Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Email sent to school from another parent re my child

67 replies

Mummypig1973 · 08/07/2017 22:46

Hi,
I'm after some advice...
I received a phone call friday afternoon from head teacher.. she'd had an email sent to her on Wednesday from another parent suggesting that my dd ( age 11, yr 6) was having suicidal/self harming thoughts...
Firstly my dd is fine and not having any thoughts BUT..where do i stand re finding out who has sent this...and advice on what to do..
I know all her friends parents and am gutted that they didn't discuss with me

OP posts:

userblahblahwhatever · 09/07/2017 09:22

Although I agree the most important thing is that your DD is ok, and you need to be alert to the fact that you might not know everything about your daughter, I'd also want to know who it was - it's human nature!

Requeat a meeting with the head and I'm sure you will get to the bottom of it.

Migraleve · 09/07/2017 09:34

Should you not be pleased that if there were an issue it has been brought to your attention

Honestly some people have right weird reactions on here

prh47bridge · 09/07/2017 09:35

Request a meeting with the head and I'm sure you will get to the bottom of it.

If, by getting to the bottom of it, you mean finding out who it was I sincerely hope a meeting with the head would not provide that information. People need to know that they can share child protection concerns with schools and social services without fear of comeback from the child's parents or they will be deterred from reporting genuine concerns. The school must not do anything that would reveal who sent the email.

Squishedstrawberry4 · 09/07/2017 09:41

It's great that you have such a good relationship with your kids. Just take note and keep your eyes peeled to help with worrying emotions. Maybe get hold of some reading material to help DC in an indirect way

userblahblahwhatever · 09/07/2017 09:42

No I did t mean get to the bottom of who it was. I meant she would get to the bottom of why these comments have come to light, the context and if there are any concerns at school.

Hoppinggreen · 09/07/2017 09:47

I have a very open and honest relationship with my dd12
We talk a lot and I know what is going on in her life
Last week it came to light she is self harming - didn't have a bloody clue!!
We are dealing with it now and hopefully the emailer is wromg and your DD is fine but don't dismiss it out of hand

Witchend · 09/07/2017 11:29

Thank you Italiangreyhound She still has up and down (just coming out of a down at the moment, which was kind of a bump down from a rather large high combined with other issues) but it means that I'm aware and can act as soon as I see warning signs, and her GP is fantastic. I can phone up the surgery and he'll move Heaven and earth for her.

I think she did want me to see the letters, I'm not sure about the bite mark though.

jamdonut · 09/07/2017 11:56

OP, I thought I knew my daughter.

I had to hear from her favourite secondary school teacher that she had been self-harming. She had told her everything but felt she couldn't tell me herself and gave permission for the teacher to contact me.
Now , admittedly, my daughter was much older....but I had absolutely NO idea, none , and it was a huge shock and I really couldn't believe it.
The woman from CAMHS who spoke to me on the phone ,a few weeks later ,accused me of not taking it seriously and I had to explain at I didn't recognise the child she was talking about. She was threatening having my daughter taken into care ! (She was 16).

Please ...don't dismiss it. Explore every avenue, (with the help of school) - don't assume your child WILL tell you about it.
After a course of treatment she seems fine now - as she always did seem!
But, she absolutely will not discuss this episode with me, ever.

jamdonut · 09/07/2017 12:00

I should also add, the person who sent the email to school was doing their safeguarding duty.
Why are you so incensed that someone thought it important enough to let school know.
Be grateful to them! And school for taking the matter seriously and contacting you.

Eggandchipsfortea93 · 09/07/2017 12:03

You might be - under data protection/freedom of information type legislation.
I think dpa IS relevant, but only in that the person who emailed the school is entitled to privacy. The report appears to have been made only with good intentions (whether or not it turns out to be true), so there is no reason you should get hold of their identity.
Please focus on working out how to support your DD to be able to talk about how she feels, rather than dismissing that, and going straight for 'who did this?'

Allthebestnamesareused · 09/07/2017 19:02

Please don't assume your child is ok. A young boy local to us who had loads of friends and outwardly appeared fine and happy hung himself last week.

Also as a 14 year old I attempted suicide. My parents would have thought the same and indeed when the psychologist visited me in hospital unfortunately it was not in private and my Mum told her it was because I didn't like my haircut! It wasn't that at all - I had been a victim of an assault which I ended up getting counselling for in my 30s.

Such reports are safeguarding issues and you will not be told who sent the email and the person sending the email will not be told what actions are taken nor will they be told any outcome.

Yokohamajojo · 10/07/2017 09:27

I have been that parent who has contacted school about a pupil in my DC's class. My DC came home and said that XX had said that he wanted to kill himself. I didn't know if it had been a flippant comment or a more serious comment. My DC didn't want to talk about it and I couldn't just not do something so I contacted the Senco and she dealt with it. I do know the parents of this pupil but I felt that school would be better equipped to deal with it.

sashh · 10/07/2017 11:43

If my year 6 child told me another one was suicidal apart from having a serious chat with my own child I may well contact the head anonymously, maybe by setting up a new email.

Who said it is not important, I would think it is a parent who's child has said something and who is 99.99999% sure it isn't true but feels they have to act.

Notreallyarsed · 10/07/2017 11:48

OP it sounds like you're doing everything to chat to your kids about feelings and how they are, which is great, but please, please be aware that there are some things kids will keep from their parents.
Without going into too much detail I had my teenage niece to stay last week and she wasn't herself (despite her mum being like you and being aware of keeping an eye and making sure she's ok). Eventually I got it out of her that something terrible had happened last year, she's been self harming and the police are now involved as well as counsellors. It wasn't anything to do with emotional neglect from her mum, quite the opposite, she was trying to protect her mum.

Pengggwn · 10/07/2017 18:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BewareOfDragons · 10/07/2017 18:32

I reported a child for self-harming. I have no doubt that the parents of the child will have dismissed the report, because I know what they're like, but I reported it because (a) I saw it, (b) the child essentially admitted it ('couldn't remember how the harm happened' in the middle of class), and (c) the child has a daily 'ailment' of something hurting/feeling sick/feeling funny because the child is very, very stressed and not doing very well academically. The ailments always arise when the child is not sure how to do something. I feel very, very sorry for the child because the parents will discount it as being silly and dramatic and not true when the child clearly needs more support.

OhTheRoses · 10/07/2017 20:07

bewareofdragons I had a child like that although she was achieving. Just not as much as she wanted and the head once said she was a dilemma pitching from absolute genius to mediocrity. We agreed thinking sometimes she was a bit lazy and the head agreed.

Then you know what the self harm started and escalated. CAMHS refused to help. Eventually a private psychiatrist diagnosed ADHD ADD variant. DD has interviewed at Oxford.

Oh yes teachers and nurses know everything don't they. Would love to know where dd would be now if we'd followed their advice.

Why not carry on rubbishing parents why don't you.

Flip

1 2 3