Just so upset with my 8yo DD

[dfghj]

My daughters are generally very nice kids - polite well spoken and doing well at school...

Tonight i am just devastated to hear from the 8yo that as part of a circle time ddiscussion about bad language she confided in the teacher that "mummy shouts fu*king hell when she's angry".
This is total nonsense. The worst I've ever said is bloody hell and that's usually under my breath and in extreme situations. I also never really get stressed with homework as they manage it fine and I'm not some mad alpha parent!
The thought that a) my daughter has said that at school and b) the teacher will never think of me in the same light has left me horrified.
It is a small private school and I'm a regular volunteer. I feel I can't show my face ever again.
My daughter had no explanation for why she said it and is very upset.
I can't see a way back from it. 😥😥😥

She's 8. She goes to school. She will have heard those words in the school playground however "naice" her school is.

DS1 told his class that I work in the kitchen and don't really go into other rooms in the house because I just cook and clean all day and I don't have a real job. His headteacher who knows that I have a very stressful FT job running my own business - nothing to do with cooking - thought it was hilarious. DS1 knew full well what I do. They just say these things sometimes.

DS2 told his teacher that "mummy drinks a LOT of gin". Mummy actually has a G&T maybe once or twice a week. I'm pretty sure the teachers aren't whispering about my appalling drinking habit behind my back.

No wonder you have nice compliant children if you come down on them like a tonne of bricks for something that whilst not ideal, is really not a big deal either. For some reason, she was put on the spot, and like lots of us, blurted out something that was a slight exaggeration. A stern word is all that is required, I'm sure she's sorry.

All this losing pocket money for a week, Ground Zero and ongoing crossness shows that whilst you are careful not to swear, you have a lot of anger especially about being 'shown up' in public. She's a child, she made a mistake, now you are making a parenting mistake but can't seem to stop in your righteous anger.

I agree with everyone that once parenting teenagers, coming down like a tonne of bricks will either lead to subdued teens or defiance. It isn't encouraging a relationship where you can talk, and sometimes people make mistakes.

Oh god get over it 😳

It sounds like she was showing off in front of the other children. Another child probably told her the words. She is 8 and children make mistakes. DDs best friend is always making up random stories and saying stuff that's not true - we now know and take everything she says with a pinch of salt! I am sure she'll grow out of it.
I would be annoyed but I would have a word with her about lying, let her know it made me upset, and then let it go and move on.
Children have to know they can make mistakes and you will still support them - the most important thing is not to make the same mistake again.
Also maybe have a good think about why you are so angry.

Good grief, calm down

My son came out of primary school once having lovingly made and decorated a jar for me. All the other children had done the same and pesented their "flower vases" or "money boxes" their parents, DS came out grinning saying "mummy I made you a swear jar, so you can put money in every time you swear. In front of all the other parents!!

He also once told the teacher that I had hit him in the face . To be fair he had been walking behind me on the way to school and I had turned round, without realising how close he was and my hand made contact with his face (he was quite short at the time) . It was obviously completely by accident and I was very very apologetic but in a literal sense I had whacked him in the face.

The teachers may well have been a bit shocked by the swear jar or the comment about being hit but I think they are used to hearing all sorts of things from the children and in the end they didn't call SS so I assume they took it all with a pinch of salt

Maybe a quiet word about how it is not appropriate to say this sort of thing but I do think a big punishment and making a big thing of it is over the top really

Bumbling, the swear jar and hit on his face was hillarious!

Surely the natural thing would be to get your DD to 'put right' the lie?
i.e. To tell the teacher that she lied and why?
(Though of course whether the teacher will believe her is another matter)

I can understand why you might feel slightly mortified, even if you are one of those rare mothers who never swears or raises her voice.

But 8yos are keen to get a reaction and seem 'cool', and she probably acted in the heat of the moment. Kids that age are just fascinated by any kind of swearing, I find. Even if they don't hear it from you they'll hear it from others. Chances are she's heard it in the playground. The privately educated girls who live next door to us swear like troopers, they just do it in very posh voices.

My hunch from your op is that you expect your daughters to be perfect little girls in their perfect little school...please don't over pressurise or overreact too much or you'll cause massive self esteem issues.

My dc told the teacher 'mummy dresses up in outfits for daddy' . I really really don't.. ...

At my first year of secondary school, my 11 year old friend told me her mum, after the bath, comes into the lounge naked and dances around when thethey watch Top of the Pops.

Brace yourself OP. She is going to embarrass you far more than that & you wont know about it.