If a child stabbed another dc in the hand with pencil WW happen in your school?

[justgivemeamo]

Just wondering a DC who is 9 and has since little had repeated violent outbursts is going to get a missed break time for leaving two puncture wounds in another dc hand.

Would parents get told about this?
Personally I would expect the parents of the child to be told, and be called into the school to work on this?

IMO, it's a myth that aggressive or bullying behaviour always stems from a troubled background. Sometimes it's just that child's personality, which research psychologists now reckon is around 50% genetically inherited.

But it seems obvious to me that as long as society believes that myth, then of course there will be parents 'in denial'. They either (quite logically) believe their child can't be a bully because the know their home isn't 'troubled' - or, they refuse to admit their child is a bully because everyone else will believe (often wrongly) that their home must be 'troubled'.

These kinds of beliefs were created back when psychologists thought the human mind was a 'blank slate' and all difficulties were caused by nurture. Research has shown that that's not the case, and schools and society need to catch up.

Assuming it is not your DC . you only know what you have been told.

My DS was bit at school. I have no idea what punishment the child had. He never did it again.My issue is how is my DS and how is he safeguarded.

How do you know parents were not informed. My DS is on a home/school book so lots of information is passed on to me that no other parents or children

Kesstral do you think a genetic rather than nurture cause is any easier for parents to accept ?

I think, for what it's worth, that most parents of children with behaviour difficulties look at their family history. Lots of parents will say they had behavioural difficulties at school and some have had continued behavioural difficulties ending up in prison. Also some parents lose touch with each other so have no real idea of family traits.

I feel that some parents really do not understand what is happening with their child. I agree they can be outwardly calm but often they are seeking help. Some parents give schools a very hard time about inclusivity and really do not see how other children are affected. The school has to negotiate this minefield. However they must protect all pupils.

Regarding a new type of special school, that isn't a standard special school, the Primary Prus have this role. We also used to have nurture groups in separate units where children visited for 1-3 days a week for play therapy. The children were reintegrated back into school after there had been improvement in behaviour. This was in the good old days of my LA having control of much more than it does now ! We had behavioural specialist teachers visiting schools. There was still conflict and parents often ganged up to get a child removed and the Heads were desperate. This was frequently in small village schools and sometimes C of E ones.

No-one likes a child with emotional and behavioural difficulties. The child with physical disabilities or dyslexia never gets parents plotting against them. Parents with the poorly behaved one often feel under siege. The only way out of a severe behaviour problem is to get significant targeted help in the classroom (or part time at a unit) or for the Head and parents to push for a special school. Some of the children who went to special schools in my LA at primary age were pretty dangerous and violent.

Mrz Yes, I do. Because it means that they don't have to believe that they've necessarily done something that damaged their child, for which they must blame themselves, and be blamed by others.

Genetic inheritance isn't something you can help; and it can come from further back than the parents themselves. Genetic influences can also be due to chance mutation.

Psychologists used to blame autism on 'refrigerator mothers'. A psychiatrist told my own mother that my brother's ADHD and dysgraphia were due to her letting him sleep in her bed occasionaly when my Dad was away (at the age of 5). It was incredibly cruel, and completely wrong. (Funny how it was usually the mother who was to blame .)

Personally I still blamed myself for my child's SEN

That happened to me at school once ! I got given a plaster. That was it.

And as a mother of a child with dyspraxia and SPLD, I am incredibly grateful to have been spared my mother's experience. I suspect many parents of children with SEBD would feel the same.

Mrz

Kesstral do you think a genetic rather than nurture cause is any easier for parents to accept ?

Oh goodness yes of course. I have seen this in action with DH family, blaming a condition I would say and their friends and wider family say are directly caused by them on a genetic strain running through the family. Much easier for them to pass it onto someone else.

I know my dm on the whole felt no responsibility for Dsis disabilities but occasionally it would flare up and she would question herself.
One wonders if the DM in this case response when her DC viciously hurt a baby when 4( ie defensive, no shame, no apology to the dm cradling her screaming baby etc) has helped to create this massive trouble now.

bubbles I cant say too much as I dont want to out myself but this family know each other very well, there is a very strong network on both sides, GP and siblings, all very MC highly educated, good careers. The school pretty much said its their job to keep all dc happy ie incl the disruptive ones.

Thats fine, they of course have to get educated and have a place too - but musing to myself - at what cost, for how many years and for how long.

Until everything has been exhausted and there is still no improvement. Also the parents agreeing that there needs to be a change of setting. Parents are the best advocates for their children but this can make it very difficult if they want mainstream more than anything and won't accept an alternative. It is rather admitting you have failed even if you haven't.

In my experience, the educated MC parents can be the last to accept a new setting. They tend to think all problems are dyslexia or caused by dyslexia.