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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Whats the general rule for reception kids when releasing them at home time? Bit cross with ds's teacher..........

74 replies

northerner · 19/02/2007 15:57

I have a few issues with her anyway, but I was a few minutes late at pick up time today.

School kicks out at 3.15, I arrived at 3.18pm.

DS was in the main playground wandering around looking for me. I went to his teacher and mentioned she had released him and I wasn't there. She said 'Northerners ds, that was another bad choice wasn't it? If you can't see you're mummy you stay in the gate'

I was Surely this is her 'bad choice' not a 4 yaer olds.

So why oh why did I not say anything to her?

OP posts:

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oliveoil · 20/02/2007 15:08

6pm?????

wotzsaname · 20/02/2007 15:10

just putting on my fleece/shapeless jeans/comfy shoes and stopping work to get my children

twinklingstar · 20/02/2007 15:27

Glad to say that dd's school have the one-by-one release from the school door - teacher/ta doesn't let the child out the door until she sees the parent/carer and acknowledges them ('there's granny, Donna'..etc) That goes for up to Y2.

Trouble with releasing children who THINK they have seen whoever is collecting them is they can be mistaken and be wandering around unaccompanied because another adult has the same colour coat as they were expecting their parent to be wearing or something!

I'm almost always early or on time but occasionally things do happen, mostly likely being that a delivery van is blocking our single track lane and I'm stuck . Sometimes the vital minutes are lost like that. School would keep any child not yet collected at school and would try to contact parents by phone if there was an unexpected delay in their arrival.

Re the 'bad choices' comment - sounds like teacher could see that this should not have happened but didn't want to lose face. Thankfully it didn't lead to any awful ending like your ds following some others out onto the road (doesn't bear thinking about.) But with ds at 4 years old, I would most certainly be holding her accountable and think you did the wisest thing in bringing it to the head's attention. Don't let this teacher make you feel small, Northerner. Look her straight in the eye and know you are in the right here, and possibly have avoided a future tragedy in making them review policy at school Good for you!

Original poster

northerner · 20/02/2007 15:28

Olive whilst you're on to SS tell them he's having pancakes with nutells for his dinner

OP posts:

frances5 · 20/02/2007 17:34

I don't think a four year old should be released into the playground. However it depends on the policy of the school.

Ultimately Northener's dear son was not hurt. Is really worth falling out and upsetting the reception teacher going to the head. There is fault on both sides
Is it really worth damaging your relationship with the school? The school is likely to side with the teacher. Isn't it just simpler to not be late in future?

I have an excellent relationship with my son's reception teacher. It is built on mutual respect. If you get on well with a teacher it is easier to get them to go the extra mile. They are also more likely to treat you as an adult if you treat them with respect.

I have never been late picking up my son son. Thankfully I live and work close to the school.

twinklingstar · 20/02/2007 17:54

No matter how hard we try, there is bound to come the day when we are late to pick up.

Northerner didn't explain what delayed her.

"DS was in the main playground wandering around looking for me. I went to his teacher and mentioned she had released him and I wasn't there. She said 'Northerners ds, that was another bad choice wasn't it? If you can't see you're mummy you stay in the gate'"

The teacher made a bad choice. And then trying to blame the four year old she was supposedly in charge of, doesn't put her in the best of lights!

HE'S ONLY FOUR!

wheresthehamster · 20/02/2007 19:39

I know this isn't the point of the thread but I don't feel very comfortable with the words 'bad choice'. It just sounds sinister to me.

Even 'wrong choice' sounds better; 'not the right choice' sounds even better than that.

Does the teacher praise your DS on his 'good choices'? Maybe then it doesn't sound as bad as I think it does.

Original poster

northerner · 20/02/2007 22:06

'Ultimately Northener's dear son was not hurt. Is really worth falling out and upsetting the reception teacher going to the head. There is fault on both sides
Is it really worth damaging your relationship with the school? The school is likely to side with the teacher. Isn't it just simpler to not be late in future?'

