Moving out of private school for financial reasons - please tell me.it will be OK

[Curtainring]

We've been on the waiting list and a place has finally come up for.my year 2 dd in our local primary school.

Dd is currently.at a private school and.seems really happy with friends etc.
I think I'd buried my head I'm the sand and thought we'd never get a place but now.we have we've reassessed our finances and realistically we need to move her.

Ds will be starting in 2018 and unless I go back to work.full time.we simply can't afford two. We're assuming ds will have to go private as we're in a black hole for school places. We haven't been on holiday for 3 years so the private fees hurt!!

Problem is I feel so guilty and i've actually been crying at the thought of moving her. She's really confident etc amd has a really nice.group of.friends. She's.doing OK academically and I'm so.worried about her going into a bigger class.

So I guess my.question is has anyone else done it and if so please tell me it was OK or should i just suck.it up and work.full time to.keep.her there. This obviously impacts on my time.with the children and not what I really want to do. Dh works really long hours (and unfortunately no real flexibility) I work locally so the brunt of running the house organising children aswell as working will fall on me.

I'm having sleepless nights worrying about it!

What are you worrying about?

That in a class of 30 she won't be able to make friends?

Or that a bright confident girl will refuse to work?

Or that you having more money will affect her negatively?

Or that having local friends will be bad for her?

How "awful" would working full time be?

Imagine in your head that youve made a final decision to keep her there and work full time.

Now scrap that and imagine you've made a FINAL decision to move her.

Which feels worse? Try and really believe the decisions.

I'd feel like you and wouldn't want to move her but depends how much you'd hate to work full time (lots of people do including your DH)

What is the state school like good or bad?

She will be fine - do it. If she is already at the school your DS will likely get a place there for reception too and your quality of life as a family will be so much better. You are not leaving the area and any close friends can be kept through play dates etc - be brave, she will be fine

Fwiw I went to three different schools before I was 8 (some private some not) and it was fine (army child)

Am probably misreading, but you're not planning to put your ds in private after you've moved your ds? Personally I wouldn't do that.

She will be fine, the earlier you do it the better. And once she's in, your DS will stand a better chance of a place, assuming they have a sibling policy.

It's not worth working full time when they are so little just to finance school fees.

Sorry, moved your dd

Have you visited the local primary? Met the teachers? Met the Head? Many many state primaries are lovely places where children thrive, make great friends, don't massively suffer (have you seen the research which says that class size is not in fact the determinant of success as parents seem to think it is? According to education research, there are many other factors which are more important).

I also went to three different primary schools and didn't even question it at the time (moved house three times during my primary years). And seemed to fit in each fine!

Why do you think your DS would still have to go private? Wouldn't he be very likely to get in to your DD's state school on the sibling rule?

I mean "don't massively suffer from the larger class sizes than in the private sector"

What's the problem with state primaries as there are some really really good ones. You can always get a tutor in if you need to fill in gaps! Over 90% or more (can't remember exactly ) children are state educated and vast majority turn out equipped for senior schools! Kids are very adaptable and make new friends easily. It's the adults that find change harder to cope with. You will be fine! !

Sorry can I just clarify, your planning on moving your DD to state, but then sending your Ds private?

I liked the suggestion of really running through and believing your life in both scenarios and seeing how you feel. My ds is private and most people there work full time. If I had good local states though I wouldn't be worrying about moving him, he is bright and social (like your daughter!) And would do well anywhere (touches wood furiously!)

I don't think you can take DD out so you can afford to send DS. That way future sibling hatred lies.

Once she's in the local school he ought to get in easily in future as a sibling?

My two moved from private to state when we moved cross country - took a while to form solid friendships but the education is good and all their friends live in our village rather than being driven from miles away.

The only major difference is the extra curriculars - they don't do drama, dance, Latin(!) every week so we top up with after school clubs for loads of sports (not for the Latin!) and a performing arts weekend thing.

