Is it possible to have a bright child and not be a pushy parent?

[Enid]

What happens if you just leave your bright child to get on with it? Do you HAVE to do extra work with them at home or lobby the school for G&T?

I think there is a difference between being pushy and just encouraging your child in the things they are good at.

DS has a very high reading age. I do look out for new books for him to read (difficult to find books with long words, but appropriate content for a seven year old). We take him to national trust properties and explore the history etc about them. We like science programmes on telly (Discovery Kids is a great loss to us) and discuss and practice the science behind them (by baking to see how yeast works, or building things to look at angles, gravity etc).

In other words, we stretch his abilities, but not in a truly academic sense. If any of us are tired, then we don't do it for a couple of days. Generally then he'll come to tell us something he's discovered in his own time.

I suspect that even if you don't encourage them, they'll still work out. Cream always rises to the top !

marina, I know how you feel about shocking education - our area, whilst being fine in places for primary (phew), is abysmal for secondary. There's only 1 school that is a possibility for ds1 to go to, I'm already stressing about what happens if he doesn't get in! It's appallingreally isn't it, that this situation still exists!

There are at least three Oxbridge graduates on this thread, probably more

Clumsymum - IME it's scum that rises to the top

my ds1 (6) is extremely bright (school apparently gives him maths and reading years ahead of what his peers are doing, not that I would have noticed this if they hadn't told me). I am not a pushy parent (far too lazy and have far too many children). I think with intelligent children you should make sure there are always lots of books in the house, should always answer all of their questions truthfully ("Mummy, what is torture?" was yesterday's), even if you dont think they will quite understand (it is amazing how often they come back a couple of days later with supplementary questions which means they really HAVE been thinking about it), play lots of games with them (he is a whizz at cluedo and monopoly) and allow them lots of time to imagine and think and do what they want.

I couldn't think of anything worse than making them do SATs at home. Who benefits from that?

In fact I don't really bother doing his spellings with him (because he thinks it is boring, and actually he picks most of it up reading, and I don't care if he gets 7 out of 10 by doing a blind test - I know he'd get 10/10 if we actually looked at them, so again where is the benefit?) and I certainly don't bother going through his maths with him (again, if he is operating 2 years ahead of himself and his teacher is happy, what is the point? It will only bore him). He reads to me most evenings but it won't always be his school book - yesterday it was a Horrid Henry he really wanted to finish.

He spends a lot of time tormenting his siblings and running around outside and reading.
He is very happy.

your own primary sounds awful marina

I should add that it is now a very different sort of school . Still sought after and deservedly popular. The then Head was the problem, and he is long gone.

Do you know, I only really think about these things when I come on here.I think DS is bright but certainly not on the genius spectrum like some of the children on here. He gets on well at school in most aspects of the experience, academic stuff, playing, eating good lunches etc and enjoys going which I am pleased about. I sometimes do mental arithmetic with him to pass the time in the car but only until he gets bored with it, or more likely, I get bored with it.

And dejags I think you are doing fantastically for DS1.

In answer to the OP, it depends on the school, the curriculum and the child's personality.

Being bored for shortish periods is fine. Being frustratingly, mind-numbingly bored for long periods (6+ hours a day, 39 weeks a year) is not great, as anyone who's ever had a temp job as a switchboard operator or data-entry clerk will testify.

In dd1's case, she channelled her energy into playing mind-games with the teachers, in an attempt to see how rude she could be without saying or doing anything that the teachers could take action on. The result, predictably enough, was that all the teachers hated her and she came home in a royal sulk day after flipping day. She'd pull pointless stunts to get herself sent out of the classroom. We'd got letters home complaining about her attitude, and had to endure her endless diatribes about how much she hated school and how stupid it all was. In the really bad years it poisoned the atmosphere of our whole family life during term-time.

Half a term into her secondary school and she was transformed into little Miss Goody Two-Shoes, collecting A- grades, commendations and praise postcards, and the teachers falling over themselves with syrupy comments at parents' evening.

