Sanction being carried out after the weekend, thoughts please

[TribbleTrouble]

So ds1 is massively struggling at school, he's just turned six. I think his class has just fully transitioned to year one structure now. He is being looked at for learning difficulties.

He has been lashing out against other children of late, and he did so again today. I spoke with the teacher who told me ds1 has lost his playtimes for Monday. Honestly, I feel this is heavy handed as its going to be a whole weekend after the incident. The teacher said she felt it was heavy handed, the member of SLT I spoke with said that the sanction was due to the severity of the incident and had over ruled the teacher.

So he's six, and it's going to be three days until his punishment. Surely this is too long for someone of his age? Shouldn't he have been sanctioned immediately?

You poor thing. I think the school's punishment was right, but this must be very difficult for you. It's clear from your post that you love and cherish your son, so that gives him a good chance of getting through this

What are you doing at home to help with being in year 1? Year 1 is going to be work, it's school, if they play all day they might as well stay at home. I would suggest doing similar to school at home in the evening and at weekends where he has to learn to sit and concentrate 30 mins, listen to instructions and do some work. Get him to read to you and you to him every day also. Get him to practice each day what he's finding tricky so he does catch up quicker at school

Every evening I would also get him to do at least an hours excercise ( including walking home, park, local pool, torches in garden) to wear off excess energy before you try and get him to sit and concentrate again. Things like siting and painting or Hama beads also require good concentration.
Before school walk don't drive and walk long way around if nearby so he gets a good 20 min walk before school starts

Ok trouble, firstly, I'm not a fan of missing break as a punishment or of delaying a punishment for a young child.
The problem is that he's hurt another child on a Friday (afternoon I'm guessing?) so their options were fairly limited and there DOES need to be a consequence. What consequences would you consider more appropriate? If you have good ideas about what might help your ds then I'm sure the school will be happy to discuss it. You all want the same result, for your child to stop lashing out.

Whoops! Just posted and realised I missed some of your posts where you do offer other suggestions..... Sorry!!

Hi Tribble, I'm a teacher (Foundation/KS1) and parent of a summer (31st Aug) boy who really struggled with YR 1.
Missing a proportion of his playtime on Monday does seem reasonable as he needs to understand that there are consequences for his actions (physical behaviour). However, I would arrange a meeting with his teacher to discuss what is going on and how they plan to support him.
Have you spoken to him about what is upsetting/ causing the behaviour issues?
There must be a reason for this change in behaviour. Alot of children find the transition from Foundation to Year 1 difficult. Foundation is play based and KS1 is more structured (this varies from school to school but most are quite formal). Although, this is no excuse for physically hurting others and this needs to be addressed. I would ask the teacher exactly what he is finding difficult and frustrating and how they are planing to manage/ support this. Ask if there is anything you can do to support this at home.
If they think that there are issues with his development then I'm surprised that this wasn't picked up in Foundation. Again, ask for clarification before you speak to medical professionals.

Art we read with him everyday, he walks to and from school, he does his school homework when he gets it. He also does swimming and football during the week. I'll be honest, we don't necessarily do sit down and concentrate stuff every day, but we try and sit down as a family for mealtimes most days. He gets involved in household chores, and also does a lot of drawing and crafts including making story books.

Jennie he did have issues in foundation which were picked up on, and he was receiving support for them and towards the end of the year a referral process was started for him, although I haven't heard anything. We have meetings set up next week to speak with teaxher and deputy head.

Teacher even

the point is if he has learning difficulties learning cause and effect may be incredibly hard for him, he isnt going to learn the same way as other children. My son is 12, ASD and a learning disabilty. He still doesnt get consequences. A sanction on Monday for something today is pointless because he wont be able to put the two together. I also dont punish at home for things that happen at school,

You do need to push hard in special needs world. Get the referral and assessment, with a view to pursuing an Education Health and Care plan ( these have replaced statements). Contact your local SENDIAS service who can provide help and support. Where is the school SENCO? They should be provinding support

user that's really helpful, thank you I'll look them up. I'm really not sure what's happened to the SENCO this term, I haven't seen her at all. I'll ask the deputy head on Monday.

Right, I'm going to have a cup of tea and sign off MN for a bit and come back to this tomorrow. Thank you so much for all your help, there are some useful bits here that I'm really grateful for.

I think you'll have to manage the situation the best you can until you've spoken to the deputy and class teacher. I suppose it depends what they feel the issues are and what they are referring him for. As teachers we can't diagnose any particular condition but we can raise concerns about particular behaviours. Do you find his behaviour difficult at home? What strategies are you using to manage his behaviour?
As a teacher, I feel that a good relationship with the parents' is vital. You know your child better than anyone and can provide important information/ strategies that work well for your child. I know it is difficult, but you have to work together so that your child is given the support he needs.

I said take it seriously because I thought you are in denial = not taking it seriously, by giving excuse, him being over whelmed, gp being inefficient, school being heavy handed. I am sure it's all true. But did you actually thought about other child who's been hurt? I have both experience of my ds being offender and receiving end. But if my ds was hurt, I wouldn't think poor boy/girl X, he/she can't control their actions. I know it's hard, but you really need to work with school.

It is probably a good thing that this happened as it will help you finding out whether there is an underlying cause for this; I hope you get a referral soon by your Doctor or the School. I feel this is not normal behaviour for a 6 year old as he seems unable to control his feeling and is releasing his frustrations of not copping with the school work aggressively towards other children; perhaps it is something related to his nervous system.

