been having some issues at his (very academic) state primary. He's very bright and creative and loving but he fidgets, is impulsive (sometimes violently), doesn't always focus, has trouble with being distracted. I'm inclined to believe it's mostly normal small, high-energy boy but am teetering on the edge of 'is this something more...diagnosable'. The school is treating him like he's a massive issue and I get it, I do. If he's disruptive or hurting other children then that is an issue and we are doing our best to work with them, but I am beginning to wonder if he's just a square peg etc...

Anyway, DH and I considering our options (me being a parent help for additional supervision, taking him out of school to home ed (oh help!) etc) and something I am wondering about is whether an all boy's prep would be better able to 'manage' his behaviour because they're not only dealing with smaller classes, but are used to and set up for teaching small, energetic boys.

Basically I want to know if I'm assuming correctly - would a normal, bright (but highly energetic, impulsive and slightly distracted) boy be better off in a prep school or would he be squished even more tightly into a wrong-shaped box?

I would have posted this in AIBU but I am feeling little fragile about this so be gentle. He's my wee boy and he cried himself to sleep because they've taken his part in the Christmas play away from him :-(

Lots of private schools have fairly formal lessons too so what difference will there be? As for lots of sport - not in Y1. At about Y3 there is more. There may be junior tag rugby he could start but as in all things, following instructions will be key so that’s where the Work needs to start. Maybe he will realise there are consequences to unacceptable behaviour such as loss of privileges. This seems to be the schools tactic but I would check if it is policy or not.

Gotta agree not all children with Sen are violent. Ds is in year one with Sen and although he fidgets he is very much a gentle child.
If I was you I would look to see if your go would refer you to a paediatrician to see if they can look at possible issues. In the meantime I would try to see if there was a way to get him to keep his hands to himself at all times if he keeps crossing the line.

"Lots of private schools have fairly formal lessons too so what difference will there be? As for lots of sport - not in Y1. At about Y3 there is more."

At some Indy schools it is significantly different in Y1 and has lots of sport, at some it won't be. Really depends on the school.

He sounds very much like my friend's son was. As he got older it only got worse because the other kids also cottoned on to the fact that they could manipulate him into doing low level naughty things too as he wanted to be liked.

My friend moved him to a small independent that has a reputation locally for helping kids with ASD ADHD etc and he has thrived. Whereabouts are you? If local I can tell you the school's name. Pm if you'd rather.

Tbh, if the parents of violent child dismissing dc's behaviour as boys being boys, it will be a problem wherever dc goes.
Like Tommorrow's ds, my ds is very fidgety/kinetic and struggles to sit still, but never violent.

You say your daughter is a nerdy PhD physicist? Did she struggle at school?

I suspect that you should consider an ASD diagnosis since your daughter sound a lot like me at her age and there is a genetic component.

Says another physicist with an adult ASD diagnosis.

I don't think this is a issue of State vs Private.

He is violent at school and violent towards his siblings at home. I think this is the issue you need to be addressing....not moving school as that won't deal with the underlying issue of his violence.

You seem to be glossing over the issue that he is persistently violent. I would be getting him assessed by a professional ASAP.

My son goes to a boys only prep school. The teachers are 99% female. I admire them immensely because the boys are so high energy and full of mischief. They get up to all sorts of nonsense. The school understands the needs of these young boys and is structured in a way that harnesses their boisterous tendencies in a productive way.

The school is academic and in the Sunday Times top 100. They do a lot of sports and instill discipline in them.

I am glad that I put him in a boys only school. He is 6, bright and energetic but still developing maturity. I don't think he would have done as well as he is doing if he was in a mixed school. The school ethos and approach suits my son very well.

If your son is persistently violent, it is highly unlikely a private school will put up with his behaviour.

Is the OP coming back? Has she flounced?

Thing is that you do have case where child changed school/takes up rugby/discovers something else and their personality changed for the better and all is fine.
Reality is though that those case are rarer than the problem just following them. Most times it's a behavioural issue that won't go away. By moving, all you do is elongate the time before the child gets the help they need, so actually makes the problem worse.

It is true that some children do much better in one situation than another, and it is possible that the OPer’s son would do better in a different school. However, the fact that he is violent (not just restless) and that he is this way in more than one environment (Home as well as school) indicate that part of the problem is coming from him.

Also, while the right school can make a tremendous difference, it is seldom a magic cure. My DD with autism thrived in a private thearaputic school, but she still had autism.

I hate the whole 'boys will be boys' thing. It suggests all boys need to be badly behaved / cant be controlled / cant control themselves and also suggests all girls need to be 'good'. Why can't we treat children as children not entire gender clones?