Bad school report - what to do?

[ocelot41]

DS (7) is struggling academically in a new school after a relocation. His school report made it clear that his behaviour has been disrepectful and disruptive. That's really not ok. What should I do?

Really nice to hear from you Starlight. I don't think we will hear back from Ed Psych until well into next term. So yes, no man's land! We are a couple of weeks into hols - one week in the Highlands (works really well as we walk every day) one week with my wonderful DSis whilst I moved house. Now we have so much more space I hope that will help. And we have just got a pet - he LOVES animals! So encouraging him to take responsibility that way. It's a weird place isn't it - no idea if just tuning out instructions he doesn't want to hear (which merits one approach) or a serious problems with attention/working memory (which would merit another)

Also not listening, not following instructions here plus inability to be still, often angry and frustrated, esp during transitions. Poor impulse control and doesn't abide by boundaries. We were having big problems with sleeping but a weighted blanket is really helping with that.

Relaxation CD made a huge difference at nighttime.. I am doing what gets him to follow rules as much as possible, however I do feel like I may well be doing some strategies when I know what is going on and what CAHMS recommend ..

Great tip Starlight - which ones do you use?

I would want to contact school at the start of the year and make a plan. It's no good them giving a report at the end of the year with negatives in. You need daily or weekly contact. What's going well? What strategies are they using? Any negative incidents each day? You can't issue consequences now in the holidays for some incidences of behaviour weeks ago.
Don't panic! You can work with the school. Good luck.

I took my DS into one of those shops that you press all the buttons and listen to samples we spent a Very long half hour while he picked it..He chose guitars and the sea I think but I figured it had to be relaxing for him not me.

You should of been made aware of the contents of the report if there is readon for concern. You need to have a meeting with the teachers (son not present) and have a talk with them about whats going wrong. The punishment they have in place (loss of break time for example)
And come up with a plan.

You need to have a frank chat with your don about how he is feeling and rrassire him that its ok to have feelings of sadness, frustration and anger but its not ok to take it out on other people.

Oh bless his wee heart, sitting still and listening to instructions is so boring and HARD for a lot of children,

With the issues you describe and the move, he has a lot to cope with.

My son had similar problems if I got a lot of help from an OT. School not great at first but after a meeting with the principal things improved a great deal.

I put a lot of effort into helping him develop core strength (swimming, climbing, trampolining) as that helps them to sit still; we had finger strengthening exercises to help his writing, cool off strategies, brain food diets, audio books (as reading was hard for him), and really just a lot of trial, error and occasional success

He's extremely loving and will curl up with the cat for ages, and responds very well to route, physical exercise and hands on tasks (baking, washing up fixing, board games).

Now 9 and a different boy - steaming ahead academically, highly involved at school and in sport, plays 2 instruments and has lots of friends.
Best of all he has gained insight into his challenges and is able to identify his needs (I need quiet time, I need a hug).

Socially he can still be immature when under pressure (noisy restaurant, lots of guests) but so
much better than 2 yrs ago.

So keep doing what you're doing, remember there are lots of kids and parents struggling like you, and have faith that things can get a lot better.

Thanks for all the sympathy and help here guys. I really appreciate it. I have been feeling like I am failing as a parent