In the meantime could you try something to help him relax a bit, like cranial osteopathy, children yoga, any other relaxing activity, spending more time on things he enjoys doing? Have you had any other concerns about his development, behaviour at home, behaviour outside school or is this something that only happens at school?. As a mum you know your child better than anybody and can feel whether something is not totally right with him . You are the best person to help him and push for that help externally.

I understand your position but it is also a difficult situation for the school as he is putting himself and other children in danger with the head butting and it is difficult for the teachers to keep an eye on him all the time as they got lot of other children and responsibilities. I would not be concentrating my energies so much on the coming punishment but on how to help him forward. Does he have lot of screen time during the week?; could this be affecting him a bit?. Do you control what he uses the tablet for? what sort of games he plays? . I only allowed screen time from Friday to Sundays and in the school holidays.

Is he having any of the issues at swimming/football?

In contrast to user my ASD son would have had consequences at home for assaulting another child and I would make sure he understood why he was being punished on Monday... try Social Stories.
Children have to learn to live in society we do them no favours by teaching them the rules don't apply to them.

OP I'm really sorry as this must be very hard but you need to support the school. That is the best thing you can do to help your son. For whatever reason you ask the question when you query their punishment it sends a message, whether it is your intention or not, that you don't. You need to make it very clear you do not condone his behaviour and that you would like to do whatever it takes to make him stop and would appreciate their help and advise in what to do. They will help but regardless of the cause behind it, this behaviour is unacceptable and has a negative impact on the other children. You may not be aware but other parents may already be giving the school a hard time (it doesn't take long for this to happen I'm afraid) because of your son's behaviour so they have to take action.
It is very difficult and although the school will do everything they can to support you and your son they also have a duty of care to the other children and if he is hurting them at playing then removing him from playtime is a sensible sanction.
This is no reflection on you and it sounds like you just want support. I really hope you get it and I'm sorry to hear the doctor is useless. Please don't think it is your fault or that the school will be making assumptions or judgements about you or your parenting so don't go in to the meetings (at which you should be asking for the involvement of the SENCO too) on the defensive. They will want to help. Start by apologising for his behaviour and making it clear you do not condone it in anyway and you just want to know how you can work together to make it stop. Making excuses and trying to find the root cause are two very different things if that makes sense? Make it clear you aren't ding the former but just want to find the root cause in order to address it. Good luck and I really hope you can sort things out.

When I said it's better to be dealt with earlier, I mean it. I felt like my ds was a wounded animal when he was in reception. He couldn't express himself verbally, resulting in lashing out by pushing and shoving. Now he is one of the best behaved child.

Honestly, I questioned it because his class teacher had questioned it due to the length of time between the incident and the sanction. I'm not being unsupportive towards the school, and I don't believe querying the reason behind a decision makes it that way either.

I did also apologise for his behaviour, of course I did. The first thing I did after the first lot of incidents was ask for a meeting with the school to find out what the heck was going on.

Hopefully, there will be some further light shed on it all next week.

Irvine you're right, I don't want this behaviour to carry on at all. I also don't want him to become disengaged at school either. He does have moments at home, and we have some concerns about some aspects of his behaviour. But he's never been one for lashing out, he normally stands there and wails when he's been done wrong or he runs away.

His screen time is mainly after bath time, and he tends to watch mine craft videos through kids YouTube. He also plays cbeebies games as well. At his other activities he doesn't seem to have any issues with the other children, but they're very led activities aren't they.

OP I know you aren't. It's clear you aren't but I was just giving you some advice so you aren't perceived wrongly if that makes sense? It sounds like you've already done exactly the right thing from what you've just explained. To be honest I'm very surprised the teacher questioned the actions of another member of staff to a parent. It is extremely unprofessional. I would query at the meeting what the behaviour policy is- there should be a copy on the school website. The staff should all be singing from the same hymn sheet so for me it does actually ring an alarm bell that a teacher would undermine a colleague like that.

I think screen time after bath is a very bad idea. I don't have any links, but I was advised by lots of MNetters that screen/blue light actually stimulate your brain, not calm you down before bed. So not very good for good night's sleep.

Friday afternoons are so awkward if a sanction is needed...we always get the children together and talk restorative as a matter of course, but a "red card" needs a sanction, and it has to hang over to Monday break-time. It's not ideal, but it is being consistent. Also, parents are always informed of a red card being given.

Bear in mind, that aside from the sanction to your son, the school needs to find ways of making sure he is supported in the playground, and that may take time to put in place. In the meantime, they need to protect the other students from being hurt. Remember, that whilst you are upset about your son hurting others, there are parents on the other side questioning why their child is being hurt, and what the school is doing about it. The school will be needing to work out aide time, who can do it, and how it will actually look in practice.

Forget the time frame between the incident and the sanction, you're focusing on the wrong issue. What you need to be asking is what they are going to put in place to support your son to be able to access the playground without hurting others.

I understand about the issue surrounding children being hurt, it's about as far from ideal as you can get really. I'm going to be speaking with the deputy today and asking what the plan is going forwards. Also going to be asking where the SENCO has been in all of this as well (he had involvement in reception year).

I'm just worried that not being able to burn off some energy today will result in him misbehaving in class this afternoon.

Spoke with deputy this afternoon, and ds was very good and seemed to get why he was missing his playtime. No issues this afternoon either when he was in class.

They've said they can offer him structured lunch times to help when he seems to be overwhelmed, so that's a positive. They've also said that they'll get the lunchtime staff to keep an eye on him as well. Next step is to speak with his teacher, and then the SENCO.