Frances - Yes, ultimatley my ds came to harm, thank god. It is simpler to just not be late for pick up again, but as we know, life is never simple. I hope not to be late again, but what about other parents? They could be late. And I want to know if I or indeed another parent is running a few minutes late they can do so safe in the knowledge that their child is safe until they can get there.

So is it worth upsettimg the teacher over this? The simple answer is, when it comes to the safety and wellbeing of achild yes.

OP posts:

MrsGoranVisnjic · 21/02/2007 11:35

I had the absolute reverse happen yesterday was picking up DS and 2 of his friends from school, I have 3 yr old DD too

SO I get friend 1 from year 2 class no problem, get DS then mosey over to reception to get friend 2 (younger sibling of friend 1) .. and the stupid teacher

didn't have all the children ready
was deep in conversation with a mother and there was a line of people waiting to pick up
refused to let me take child before she heard from office

now normally I'd think good safety BUT I have picked him up a lot before, I was standing there with his older brother, DD was up a climbing frame and DS was in tears .. I'm even a flamin' school governor fgs .. GIVE ME THE CHILD NOW

(she was in the right of course, but her process of releasing children at the end of the day is just inappropriately long)

throckenholt · 21/02/2007 12:04

another bad choice is the bit that would really annoy me (for the other bit I would say - I am sorry I was late - but can you keep him close if it ever happens again - he is too young to be streetwise yet).

The another bit and your other comments about his wrong choices don't really point positive reinforcement. I would maybe ask if they can say - hmm - your good choices today were ......, and you only bad choice was ...... (if they have to mention the bad bit at all).

frances5 · 22/02/2007 10:12

SO I get friend 1 from year 2 class no problem, get DS then mosey over to reception to get friend 2 (younger sibling of friend 1) .. and the stupid teacher

didn't have all the children ready
was deep in conversation with a mother and there was a line of people waiting to pick up
refused to let me take child before she heard from office

Teachers are dammed if they do and dammed if they don't.

MrsGoranVisnjic I can sympathize with your position. At my son's school you have to make an appointment if you want to speak to a teacher.

sandyballs · 22/02/2007 14:00

Teacher is completely in the wrong I feel. At my DD's school the whole of KS1 is not allowed out until a parent/carer is seen by the teacher to be waiting for their child (reception, yrs 1 and 2).

ValnBen · 02/03/2007 14:16

Hi Northerner ? Hope you don?t mind my resurrecting this thread to continue the convo from the other thread ? don?t want to get trounced for hi-jacking the other one

Re parents eve ? Yes I would tell her to quit the ?bad choice? rubbish in no uncertain tones!!.
And make sure you point out to her that 5 year olds do not make bad choices unless they are given bad guidance?.give it back to her.

( I didn?t post on this when it first appear because I was so incensed I couldn?t even begin to put what I was feeling in to words )

ValnBen · 02/03/2007 14:29

She (the teacher) made the bad choice by letting him leave the class room without checking that his parent was outside waiting for him.
All your DS did was what he normally does at home time when he?s allowed to leave the classroom ? look for you?he didn?t know you wouldn?t be there. How could he. He expected you to be there because the teacher allowed him to leave ? end of!!
GGGGRRRRRR!! Can you tell how much this annoys me

OrmIrian · 02/03/2007 14:34

Mistakes happen - the teacher let the child go without adequate checking. Shouldn't have happened but it did. Child was still in playground so no harm done this time. Hopefully the teacher won't do that again.

However I think the big problem is with the 'bad choice' thing - horrible way to talk about a child. I think you've posted about her attitude to your DS before Northener and I think it stinks. That's the issue IMO rather than the going home thing.

ValnBen · 02/03/2007 14:50

Absolutely agree OrmIrian, but the most worrying part of this is that the teacher doesn?t appear to think she played any part in Northerners DS? ?bad choice?. She just pounced on him about it when in fact no choice, good or bad, was involved.
He simply did what he always does at the end of the day and most likely didn?t return back to the class as soon as he realised his mummy wasn?t there due to bewilderment rather than ANOTHER bad choice?.
Agree again, this manor of control/discipline or what ever the hell it is, is a despicable way to speak to a child.

twelveyeargap · 02/03/2007 14:59

Using the term "bad choice" makes me want to barf. How ridiculously PC.

