My DS YR1 is "slow"?

[Babelange]

Bit of a shock speaking to DS's teacher at parent consultation evening... Seems that DS1 (nearly 6) who is quiet and bidable isn't keeping up with the rest of the class. Specifically she noted that his handwriting isn't up to scratch and his numeracy is behind. His reading is broadly where it should be - we read to him every day - since he was 12 weeks old! He's been put on a Education Learning Scheme (since Jan) where the school identify children (6 in his class) who could benefit from extra group time - I didn't appreciate what this meant until last night as I had the usual impersonal photocopied sheet "your child has been selected..." and it wasn't in an envelope so after I read it, I binned it!
When I had the chance to look at his work books last night I could see how he was struggling. And now I am feeling a bit teary as he had drawn the most beautiful little owls for a project - all my friends remark on the lovely pictures he draws which we proudly display on the fridge... I am feeling so sad that a child who tells me that certain clouds in the sky look like they are in a painting will end up being marooned at the bottom of the class???
He looks forward to going to school - so no problems getting there. When I asked him, he told me that he doesn't like the extra group time I mentioned AND dislikes having to compete with the other children to get their PE kit on "first".
I thought I'd write a letter to the teacher along the lines of ... this is what I understood last night. Should we consider external tuition? Reading the Kumon threads I don't think this is for us. Has anyone engaged an educational psychologist to help them find out the best learning strategies for their child, even when they have no obvious learning or behavioural difficulties?

God I hate schools sometimes
He is 6, plenty of plenmty of plenty of children are only just learnging to form letters at that stage

His reading is coming on well, he is drawing and enjoying it - that tells you he has no real pencil control issues.

He is just taking his natural time
6 kids out of what 28-30 - that tells you something in itself

speak to the teacher try to get a better idea of what they expect and how best to encourage - ENCOURAGE not force your darling ds to progress his writing.

I am really gutted on your behalf.

Thanks Piffle. Usually I'm a half full glass kind of person but feel floored by this. Makes us seem as though we are not making an effort and encouraging him... Was thinking of introducing a material incentive to help with motivation and to speed him up at least in his mind - to get a taste for the feeling of achievement (whether or not anyone at school notices) - "did you try hard today" = 1 star. But this seems like wonky thing to me... And doesn't sound sustainable, more like blackmail/bribery.
Someone just mentioned to me c.£300 for an educational assessment.

I agree with Piffle. Schools seem to be in a race themselves to improve/maintain their position in league tables and our poor kids are the unwitting victims of this. All kids struggle with diff things at diff times. (Like your DS, my DD is good at drawing - and when she tells me that she struggles with numeracy sometimes, I just remind her that she's very lucky as she has a real talent for something).

Did the teacher ask you to do anything extra with him?

Babelange

I was were you are with dd1 a year or two ago.

I was very upset that dreamy, imaginative dd1 (also very observant, also brilliant at drawing) was bottom in her class at the more 'academic' subjects. She ALSO hated getting ready for PE and having to do things quickly.

She was 7 in December, and since January she has been having an hour of private tuition once a week. This is something I bowed to very reluctantly as I didn't want to pressure her. She has come on really really well and the change in her confidence has been phenomenal. She is still one of the most 'behind' in reading in her year (I think it is a very academic year) but is SO much better. Her private tutor specialises in dyslexic/dyspraxic children and says dd1 does exhibit some traits of dyslexia/dyspraxia BUT these could also be due to severe lack of confidence. Anyway, private tuition has worked for us but I do trust this lovely woman, and dd1 really loves going to see her, which helps.

well play some writing games with him at home and find some fun ways for him to practise - maybe writing name labels for the table etc.

And numeracy at this stage is pretty much getting a grasp of things like relative sizes, weighing things is good - do some cooking with him. Play games with him that use a dice and count round a board. Play games where you add on and take away. Count things as you drive or walk around. Make it fun and boost his confidence.

I think a lot of things at this age are just practise to boost confidence and understanding.

this might help give you ideas

babelange, huge empathy with you. My ds is struggling with his writing in his class despite the reading coming on slowly and the numeracy coming along too.
I feel the school is so geared to reading and writing that his other skills (very good verbal skills, and very confident speaker/performer) are not given a place to shine! As your ds is obviously imaginative, expressive and excellent at drawing.
Loads of people have said to me that literacy skills come more slowly to some then to others, a bit like when their teeth fall out.
I think boosting is hugely important and if you found the right tutor (like Enid did) the increase in confidence might be all it takes.
this week's spelling test has gone much better because we tried loads of different playful games with his list of words - he did much better this week.
I think he picks up my anxiety hugely - however much I try to hide it - I can't help it, I'm really worried that he won't do well! My friends whose kids are thriving just can't help but show off - and I find it really hard when they do - I can't blame them though for being proud.
But I think that confidence and fun and being calm are the keys.

Also, there is much talk in primary schools at the moment about SEAL
Social and
Emotional
Aspects of
Learning

This as you know means your ds needs to feel good about himself to thrive. What are they doing towards this? Are his strengths getting the praise they need to get?

So you're fully entitiled to go to see the teacher to look at her suggestions around this. I know he has ESL lessons but is that boosting his confidence? The more supportive you are of the school (in my experience) the more they'll go the extra mile!

Keep talking to them if you can and ask the teacher if she minds you writing to the head and asking the head about extra coaching while acknowledging the great work of the teacher.
Once the teacher doesn't feel defensive and says go ahead - then you can see the head and talk fully about the whole picture. It worked for me when my ds was getting bullied last term!
Sorry this is so long!

