Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Is it possible to have a bright child and not be a pushy parent?

135 replies

Enid · 15/03/2007 13:00

What happens if you just leave your bright child to get on with it? Do you HAVE to do extra work with them at home or lobby the school for G&T?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

bonkerz · 15/03/2007 13:04

Depends on the child. My son is above average intelligent (is 6yrs and 8 months in Y2 and finding Y3 work easy! scoring 3+ on sats) If you gave my son the choice of watching TV or doing a work sheet he would choose the worksheet. He did 14 pages of a Y3 maths book the other night for FUN and when i asked him to put it away he sobbed and argued with me!

colditz · 15/03/2007 13:04

they end up avidly devouring qany form of information - in such manner are trainspotters born.

Original poster

Enid · 15/03/2007 13:05

but what happens if you dont buy worksheets

OP posts:

dejags · 15/03/2007 13:07

I have a bright child (assessed as above average verbal and non-verbal intelligence).

We were definitely pushy but his intellect came before that.

I have since realised that our pushyness is actually going to destroy his intellect because by being so pushy we are damaging his self esteem. For my DS they go hand in hand.

So I had to learn to be a not pushy parent in order to let him be what he is naturally iyswim.

HuwEdwards · 15/03/2007 13:08

No, Enid, if me and my siblings are anything to go by, I don't believe parental input is necessary.

I think parental attitude towards the view that you reap what you so is important.

I wish my school did G&T, I'd lobby them for a large one each pick-up....

HuwEdwards · 15/03/2007 13:09

sow

Original poster

Enid · 15/03/2007 13:09

respect dejags

what a lovely humbling thing to admit to

I think I love you now

OP posts:

bonkerz · 15/03/2007 13:10

dont buy worksheets school send them home as they are unable to challenge him in school and he asks for harder work!!! He brings home work on a friday that is meant to last all week and he hands it in on monday without a word from me!

dejags · 15/03/2007 13:10

cheers Enid.

I am crap sometimes. But I did my best.

How I have cried about this and felt bad but it doesn't make any difference.

He is a small boy with small boys needs and for now that's my focus.

colditz · 15/03/2007 13:11

I was bright
my parents not pushy
I have no ambition whatsoever
Am SAHM - never had a career - just a sequence of jobs

my friend was just as bright
Parents very pushy
She is an economic analyst
has a Masters degree
Is also a bulimic who is very attracted to controlling men.

My feeling is that without someone to tell her what to do, she is scared of life.

Nobody tells me what to do, I have been making my own choices for a very long time now. I'm not scared of life. I'm scared of screwing up, but isn't every mother?

yoyo · 15/03/2007 13:13

I think it will depend hugely on your DD's school (assuming you are referring to one of yours here). Lots of people seem to have very supportive schools, e.g. Roisin but there are others like Frogs who have not been so lucky.
My DD1 is in a class of 28 and 11 of these are classed as having special needs (not at the "gifted" end). I understand that it is exceptionally hard to differentiate effectively with such a difficult cohort and have found myself having to do a lot of the more advanced stuff at home. It is hard work. The school were not receptive to providing G&T (resources stretched enough as it is I suspect). I found that it was more effective to put my energy into working at home or, rather, extending the work done at school than to be at loggerheads with them. I don't think "leaving them to get on with it" is an option as they get older as they just get frustrated.

mythumbelinas · 15/03/2007 13:13

I think i was a bright child .. but parents never did anything except tell us to do well at school. My mum didn't even go to any of our parent's evenings, although my dad would.
I'd just finish work quicker, go to juniors for library books because infants was too easy, etc.
I remember finishing my year and next years maths book, only to have to do the same book the next year.
Did maths GCSE a year early .. my younger sis did it the same year as me, so 2 yrs early for her. She's far more competitive so has done better career-wise, where as i'm a SAHM now.
Think because i wasn't encouraged in anything it all levelled off in the end.

ScummyMummy · 15/03/2007 13:15

I love dejags too.
I'm not sure mine are particularly bright but they seem to do fine left to get on with it.

fennel · 15/03/2007 13:15

I don't really understand why the only way people can think of of stretching or satisfying a bright child's interests involve worksheets and revision papers.

There are so MANY things you can do with a bright child, making maths, science, reading, languages fun. why go for the revision paper approach? Why not play games with them? (my dds like scrabble and chess at the moment, that should stretch them for a while yet). do crosswords. make up projects.

dejags · 15/03/2007 13:19

Oh lord Scummy and Enid - you have made my day ....

foxinsocks · 15/03/2007 13:20

I love dejags too (and she can have a squishy hug from me after she's stuffed her face with waffles and ice cream )

I was v good at maths at school and was left to get on with it. I was quite self motivated (not enormously so though it has to be said) and if ANYTHING, I wish I had been given more encouragement in the subjects I didn't pick up quickly so that I had a more rounded education rather than sticking solidly to the subjects I knew I could do easily.

portonovo · 15/03/2007 13:21

Couldn't agree more, Fennel.

colditz · 15/03/2007 13:21

I was given a library card and taken as often as I wanted to go.

So, on paper, I am a bit crap. BUT I have an opinion on everything and a burning curiousity - not a bad thing, yes?

bonkerz · 15/03/2007 13:23

my son loves crosswords and we love scrabble and he is currently learning to play chess. I buy alot of PC games which he loves eg bowling but hidden in it is fractions, percenatges etc We write stories together and are always rewriting books with specific characters involved. Worksheets and booklets play a minor role in his extended learning. Unfortunatley the school like to see what DS is doing at home even though they cannot build on it. IYKWIM

OrmIrian · 15/03/2007 13:24

Course it is. I was above average intelligence at school but was not pushed particularly. Intelligence is simply there - it's not like you have to exercise it or it disappears. Bright children will always find something to do to keep themselves entertained - a house full of books, toys, all and any questions answered to the best of your ability, visits to museums, nature walks.... all these things will do just as well as 'pushing' a child academically. If they want to do extra school work they can and will (DS#1 never would as he has a tendency to be lazy, but DD always would) My children are reasonably bright but they are also kind, good-natured, physically able, athletic, attractive, creative to a greater or less degree. Why does the 'bright' thing have to be more important than any other facets of their character?

dejags · 15/03/2007 13:24

Foxinsocks . Lots and lots of ice-cream with as many sauces as you can shake a stick at before puking .

Yummy - I think I'll go there this weekend - I have tomorrow off so a long weekend for me.

fennel · 15/03/2007 13:25

I also think it's very different pushing/encouraging a child at age 6, 12 or 16 say.

It might be appropriate at the older ages but I can't see any reason to hothouse an infant. However bright they may be.

zippitippitoes · 15/03/2007 13:26

some children do well anyway and some sit back

I don't believe that a child will do well in any school even a bad one because they are bright many are dismally failed by that assumption

Marina · 15/03/2007 13:26

I'll admit to having had a crap time at primary because I was a clever child, but not wily enough to realise that putting your hand up whenever you knew the answer was a bad move.
Things got very bad at one point (head and deputy turning a blind eye to bullying of both bright children and the child with ASD and a child with cystic fibrosis FFS).
My parents were pushy in the sense that they disregarded the head's dubious reasons for not wanting to put me forward for the local grammar and put me down anyway.
So it is thanks to them that I finally found myself in a school where it was OK to want to learn and where neither teachers nor pupils were bullies.
But this was the seventies, so - test papers, tuition, improving activities? No
Just access to lots of books and encouragement

foxinsocks · 15/03/2007 13:26

mmmmmmmmm you will have to report back on what you had

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6