I think the norm is for teachers not to release kids - I would let it go if it was a one off mistake by the teacher.

Teacher telling a 4 year old they have made "bad choices" sounds very odd. Am I out of touch with the primary school system?

mousiemousie · 02/03/2007 15:02

Agree with last 2 posts. The teacher made a mistake, maybe it is easy not to notice a child sneak out at this busy time of day but this was not your ds's fault. Whether or not I felt this was a big deal would probably depend on what I already thought about the teacher.

Booboobedoo · 02/03/2007 15:11

I teach children between 3 and 16, and none of the kids are allowed to leave without my having seen their parents unless they're in their teens and I've had pre-written permission from the parents (I run an after school club).

It's true that the 'unpaid babysitting' side of things can get wearing when certain parents are consistently late, but a parent being a couple of minutes late once or twice... well... they're only human!

I see it as part of the job. A teacher is in loco parentis, and should maintain responsibility for the child until they can safely hand them over to someone else, especially a 4yo fgs.

stargazeypie · 04/03/2007 09:03

The teacher's comment to the child is totally out of order - and pointless too. However, I DON'T think it's the teachers responsibility re: the latenesss. I am a teacher (NOT reception but I have friends who are). This teacher has probably been working flat out since 8 am, probably not even had a proper lunch break, and is no doubt going to be in her classroom clearing up, preparing etc until at least 5 pm. She may also have scheduled meetings to attend. To expect her to watch up to 30 children, amongst all the other classes also pouring out at the end of the day,and to notice who is being picked up by whom etc is not reasonable.

nally · 04/03/2007 09:27

usually dd1's teacher is good and won't let the littl'uns out without them seeing their parent/carer first. once dd1's friend was halfway out of the gate when her mother arrived and told her off (not the teacher) for leaving the classroom before she got there.. friday just gone when i turned up to colect dd1, my friend shouted "she's over there" pointing to dd1 weaving in and out of mummies, buggies, other dc, looking for me and ds and dd2. was not pleased. apparently dd1's teacher told dd1 to go and see if i was there. not sure if that is ok or not, as she was still in sight of her teacher...and is not daft enough to run off.

marmiteontoast · 04/03/2007 09:38

Sorry, haven't read all posts, but...

When I taught R, Y1 and Y2, I always made sure each child went to the right person, one at a time. I remember that once, I couldn't recall a particular child leaving at all, so I drove round to her house! Of course, she was safely there, but I couldn't sleep at night if I thought I'd made such a mistake.

emsiewill · 04/03/2007 10:52

I recently went with my sister to collect my niece from school. She goes to the primary school that my siblings and I and used to attend.

I commented to my dsis on the amazing difference between the end of day procedure now and when we were there. Now all children are let out class by class, into the playground and as far as I could see, the teacher only released a child when they saw the correct person was there. I know that they have a list of who is allowed to collect the child (hence why I couldn't go without my dsis).

When we were there, parents had to wait on the pavement at the front of the school - and that was if parents bothered to come at all! I certainly remember getting the bus with my brother when I was still in the infants (and he is younger than me) and my mum meeting us off the bus.

At the time, that was the norm. As a parent now, I am much happier with the procedures that most schools have in place.

Sorry if this is a little irrelevant, just set me off down memory lane...

Original poster

northerner · 05/03/2007 20:47

Thanks valnben and everyone else.

The whole school does the good choice/bad choice thing. Apparantly it's to make the kids realise they have control over their actions blah blah blah.

Tbh I am not 100% happy with his teachers attitude. I do not think she should be teaching reception kids. She is intimidating, loud and from what I can gather a bit of a bully.

I spoke to the head about this particular sitaution and he had a word with her.

I am watching her though.....

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