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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Hitting in reception

43 replies

Blink1982 · 08/09/2017 19:24

DS started reception last week. It's not been a great success. He was so excited about going but when he gets in there he wants to leave because he said he's too shy to talk to the other children.

One boy who he was friends with at Playschool went to the same school and class, which I was initially really pleased about. However since starting school he's been saying he's not friends with this boy and can't find the words to explain why.

Other boys mum text me today to say DS had been pushing this boy and today punched him 😲 obviously I'm horrified n so embaressed it's so unlike him to be hitting anyone. I can only think it's because of this change to new big school.

I asked him why he hurt this boy n he said because he kept following me. I've told him to say he doesn't want to play and stop following me if he needs to, but no hitting because it's not kind n hurts. I've also asked him to tell the teacher if he's following.

What more can I do?? It's only been a week n a half and I don't want him branded the mean kid :(

OP posts:

user789653241 · 08/09/2017 19:41

Hitting is very common in reception, I think. Children are not articulate enough to express their feelings, but start to get more like a little person and develop personality, so reacts physically.
Happened to my ds, teacher was very understanding and didn't judge.
I would speak to the teacher and explain what happened, what your ds said, and ask to keep an eye.

Liadain · 08/09/2017 22:22

Ah I thought I posted a comment to this earlier but I guess not! Yes, very common at that age. You've done right so far.

Roleplaying about what he could say might help. So could the book Have You Filled A Bucket Today - worked really well when I did it with kids about that age group.

At the same time I definitely wouldn't freak out and crack down hard, as that could be counterproductive. Modelling behaviours you want and encouraging him to speak out is the way to go imo.

littlebird7 · 08/09/2017 22:32

Starting school is overwhelming. He is only little, try not to worry.
Apologise to the other parent, and if it were me catch up with her in person to explain he is finding it hard. Most parents will completely understand.
Keep in close contact with the teachers and find out every day what is happening in a relaxed way.
Don't get stressed, just reinforce what he should do if he is worked/threatened. Remind him he is an a supportive and caring environment

littlebird7 · 08/09/2017 22:33

Worked - worried

Alpacaandgo · 08/09/2017 22:35

Hitting is common in reception? Seriously? Wtaf!

If my ds was hitting other children (he's just started reception) you can bet your life I'd be cracking down hard as it's simply not acceptable.

Liadain · 08/09/2017 22:58

Yes, it's not acceptable. There are ways to tackle hitting with a kid who doesn't have the language skills to express himself.

Cracking down hard and raging at a very small kid is not the way for me. I have taught in many settings, including for those with behavioural disorders.

GrabbyMcGrabby · 08/09/2017 23:16

You need an appointment with the teacher to establish what is really happening. Four and five year olds may not accurately report things like this. Then when you have a clear idea you can put in a plan to deal with it.

londonista · 09/09/2017 06:51

Liadain... well said!

user789653241 · 09/09/2017 09:37

Alpacaandgo,
My ds was a selective mute. He only started talking in reception to other kids. At first, he didn't know how to express his feeling in words, so he did push, shove, hit.
With lovely teacher's help, he was transformed. He learned how to voice his feelings.
He could have stigmatised as a bad child, and me as a useless mum. Instead, the teacher told me I was a great mum, and gave us a lot of help, and by the end of reception, he was totally a different child.
Every child is different, and I do agree hitting other children are not acceptable, but sometimes it happens. How to deal with it is more important rather than saying it's not just acceptable.

user789653241 · 09/09/2017 09:46

Actually, the child my ds hit in reception, was one of my ds's best buddies now. I went to apologise, they were very understanding, the parents were both primary teachers. I am glad they weren't like you.

Dothedodah · 09/09/2017 09:51

Totally inappropriate for the other parent to text. It's a school incident so should be dealt with by the school and investigated.

Crazycatsandkids · 09/09/2017 10:15

Agree regarding the contact made by other parent
Not on and I would be referring her back to the school if she has any issues

user789653241 · 09/09/2017 10:30

Why is it inappropriate? Everyone reacts differently. If you knew the parent personally, I find it better to find it from parents rather than through school, if it involves no injury.

