Teaching assistant grabbing child's chin?

[Spud90]

Opinions please I'm not sure if I'm overreacting. I don't think I am but here goes.

It's my 6 year olds first week in year 2 and he's quite forgetful and he struggles to stay focused(i suspect he may be dyslexic). He forgot to put his reading book in the box to be changed so I nipped in after school to change it and the teaching assistant was in his classroom. I said we'd just come in to change his reading book because he'd forgot to put it in the box and she started telling him off for it. Quite stern "what did I say to everyone this morning? I told everyone to make sure they remembered to put their reading books in the box! Everyone managed to do it except you" She was around 4 inches away from his face and he was looking at his feet. She grabbed his chin and lifted his face up to look at her and kept hold of his chin while she carried on telling him off. "How am I supposed to change your reading book if you don't put it in the box!"

I was very uncomfortable but felt frozen to the spot. I feel like I should've said something. He looked terrified and it was quite intimidating. Is she allowed to do that? Will they take me seriously if I go speak to his headteacher? I'm 31 weeks pregnant so a little sensitive but it really bothered me.

It does seem a ridiculously draconian reaction to a six year old child forgetting something.

I think it is worth having a word with the headteacher, certainly.

I wouldnt have liked that at all, but i would have said something there and then.. but im 38 weeks pregnant and very much in the angry stage 😂

Sounds quite an aggressive attitude to a simple issue. . If she is prepared to act like that with a dp present what is she like without one around?

Oh my gosh I would have marched to the head right then and there! That's disgusting. Please go to the head, as others said if she does that with you present no wonder what she does or will do without! My kid forgot to change the book until 8 years old and even then it's not always!

I am not sure, at yr2, he should be able to follow instructions.
Was he sulking while he was told off? Was she rough?
Since we don't know how it actually happened, and normally if it involves your child, it's quite difficult to be objective, I think you should do what you think is right.

I would think that as TAs are not allowed to touch children to put on sun cream they are not allowed to grab their faces in an aggressive manner.

She had nothing to be telling him off about. Yes he had forgotten to put his book in the box to be changed (what a waste of time to have a TA changing books in year 2!) and was doing it in his own time. What's the big deal?

It's a shame you didn't say anything at the time. I would ask to speak to her (or just the teacher) and tell her you didn't appreciate it the way she dealt with your child.

My son was grabbed by a TA when he was in year 1. I saw it myself and asked her to let go of him. She held on. I said again, with one hand on my son myself, 'Can you please let go of him now. I've got him.'. We were on a school trip and I was a parent helper. I have no problem with a guiding hand on the shoulder or a hug or anything like that. She was rough.

When we returned to school, she told me that I was not in charge of my child, she was. She put her hand up to my face, (in a speak to the hand type of way, not aggressive) and ordered me out. I had an armful of high vis jackets and was helping the dc to get their coats hung up. I was not confrontational at all.

I walked home in tears. I went home and called the head. The head called the next day to tell me that it didn't happen and that was the end of the matter. He said that the teacher would support the TA's account and that he supported his staff. End of. The TA wrote me a letter denying everything. She wrote about the training she had received and how she would never grab a child by the arm. I saw it with my own eyes! I couldn't trust her after that.

I deregistered the next day and we have home educated ever since. DS has told me since that the TA often dragged and pulled the children but it only normally happened to the 'naughty' ones.

Best decision I ever made!

Did she leave a mark? I would have called the police if a TA grabbed my kids arm and left a mark

How can you say that without knowing the circumstances, crazy?
TA maybe trying to stop the child doing something dangerous.

I'd look into sending your ds on a self-defence course.

Because it can't have been that " crazy " as the mum was there at the time. So I'm sure mum would have jumped in and stopped him if it were to stop him doing something dangerous

Did she leave a mark? No. If she had been forceful enough to leave a mark I would have called the police. She didn't hit him. She grabbed his arm and refused to let go when I reassured her that I had him. I didn't think too much of it until I realised that she knew I had a hold of him and she still refused to let go. When she finally did, she pushed his arm towards me. It was the angle and grip that bothered me. Not the force.

In fact. what really bothered me was that she denied doing it. If she had said, 'Sorry, I grabbed him because I thought he was approaching a road. I didn't realise you had him. I had one eye on X.' That would have been fine. But she lied and told me that she never touched the children.

I was standing on his left, her on his right. He wasn't doing anything that meant that he needed to be held.

My biggest issue was the way the staff 'closed ranks' and refused to acknowledge my complaint. I didn't want her fired fgs! I just wanted reassurance that he would not be grabbed like that again unless it was for a safety reason.

Honestly, I'm ashamed to say, that unless I had seen it with my own eyes, I probably wouldn't have believed ds.

Anyway, it was the final straw of a long list of issues with the school.

That sounds adult and I agree completely on the closing of ranks
It's disgusting and the main reason we are also looking into home education

Thank you everyone. I went in to speak to the head teacher. He didn't want to go to school this morning, clung on to me and said he wanted to go back home. I held his hand to walk him across the playground and he dug his heels in. He's only ever done this once since starting nursery and that was last year when a boy was punching him all the time.

The head teacher was slightly understanding but said he doesn't listen and needs to learn to do it. I said I don't think intimidating him into remembering will work. She's going to speak to the teaching assistant and his teacher. I feel like it got brushed under the carpet slightly but I'll be going back after school to follow up.

He was sat at his table crying when I walked past his classroom on the way out.

Please don't be bullied by the school

I wonder what the school would have made had they seen YOU grabbing your son by chin.

I don't know how your school does it, but at my ds's school, first task in the morning in ks1, including reception, was to change the books, when TA told them to. So not doing so means the child was not paying attention.
Grabbing chin, I don't know how forceful so I can't say it's right or wrong, but I can see if your ds was avoiding eye contact, I can see why TA made him look at her physically. I just cannot imagine that TA would do it with such a force right in front of his parent.
Making sulking child look at you with reasonable force by pulling face towards you, considered unacceptable in England? I don't know since I'm not English.

Yes completely not acceptable. I don't expect my child having his face pulled with ANY force for not listening. I would only expect him to be reatrained in any way unless posing a risk to himself or others.

Maybe I am used to being children disciplined physically since my ds does martial arts. But I would take more offence in child not listening to teacher/TA's instruction at yr2, than them discipline my ds right in front of me. (Obviously it's different story if the TA was using unreasonable force on a 6 year old.)

Your son is disciplined physically at martial arts?? My son is 8 and has been doing martial arts since 4 and never once been disciplined physically.

Sulking? He was looking away because she was in his face, standing over the top of him and he felt uncomfortable and intidimated as would I if I was in his position. No I don't think it is acceptable to pull his face up to look at her. She could've said "can you look at me when I'm speaking?" I wouldn't expect someone to grab my face and force me to look at them so I don't expect it doing to my child either.

Yeah, physical discipline is normal at my ds's class. That doesn't mean children are punched, etc. When my ds was in reception, he was chatting with other child. He was physically carried and moved to face teacher. That sort of things. And not listening/paying attention always end up in physical consequences, like 10 x push ups. But obviously I am not saying that it's right or wrong, just declare that my understanding is somewhat different from norm.

So op, why your yr2 child failed to change books while all others managed? You don't see any problem there?

Unpleasant, unecessary, and unprofessional.
There are far more effective ways of getting a child's attention,and engaging with them.

Plus, for some children, - ASD, or previously abused- such an act would be be so deeply unpleasant for them that it could provoke a physical reaction - the child lashing out- leading to