Angry with teacher

[CleverQuacks]

I am really angry with my sons year 5 teacher and need some guidance. My son does kickboxing and as part of his grading he has to get a tick box form completed by his teacher to say that he is behaving / being respectful / not hurting others. This is one a4 piece of paper with 4 tick box questions so not a huge piece of work. My son took the form in on Monday and needed it for kickboxing tonight. He has asked several times during the week and always told he will get it later so when he came out of school this afternoon without the form I went back into the class and asked for the form (in what I think was a polite manner). The teacher did a big sigh and asked "does it have to be right this minute" I replied that I was happy to wait but needed it for tonight's class.

She then filled in the form and wrote lots of negative things about my sons behaviour, stating he was disrespectful and does not do enough reading at home. This is the first time I have heard any of these complaints about my son, we had parents evening before last half term and it was all positive so I was very shocked by what she had written. Am I wrong to think these concerns should have been raised with me sooner? I pick my son up everyday from school so it wouldn't have been hard for her to grab me at the end of the day for a chat.

My son is now upset that he probably won't get his grading and I feel it's completely unfair because if she had raised it with me sooner we could have got it all sorted before it became a big problem.

AIBU?

[mrz]

I wonder what would have happened if the teacher had simply refused

[mrz]

I'd add regarding the reading at home I've taught children who rarely read at home because of the demands of activities outside of school and as a result were tired in class and falling behind

[user789653241]

Re: refusing the form. I would be happier with that situation, if it was me, rather than have it lying around for a week and reluctant to sign in the end.
If she said she was busy, or claimed she can't possibly lie on the form, and refused to do it for him, I would understand.

[mrz]

I imagine we'd have a thread entitled "I'm so angry teacher refused to complete simple firm"

[user789653241]

Mrz, in fact, my ds spends so much hours on activity out side of school, but I would never let him neglect school work.

[mrz]

A seven year old non reader who goes to judo four nights a week with family (mostly watching dad and older brothers not taking part) gets home after 9pm and never reads at home and yawns through lessons ...not unusual IMHE

[abisothergran]

If private clubs wish to add to the work of public employees they should negotiate a fee for the work involved and design a more appropriate form !

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

But if she had refused to complete and sign the form then there would be a whole hoo ha about why not etc.

mrz - exactly - a good point. Should you mention things dealt with in school on the form. I share the dilemma. Not saying is not being totally honest. Saying then gets parents' backs up as they want to know why they weren't informed "running commentary" style.

[Clavinova]

Teachers are paid to relate to individual children during the school day though. Surely, if the teacher had read the form earlier in the week/day she should have taken the opportunity to speak to the boy about his behaviour in school with particular reference to the questions on the form; she had clearly not done this.

It is likely that she hadn't given much thought to the form until the mother asked for it - in which case why did she spend 5-10 minutes filling out the form, 'with lots of negative things' whilst the mother was waiting outside? How rude of the teacher not to speak to the mother directly. When was she going to encourage more reading at home - March?

How on earth do you link primary school teachers with 30 pupils they see 5 days a week to GPs and lawyers with 300 plus patients/clients they see occasionally? Even ds1's GP (whom he hadn't seen for several years) took the trouble to ask him what GCSE options he had chosen recently. If staff meetings/domestic arrangements do not allow primary school teachers a spare 15 minutes at the end of the school day (3.30pm?) to speak to parents 2-3 times a week then it's a poor show in my opinion. Ds2 (yr4) is lucky to have a fab bunch of male teachers in his junior/prep school - all interested in sport, science/sci-fi/history - young men who can actually relate to boys and their interests and don't find them an annoyance or brush them off - which encourages better behaviour and self-esteem. Too many women of my acquaintance don't actually seem to like boys in general and I suspect that this attitude is fairly common amongst female teachers as well.

[user789653241]

Mrz, at my ds' club, some secondary children are actually doing school work while they are waiting.
Yes I agree, some parents use the club as a cheaper child care, but they are rare and it's obvious there's some problem.
My ds does 2 hours X 3 nights, but he does reading/homework before the class.

[WhatInTheWorldIsGoingOn]

4 ticks and a signature? I am 100% certain that any professional that I saw on a daily basis would do that for free. If I had an appointment and had 4 ticks and signature needed from my doctor I am certain they would do it there and then without any fuss at all. Or if I saw a lawyer every day I'm certain they would also do it.

If she was in that much of a hurry why waste time writing when she could so 4 ticks and a signature?

I'm a teacher btw. My main problem would be yjh paperwork gets lost within minutes by me! You'd have to make me do it on the spot to stand half chance of ever seeing it again!

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

It wasn't 4 ticks and a signature if he wasn't behaving well. It was 4 ticks and writing a comment next to each then signing it off.

[WhatInTheWorldIsGoingOn]

Personally I would have done 4 ticks and a signature and worried about this new behaviour since last term after speaking to a parent about what has changed.

[mrz]

"If she was in that much of a hurry why waste time writing when she could so 4 ticks and a signature?" Perhaps she felt uncomfortable ticking and felt she needed to elaborate

[abisothergran]

As has been shown by this thread it is not just four ticks and a signature-And most publically employed professionals are currently overworked .

[mrz]

I assume the children getting on with homework can actually read and don't require an adult

[WhatInTheWorldIsGoingOn]

Then more fool her mrz.

[WhatInTheWorldIsGoingOn]

I feel like I need to see this form now!

[jamdonut]

What were the questions by the "tick boxes "? Presumably the teacher felt the need to answer truthfully, rather than just tick four boxes and add her signature?

You asked her to fill the form out .
She did.
You maybe didn't know about his behaviour before because in the grand scheme of things in that classroom, it wasn't that remarkable. But you wanted this form filling and she responded to the questions, as she sees it.

Did you want her to be untruthful and sign her name to it?

Maybe she should've just returned it without doing anything?

[Rockpebblestone]

Reading through this thread, it really does show that there are a lot of very bitter teachers about.

Yes, we get it - the job is hard. However this does not negate the frankly quite rude and vindictive behaviour from the teacher in this particular case the OP has outlined. The task was not particularly onerous it would have taken longer to pointedly avoid than just tick and sign. If the child's behaviour had deteriorated to such a degree that the comments were warranted, yes, the parent should have been informed. Just so they can do all they can to actually help...

Would the teacher rather a parent fills the form out and fraudulently signs on their behalf? I doubt this very much...

Ignore them OP. I'm afraid this is a rather sad life lesson - people can be very unkind.

[CleverQuacks]

Just to clarify the form was only 4 tick boxes. She used the empty white margins to write the negative comments. There was also no question about doing reading/homework, she chose to make this comment unprompted.

[Clavinova]

I hope you haven't bought this teacher a Christmas gift op.
Please arrange a meeting with her to calmly discuss her comments on the form.

[mrz]

Reading through this thread I feel lots of people are happy to make judgements based on half a story

We don't know the circumstances or the reasons behind the teacher's actions.

[Rockpebblestone]

Speak for yourself, mrz....

[CleverQuacks]

Also I think what makes me most angry is I was stood right there. She could have explained about his behaviour or if she had been waiting to see if there was an improvement before filling in the form but instead she said nothing and just handed back the form and walked off.