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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

School Phobia

33 replies

chocolateface · 16/03/2007 23:14

Does anyone else have a child just too scared to go to school for no obvious reason? I'm I the only person this is happening to. I can't physically get him in anymore.

OP posts:

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juuule · 17/03/2007 10:16

Maybe reading the following link might help
school phobia

redbeki · 28/03/2007 21:25

I understand choclateface,my ds was like this for over a year,and the school were rubbish at sorting the problem out .My son could not articulate what was going wrong for him as it seemed there was too many things wrong including bullying.We couldn't get him in either.It's so stressful,and exhausting.He was very unhappy.I stuck my neck out ,and moved him to another school which is much nicer,and he loves it.The difference in him in a very short space of time,is amazing.He's like a different boy.now,he's happy ,and so are we.
You may not have this option,but for us ,it was the best decision we've made in a long time.Good luck with your lo.

spudmasher · 28/03/2007 21:26

Oh, no! Chocolateface!
Problem still there?
Update me.
What has happened this week...

Original poster

Chocolateface · 24/04/2007 14:45

DS refused to go to school today. I got him into the car in his PJ's, as he was too scared to be left at home when I took DS2 to pre-school. He's only 8, so obviously I wouldn't have left him anyway. I went into school and told them he was outside in the car, but I couldn't force him in. I don't know what my next move is. I don't think he'd be happier at any other school!

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majorstress · 24/04/2007 14:56

any idea what the problem is at all?

What does he say if you suggest another school? What does he WANT, as opposed to doesn't want? to stay with you? At home? or just not to be in that place? or with certain people?

3littlefrogs · 24/04/2007 14:56

Had an awful time with ds seriously anxious and depressed about all sorts of school problems, including bullying. moved him to another school. Best thing we ever did. Even if your dd cannot articulate what is wrong, he is definitely telling you something.

3littlefrogs · 24/04/2007 14:57

He was 8 BTW.

Original poster

Chocolateface · 24/04/2007 17:25

He's said he doesn't want to look at other schools. He says that they'll all be as bad as each other. I think we'd have the same problem if we moved him.

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spudmasher · 24/04/2007 17:39

Are you doing schooltype work with him at home? If so how is he doing and is he enjoying it? Might help to try and find out if it is the work he does not like or the whole school environment and people.

Original poster

Chocolateface · 24/04/2007 17:45

He's accademic, but is definately falling behind. We spent a lot of the day catching up on homework he's refused to bring home before.

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spudmasher · 24/04/2007 17:47

So what are the school doing? Is the EWO involved yet?

Original poster

Chocolateface · 24/04/2007 17:50

The school are observing him for AS, but I don't think he'll ever be diognosed.
What's the EWO?

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spudmasher · 24/04/2007 17:59

It stands for Educational Welfare Officer. They monitor registers and check up on absenteeism.How much school has he missed? Is he going in at all?

Original poster

Chocolateface · 24/04/2007 18:21

He's only missed two days. On the other days he's played up, DH carried him in. He's just said he's worried about going swimming with the school on Fridays (major breakthrough!) His class is going again this term after having a term off. Before Easter he was stressed about our house move. There always seems to be some excuse.

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spudmasher · 24/04/2007 18:41

But does he settle once he's there? What do the teachers say he is like in school?

Original poster

Chocolateface · 24/04/2007 18:57

He does settle. In the past teachers have always said he's "fine". He was really uptight at the end of last term. I could see him thaw through out the holidays, and he went back to school quite happily this term. He's gradually tensed up again though, and can be quite horrid.He also refuses to go to bed when he's unhappy.Last night was a real struggle.

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spudmasher · 24/04/2007 19:18

Hmmmm. What about the educational psycholgist? As he is beeng assessed, I would presume he will be seen by one as part of that. It takes a long time though. I always advise parents to see their GP as this can speed up the whole process and get you advice and help a bit faster.

Original poster

Chocolateface · 24/04/2007 19:24

The head sent us off to the GP to ask for a referal last time we couldn't get him in to school, but apparently it'll take months. I think that was for Chld & Adolescent Mental Health, though. Apparently he will be seen by the educational psychologist at some point, to do with him being diagnosed with AS,( or not as the case may be!)

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redbeki · 24/04/2007 22:00

I really feel for you choc,because I've been there.
My son hated the thought of moving to another school,even though he hated the school he was at.He didn't want the change.But we couldn't carry on ,so we did move him,and now we've moved on ,and he loves school.
It was tearing us apart,as a family.And now it's so different.I think you must really seriously consider moving him.You have nothing to lose,and everything to gain.
He sounds so unhappy-poor thing.It's so horrible.Makes me feel sick when I think back to 6 months ago.
Take positive action before it gets worse.

redbeki · 24/04/2007 22:06

Also,It's not your son that is the problem,but the whole environment he has to face every day.Some children do not thrive at certain schools,no matter how many people try and help.
He's telling you in his behaviour that something is very wrong with the school,not him.

Original poster

Chocolateface · 24/04/2007 22:49

It's a large school, junior school with 3 classes in each year, so about 100 chilren in each year. I think the enviroment of a large shcool is just too much for him, but short of us moving to a village, I don't think there's much we can do. I think I will look at other schools, though. Eventually, he'll probably end up in a large, although good comprehensive. I've always thought the school he's in now would prpare him better for high school.I can't imagine what he's make of a comp after a village school.

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TheodoresMummy · 25/04/2007 00:02

Why do you not think he'll ever be diagnosed ?

Original poster

Chocolateface · 25/04/2007 11:25

Well he refused again today! Went into school and had a chat to the head and his teacher. We're all at a loss as to what to do.Came home and 'phoned the CAAMH (?) to try and push his appointment with the psychologist forward. Was told he wasn't a priority as they have to deal with children who have been abused or who's parents have been killed.(This made me cry, and feel very guilty for being so pushy)We've packed the playstation away, as he was being so difficult the night before last. Wev'e told him he can have it back when he goes to shcool. He says he's not going to eat untill he has it back, and he's not going to school.
Deadlock.i'm presuming he won't starve himself.
His teacher mentioned that she thinks there is "definately something there" regarding Aspergers, so that's given me a bit of hope, but made me realise we can't change shcools now this assesment is in place Also DS2 is starting at the partner infant shool in sept', just one more reason not to move schools.

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juuule · 25/04/2007 12:22

Chocolateface - I feel so sorry for your ds. Imo he really needs to come out of school for the sake of his health even if it's only short term. Keeping forcing him to go like this and just upping the penalties for him surely can't be a good thing for him. Please read the school phobia link I posted earlier.
Perhaps if he had a break for a while, got assessed and then went to a different school.

Original poster

Chocolateface · 25/04/2007 13:17

Juule, I know your'e right. I always swore I wouldn't do anything with my children which went against my gut reaction. My head is saying one thing and my heart another. I really have to try to get my head around this.

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