Another thing to remember is that learning is not a constant upward curve - it often goes in fits and starts. My ds is also in year 1 and up until the end of the last term could hardly read at all. He has since shot through 5 reading levels in three weeks! Last term, when he could be persuaded to write at all (he's a very footbally, physical sort of boy)it was like a stream of barely comprehensible scribble, with no spaces between the word. Now he is writing at home for fun (still largely incomprehensible, but with spaces and he is enyoying doing it. I think teachers sometimes worry too much about fitting children into boxes and putting them through hoops (nice mixed metaphor there!) - don't worry about it, he'll get there!

I agree with piffle too

I feel with the school tbh

My ds was similar (except he was behind with literacy rather than numeracy). He caught up in his own good time and we never made a big deal of it at home.

Tbh I would not be inclined to buy into the school ethos by making him do extra numeracy work at home. People learn different things at different rates. If he is 'behind' in some areas at the moment it means nothing in terms of his overall intelligence, ability or prospects for the future.

I agree Molesworth

Babelange
Slow down and take a minute. your ds sound entirely normal and would not stand out in the average year 1 class. Just like walking and talking, kids put the jigsaw pieces of learning together at different times and in different orders - that's what makes them unique. ELS is a support programme which often benefits children in their early reading and writing. It is usually a lovely group time for the kids that they really treasure. In some schools it is easy to see who would benefit; in others it is trickier. If I could I would offer it to EVERY child in my year 1 class as I think it would enhance the learning of each child. Just because your child has been selected, it doesn't mean that they are really struggling. Without broing you with the politics of schools, performance management and deployment of TAs I can't easily explain the role ELS can be used to fulfil in a school. Emphasise the positives of small group time and be clear that you have a bright and capable child who has been offered the chance to be taught in a small group becuase they see the scope for real achievement. I look forward to hearing of his successes soon.

agree with robinpud about small group time. It helped dd1 no end and in fact she missed it when it stopped.

also broadly agree that children develop at different rates BUT if a child's confidence starts falling because they cannot understand why they are so behind then I think extra tuition does no harm as long as teh child is happy to do it.

I agree with robinpud - they have a group of this nautre at my dses school

I teach year 1 and lots of parents want to know where there child is in the class and if they do need extra support they want to know what we are doing about it!

We do extra work (we follow ELS). Most of my children in this group are summer birthdays and so I suspect they will catch up. But early interventions programs do work - I can help these children catch up with the others.

don't consider external tution until you have talked again to his teacher. What does she suggest. e.g. recapping his sounds and tricky words, writing a dairy, etc - make it FUN!!!!

I don't tell my dds school about her extra tuition

I know it would piss them off

that is good advice cazzy - but fwiw, it's hard to make something fun as a parent when you're anxious as hell! I've found it incredibly difficult to make it fun but I know that it should be possible!

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yes I find it impossible to make things 'fun'

teh tutor does that for me

these early intervention schemes are good I think - a few of dd's friends go to them (she's in yr2 now) and I know they've helped the boys with confidence a lot.

I think handwriting is a difficult one - if his fine motor skills aren't quite there yet, there really isn't a lot you can do other than encourage those skills (so things like building with small lego, cutting, craft activities, drawing in sand etc. etc.).

I've said it here before but dd's writing is still very poor but the school has always told us that as her reading was fine, they felt she wouldn't respond to extra pressure (and it was clear that it was a motor skill issue - she too found it hard getting changed, doing up buttons, eating with a knife and fork).

Some kids just develop these skills later than others. I think it's great that he's happy at school. Have a word with his teacher and see what she says - it may be that he is just in a very bright class and also, the teacher may want to give the ELS a bit more time to work iyswim.

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oh no harman, don't feel useless.

I only got this insight because we have a lovely special needs teacher (specialising in dyslexia) on our street - she had the kids round one afternoon last year and she asked me how dd was doing at school. She's a very good reader (dd) but found it virtually impossible to write. She then prompted questions about things like getting dressed, doing up shoes etc. and it was like a light being turned on in my head!

She said as her development in every other way was completely normal, she just felt that those skills were a little bit behind and it makes sense because both dh and I were VERY clumsy as children and dh has/had appalling writing!

She then told us about the craft activities, lego etc. It all hit home for me when all her little friends after school used to love making necklaces and bracelets and dd just COULD NOT thread beads on a string!!

She is definitely improving over time - she's in year 2 now and her letters are starting to be formed regularly although she still doesn't leave a space between words and her letters are not quite a regular size but I guess she'll get there in the end!

Don't feel useless - what emotional problems does your ds suffer from? Maybe it's worth having someone look at him 'as a whole' especially if it gave you an insight and possibly helped you to help him iyswim.

I had a similar-ish experience at ds's parent's evening. His teacher told me she didn't "understand how his mind works". He is above average in reading and numeracy, but he is disorganised, literal to a level that clearly drives her bonkers and his handwriting is beyond awful. All these things are true. I know they are. But I think to an extent they always will be, because they are all true of my dh as well. SHe also said that he is always the last to get himself sorted, and that caused problems in "keeping to schedule". He is only 5.7. I felt so awful I was alomst in tears. I can't even think of the good things she said now. So although I have no helpful advice, I do understand how you are feeling.

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how old are all your kids harman? Was it you with the child who had difficulty settling into reception?

tbh (if it was you), your school doesn't sound massively supportive.

I read your other thread at the time (the dunkeydorey one) but didn't respond although I have a 5yr old ds who is incredibly oversensitive and cries a lot (often out of frustration).

Do you think your boy is still getting picked on at school? I really don't think it helps calling a child 'lazy' (the school/teachers that is) - I think that's uncalled for at this age, I really do. Teenagers are lazy, 5, 6, 7 year olds - well that's a different story.