Original poster

Blink1982 · 09/09/2017 10:52

I think she contacted me because her son didn't tell the teacher so they didn't know what had happened. Although when she text I was like what can I do other than talk about why he did it, not to do it again and why we dont hurt others. Im not at school with him so I can't be there to stop it if I see him getting worked up or anything. She said I'd expect you to tell me if my son was doing it to your DS.

She's told the teacher yesterday apparently so I'll follow your advice and speak to them Monday too so we can sort out a plan of attack 😁

Today will be more of reminding him what to say to the boy if he doesn't want to play, to go and speak to the teacher and that hitting is wrong n why.

I've put that bucket book in my basket!

OP posts:

Original poster

Blink1982 · 09/09/2017 10:58

I'm still feeling sick about it today.

OP posts:

user789653241 · 09/09/2017 11:03

"I'm still feeling sick about it today."

I did feel the same. It will sort out, with right help from you and teacher.
I dreaded going to pick ds up in reception.
Totally a distant dream now.

MynewnameisKy · 09/09/2017 11:06

Blink we went through a horrendous time with Ds and hitting in nursery and here is what I would do differently.

Speak to the teacher - Ds and another child were never allowed on the same table/ together in the line etc - they are still in same class and fine with each other now.

Give him something he can go to teacher with when he is feeling overwhelmed. Ds's was like a red triangle- he didn't need words just a bit of time out.

Talk to him about kind hands and give him words to use / roleplay.

Make sure he gets lots of cuddles etc and to bed early, lots of healthy food.

Don't worry, if you get anxious about Reception he will sense that and be anxious too.

And hitting is really common in Reception. That's not the same as saying it's acceptable. If the child is anxious "coming down hard on him" could increase anxiety and make it worse.

londonista · 09/09/2017 11:43

Mynewname... exactly. Good advice.

I wouldn't have an issue with another parent texting me, I'd want to know.

I've got a couple of perps here, I got a lot of texts from a lot of parents! they were both late talkers and eldest had a stammer till Year 2. Zero tolerance and lots of cuddles and listening/encouragement sorted it out. He is such a gentle boy now.

TeenTimesTwo · 09/09/2017 15:46

I think MyNewNames advice is spot on.

In general, it is not wise to contact other parents directly, however well you get on with them. People can get remarkably defensive about their own child, plus if you weren't there you don't know the whole course of events. Always better to approach the teacher.

MiaowTheCat · 09/09/2017 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crazycatsandkids · 09/09/2017 23:21

I'm sorry but issues that happen in school should stay in school.
If her son told her at home that your son had hurt him she should have approached the school who then would have spoken to the kids then to you.
It's not about being defensive of your own kids, it's about it causing a whole load of issues outside school which should be dealt by the person who was in charge of them at the time which was the teacher.
OP please don't worry, within my friendship group every single one of us had our kids do something like this in reception.
By year 1 they grow up a lot, have learnt school rules and it all calms down.
And it just gets better as the years go on!
She needs to grow a thicker skin if this is a big issue to her!

Original poster

Blink1982 · 09/09/2017 23:46

Thank you all for helping ease my worries. He is the kindest little guy ever so I didn't really believe her at first until my niece asked him to show her what he did 😲

I'm sure the school will sort it, I've heard nothing but good things about the place, but I hope to god he's not branded for this it would upset me so much and destroy him.

OP posts:

Cupoteap · 11/09/2017 07:05

I've found that 'following' is something that has annoyed both of mine. Which of course makes it even more fun for the other child/ren.

MaverickSnoopy · 11/09/2017 08:26

The day I picked dd up from reception to find out that she'd hit 7 (yes 7) children was quite the shock. Stern words as well as discussion about why and a reminder of how to treat people and it never happened again. She wasn't and isn't a girl who hits and so mostly it was about the why and making sure she knew who to speak to in her new environment.

It was week 1 and it's not normal for him. He will be ok and this will become a distant memory.

MiaowTheCat · 11/09/2017 09:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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