With hindsight, we should have moved schools at primary level to somewhere that was more open-minded, more creative and original, and less hell-bent on getting as many as possible to Level 4 in Y6. Hindsight is a fine thing, but I don't think I'd let it go for that long if I was in the same situation again. It's not just about G&T, or doing extra work at home, it's more about making sure the child is in an environment where he/she feels understood and valued. If the child's interests and abilities are massively out of synch with what the school is able or willing to provide, then that is likely to cause problems.

oh and none of them do any out of school activities (I assume tumbletots doesn't count). out of school I like them to play with their siblings or spend some time with me and dh. although I can see if I only had one of him I might manage to drag him to football or something.

(oh - he does do judo in school time. and my dd1 does cello and riding at school as well.)

What is it with worksheets? I used worksheets when I was ill and therefore not at school to teach the lesson. They are dull and unimaginative and surely anyone with a bright child would want to encourage them to think creatively, rather than churning out the same old same old?

I completely agree frogs. DS is in a class of 9, with a teacher that teaches them all at whatever level is appropriate for them.

If he was in a year 1 class of 30, being forced to read bloody biff and kipper at the rate of a book a week he'd probably have an asbo by now

A bit emphatic perhaps.

But I don't like worksheets...

Sadly clever children don't always have clever parents!

worksheets are entirely about parents wanting to see their children perform like seals

IMO

although I can see they have uses on long, transatlantic flights when the film is finished, lunch is done, and 4 hours still stretch in front of you

do you think so greensleeves?

where does the cleverness come from then? I bet clever children do usually have clever parents, but they might not always have educated ones.

Certainly I assume all my children will be clever, since dh and I are. Seems to be working so far.

pph "...should always answer all of their questions truthfully " I agree with that. Lies and halftruths teach kids not to be curious I think. "I don't know" is also a good answer sometimes if it's the truth I am never afraid to admit my ignorance and to help them find the answer if I can.

I think clever children sometimes are born to very dim parents - I'm sure I've met some - although it's not as common as whole families of clever people. You do get very clever parents having children who aren't particularly bright too. Perhaps they had a clever/dim grandparent or ancestor?

obviously my clever DD gets it from me

yes I HATE it when a child asks a parent an interesting question and they come out with complete crap in response....

hmmm that's interesting.
I don't think I've ever met a clever child with dim parents. With one dim parent, maybe, but not two... pph totters off to muse upon the children of some spectacularly dim childhood friends of dh's

Pph, I think it can be done in a Y1 class of 30, though obviously not as easily as in a class of 9. Then again, a bouncy child might prefer the buzz of being in a bigger class.

But the crucial thing is that the teacher is prepared to think creatively and that the school's management encourage and support this approach. DS's Y3 class has a separate box of fat paperbacks for the really fluent readers, so that they can change them at will rather than once a week. The really able mathematicians (not Ds!) are given stopwatches so they can time themselves. The teacher sets little mini-projecty homeworks for children who find the gap-fill business snoresome. It can be done, but it requires the vision and the dedication, which are sometimes in short supply in schools, it seems to me.

I agree on the teacher thinking about it creatively. DD1 is in a class of 30 or so, and half of them are Y1 and half are reception age. Her teacher clearly thinks about each child and their educational needs - at parents' evening he suggested a few things we could be doing with her at home to get her along a bit (even) further.

I have to say that at least one of DP's siblings is not IMO the sharpest tool in the box whereas I think both his parents were pretty bright.

I worry more that mine have a good attitude to failure as well as doing well/winning - I've seen so many children/friends who were very bright at school fall apart when suddenly in a class where they may not be the brightest/most able.

Doesn't the law of diminishing returns mean that 2 very clever parents usually don't have very clever children? [stirring emoticon]

I very much agree with bink's no squashing rule and think this can be a real problem sometimes, as frogs' daughter's and marina's experiences show. Empathy failure on the part of adults towards children is absolutely disasterous, imo.

Also agree with soapbox and mi that cooking is important!