State vs Private...Head vs Heart - Help!

[OakCat]

Need someone to talk some sense into me.

One DD just got our first choice primary school so should be very happy and grateful, except I’m not.
As we were not sure if we’d get into a school as the area is so oversubscribed we went to look at a private school and have secured a place.

I just can’t shake the feeling that that we should be sending DD there. It’s a smallish mixed school until secondary where it then goes exclusively to girls until sixth form.

I have written a list of advantages and disadvantages:-

Advantages

-Small class sizes (DD has sensitive hearing so struggles in noisy environments)
-Access to wide ranging activities – I want her to find a passion in life. Massive emphasis on sport and music, both which is a current interest but appreciate this could change as only 4!
-More school trips so will help her gain independence and love of travel.
-More likely to have lifelong friends if stays until 18 (very important as she is an only child and cousins much older)

Disadvantages

-We could afford the school fees but it would mean making things a little tight at home, would need to go back up to full-time work in a couple of years to keep up with fees but it is doable (I just see it that she is getting some of her inheritance now)
-Might need to move house as school is 40 minutes away and too young to take school bus until age 7/8.
-After school club finishes at 5.30 so makes it very tight to pick up in the evening.

Both DH and I went to state schools and did ok, my big overall sadness is the lack of exposure to different activities. Plus all the children I have know who went to private schools just seem to have this extra passion for learning. I’m not really that worried about academics, of course I want her to reach her potential but I want her to find the things she good at (academic, sport or other) and the private school just seems to increase the chances of her doing that.

Please talk some sense into me as it’s been driving me crazy for months and I clearly just need to do the obvious thing and be happy for the first choice state school…but my heart is saying something different.

sparkly unicorn - nice name - sorry I'm hopeless at names anyway so you haven't 'outed' yourself - if you got into youth parliament, particularly from a point of disadvantage, then you are probably the amazing one! I'm very proud of all my children and this daughter has done well but so have many of her peers thanks to an excellent state education that supported and encouraged extracurricular learning.

You need to add probably half again to the published school fees for extras; uniform, extra curricular activities, trips etc. We also do activities outside school.

We didn't apply for a state school place in the end as we had already made our decision.

Dd1 has had homework in the form of reading, phonics and maths since week two of reception. I am fortunate to be able to be around to help with these every evening I also feel very engaged with her education because of it.

Dd1 has a friend at her school who lives a 30 minute drive away from the school. It is too far, they are constantly in the car driving backwards and forwards.

Good to consider all the options but only you know what would suit your daughter best.

You need to add probably half again to the published school fees for extras; uniform, extra curricular activities, trips etc.

That is not at all true of DSs' school.

can't really help you, but understand your dilemma completely. "luckily" DS got a place at one of the worst schools in the area (all the ones clise to us are oversubscribed), so the decision is easier for us (and the private school is literally next door).

I'd pick option C

State school at first then look at it again later on with the view that you might change her to private when she is older or when there is a need.

I would go state for primary if it is good and look at private for secondary when some of your cons will have gone. i.e bus travel.
I think it's more important to find the best secondary you can and that might mean going private.
You'll also be able to choose a school that meets her needs then, rather than now when she might not keep up activities she starts.
Mine is private secondary and as our secondaries are dire round here, I know we made the right decision.

Mine both go to private school - 1 in prep, 1 in senior.
The reason they are there is due to dire local state options and the fact that there are no extra curricular activities in our rural area bar football & swimming.

We can afford the fees but we have had to limit luxuries.
The fees are hard work - it is a burden. I wouldn't change where they are but wish we had a viable alternative.