How old is your ds? If he isn't starting in reception next teacher you won't have missed the deadline for school applications yet so if you move your dd to the state school now now you will get sibling priority for your ds when the time comes and you should get a place.
If you are really struggling with one set of fees then realistically you aren't going to manage 2 sets of fees so it makes sense to put them both into the state school ASAP.
You say that your ds is bright and confident so she will likely do just fine at any state school. Being in a bigger class gives the opportunity to make friends with people you actually connect with rather than having to settle for friendships with the most compatible from a very small group.
I have had children in both sectors and on your position I would go state and work part time and enjoy my children whilst they are little.

Yes I didn't think about the sibling rule so that would solve a huge headache in terms of ds.

I have looked round the school the headmistress seemed very nice. Its got an outstanding ofsted and the children seemed very happy. (why am I worrying????)

I already work part time and part of me thinks oh it'll be fine working full.time but I'm not sure.the reality of morning stress and covering holidays will be and if we lose the place it's gone and.we're committing to another £52k to spend out plus ds.

Dh thinks I'm.being ridiculous even considering not moving her. I suppose it's the guilt- dd is the only one having to move.
Dh says he's fed up.with working hard and feeling like we can't have any fun.

Sorry I'm.probably not being very clear. Infant school.catchments are tiny where we live. Dd went private as.we had to and we've assumed the same.for ds amd I would have to work full time (no choice) Now I have a get out and I hadn't even thought about the sibling priority which solves.2 problems!!

Move DD today.

Then DS will (probably) get in in the sibling rule.

Then your life will be so much better. Everyone in the family will benefit so much from the extra money.

Financial worries cause so much stress - which is really damaging.

I think the reason you can't see the wood for the trees is because you're under so much stress. Once they start at their new school the stress will go and your thinking will change.

The research on class sizes is that 24 is the optimum plus or minus 6. So anything from 18-30. Less than 18 pupils is just as bad (according to Malcolm gladwells research) as more than 30.

Move her! You've 11 more years of schooling for her to play for otherwise. And 14 for your DS!

She'll be absolutely fine, and your family can start enjoying the money you work so hard for.

Your DH is right. Why make all those sacrifices when you have an ofsted outstanding school which you quite like and can get places at?
Children adapt quickly at your dd age.

*to pay for

Your DH is right. The BBC reckons it costs, on average £286,000 per child to privately educate. So unless you happen to have £570,000 spare (without even taking fee rises into account) then you would be crazy not to move her - you are just delaying the inevitable.
www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-33535216

DS was very happy at his primary school and despite that we moved him at the end of year 2. I remember the nerves and worrying! He kept in touch with some of his old friends and made new ones - as I did. I think if you are upset at the move your child will pick up on it too so you need to stres the positives. It's lovely to be able to walk to a local school and meet friends on the way. Even a child that age will understand that the private school is expensive but now Mummy has found a new one where both children can go.

I did it OP. My oldest DD moved at the end of year 2 from her tiny private prep to an outstanding local primary. Best thing I've ever done!

She was happy in the prep but we were fooling ourselves...when she'd reached the age for high school, all her friends would have gone on to private secondary and with another DD it would have been too much.

The extra cash was brilliant. DD settled fine.

£52k...that's two years income for me and my DH!

Look, my kids are all State schooled.Admittedly theyve got good work ethics, the two eldest have made it to University and doing well, and the youngest is going the same way.
All their school lives ,their schools have been in and out of special measures

and still they've got a very good education.

The fact that you'll be able to afford holidays must be a plus, surely?
(We haven't had one in 8 years).
Is private education really that important ,these days, when more and more schools are considered good?
Without those fees, you should be able to have a nice family life. You won't have to work full time, you can probably be available for school events, and hopefully both your children can be at the same school.
What's not to like?

I would also just move her. The school fees get higher as they get older. I'd also try very very hard to get your son a state school place as others have said the sibling rule will help, because it will cause issues between them otherwise, no matter what the rationale is.😞

You have admitted you can't afford it. You certainly aren't going to be able to afford the hike for secondary school so just do it.

It will fine, your DD will adapt and enjoy have more local friendships, she'll be able to enjoy after school activities because you'll be able to afford them. Life will be less stressful - all these things are good for both your DC.