Angry with teacher

[CleverQuacks]

I am really angry with my sons year 5 teacher and need some guidance. My son does kickboxing and as part of his grading he has to get a tick box form completed by his teacher to say that he is behaving / being respectful / not hurting others. This is one a4 piece of paper with 4 tick box questions so not a huge piece of work. My son took the form in on Monday and needed it for kickboxing tonight. He has asked several times during the week and always told he will get it later so when he came out of school this afternoon without the form I went back into the class and asked for the form (in what I think was a polite manner). The teacher did a big sigh and asked "does it have to be right this minute" I replied that I was happy to wait but needed it for tonight's class.

She then filled in the form and wrote lots of negative things about my sons behaviour, stating he was disrespectful and does not do enough reading at home. This is the first time I have heard any of these complaints about my son, we had parents evening before last half term and it was all positive so I was very shocked by what she had written. Am I wrong to think these concerns should have been raised with me sooner? I pick my son up everyday from school so it wouldn't have been hard for her to grab me at the end of the day for a chat.

My son is now upset that he probably won't get his grading and I feel it's completely unfair because if she had raised it with me sooner we could have got it all sorted before it became a big problem.

AIBU?

[keekaw]

She sounds mean to me. And teachers are in a special relationship with their class so it's silly to compare them with GPs. It does sound like your son has done some things wrong and if he loses his ranking because of it then that's fair enough. But mentioning reading on the form is really petty, and her attitude sounds horrid.

[thatdearoctopus]

too many women of my acquaintance don't actually seem to like boys in general and I suspect that this attitude is fairly common amongst female teachers as well.

Complete and utter load of bollocks.

[VintagePerfumista]

She sounds like she went above and beyond in doing more than just ticking boxes.

Hope his behaviour improves soon.

[Clavinova]

thatdearoctopus Well, I wrote that comment nearly 2 hours ago and there's not been a barrage of disagreement - yet!

[thatdearoctopus]

So that makes it true? Lots of female teachers don't like boys?

Okaaaay.

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

Well I totally disagree. Maybe your acquaintances don't like boys but I can't think of any teachers I've known in 20 years who don't. Male or female.

[SetPhasersTaeMalkie]

Clavinova, what utter drivel.

[GottaCatchEmAll137]

CLAVINOVA - that is complete and utter rubbish. I am a female Science teacher. Most of the sports and Science teachers I know are female. None of them, including myself, have a problem with boys and are excellent teacher of their subjects.

What we do have problems with are sexist, damaging and ignorant comments from idiots who haven't got a clue about education.

[WhatInTheWorldIsGoingOn]

Clavinova, perhaps they just don't like your little boy?

I know no teachers that don't like boys.

[GottaCatchEmAll137]

There's your barrage. Now crawl back under your rock and take your 1950s sexism with you. Utterly offensive drivel.

[Clavinova]

In fact, I have two beautifully behaved boys - it's other peoples' boys I'm thinking of. I am of course thinking in terms of primary school aged children as per the thread. Telling us that primary school teachers have staff meetings every day after school, run clubs every day doesn't make it true either - staff meetings tend to be once a week/or very short if more often and a few teachers run after-school clubs in primary school.

[Whenasuitcasejustwontdo]

Clavinova, what a load of rubbish. Please do not claim that this sexist attitude is common, I've taught for a long time and I've never met a teacher who disliked either sex. The OP's issue isn't about gender either; don't make her problem into something it's not.

[youarenotkiddingme]

It's a tough one IMO.

Teachers have such a heavy workload which is ipoften bigger this time of year with plays and parties etc so she may have struggled to find time to complete the form.

But if all it asked for was a tick in 4 boxes and a signature to write negative comments in the margin about things that haven't been adressed is really unkind.

And from what the OP says it sounds like it was done through annoyance at the insistence of the form - which is not fair on any party involved.

[pieceofpurplesky]

Clav you really don't know how schools work then ... ignoring your sexist crap ... we have two before school meetings and two (at least an) hour long meetings after school. Plus parent meetings, detentions etc. We also have whole staff meetings monthly and department ones.
Believe me they are not short.

[mrz]

I was Rock as I wasn't happy with you speaking for me

[mrz]

I worked with a teacher who didn't like boys ...he preferred quiet, clever little girls.

[Feenie]

I would have filled in the form (but probably lost t instantly, like a ppl). I do think the teacher should have spoken to the OP first before committing such opinions to paper. There is something strange about this and, like Mrz, I think there's another side to this.

Too many women of my acquaintance don't actually seem to like boys in general and I suspect that this attitude is fairly common amongst female teachers as well.

I think that's more of an indictment of the company you choose to keep, tbh
You win the prize for the most idiotic comment on the primary board this weekend though. Easily.

[Clavinova]

Do you work in a primary school though pieceofpurplesky ? Detentions!??

[Clavinova]

Pretty sure there's been quite a few gender discrimination studies commissioned over the years. Anyway, off out - I'll leave you all to your planning and marking!

[Feenie]

I'm pretty sure you are talking bollocks, since you can't cite even one.

[CleverQuacks]

I really wasn't suggesting that the teachers response was because my son is a boy! I think that's a crazy suggestion.

[thatdearoctopus]

No, you weren't, but Clavinova mentioned it, for some bizarre reason.

[thatdearoctopus]

Anyway, moving on from the sexist de-rail, I think this is probably a fine example of "Can you just?"-ism.

So, if I were to pop my head round the kitchen door on a normal day and ask my husband if "he could just" make me a cup of tea, he would of course oblige. If I were to do the same as he was in the middle of serving up a big roast dinner for 10, then I might get short-shrift. Especially if if managed to produce the cup of tea and I then proceeded to complain it wasn't hot enough.

I suspect this is partly what happened here.

[thatdearoctopus]

Anyway, moving on from the sexist de-rail, I think this is probably a fine example of "Can you just?"-ism.

So, if I were to pop my head round the kitchen door on a normal day and ask my husband if "he could just" make me a cup of tea, he would of course oblige. If I were to do the same as he was in the middle of serving up a big roast dinner for 10, then I might get short-shrift. Especially if if managed to produce the cup of tea and I then proceeded to complain it wasn't hot enough.

I suspect this is partly what happened here.

[corythatwas]

I can perfectly understand a teacher telling a parent she was too busy too fill in the form and that it simply could not be done.

I can also understand (and applaud) a teacher answering questions asked on the form in an honest manner even if this would come across as very negative. One would however wish that she would raise issues of this type with a parent first though.

What I cannot understand is a teacher who is so tremendously busy with her work that she chooses to spend time filling the margin of a questionnaire with information she has never been asked to supply.

This suggests that she is simply venting her frustration- on a 10yo who is making a request that is perfectly reasonable (if not perhaps fulfillable).

I get asked for references by students all the time. Sometimes I am horrendously busy, sometimes it is a very bad time, I certainly don't get paid extra for supplying them. But I would never vent my frustration on the actual student by putting down something negative that was not relevant to the question. That would be very unprofessional.