Sanction being carried out after the weekend, thoughts please

[TribbleTrouble]

So ds1 is massively struggling at school, he's just turned six. I think his class has just fully transitioned to year one structure now. He is being looked at for learning difficulties.

He has been lashing out against other children of late, and he did so again today. I spoke with the teacher who told me ds1 has lost his playtimes for Monday. Honestly, I feel this is heavy handed as its going to be a whole weekend after the incident. The teacher said she felt it was heavy handed, the member of SLT I spoke with said that the sanction was due to the severity of the incident and had over ruled the teacher.

So he's six, and it's going to be three days until his punishment. Surely this is too long for someone of his age? Shouldn't he have been sanctioned immediately?

He's been spoken to and has had his tablet time taken away from him this weekend.

Although if anyone has any practical suggestions, then I'd be open to it. I don't know what to do.

In practical terms, Tribble, it sounds as if they had no choice but to postpone the sanction until after the weekend. I don't see what else they could have done.

I know SDT, I realise that.

Gosh what a mess, I hate this.

Tribble if that's their standard sanction (and it is a standard sanction at that age) then I know my ds would have very quickly worked out that if he picked his time (last thing on Friday) he could get away with it.

But one offs probably not, with kids of this age I would expect a bit of hitting and shoving
Thing is it isn't a one off. He's done it before and the fact it's different children doesn't make a difference. There is a bit of hitting and shoving, but if they get away with it then they will continue. They have to come down to stop it reoccurring.
How would you feel if your ds came home with a bruise after they'd been hit and the school said "well, you know he hasn't hit your ds before, so we didn't punish him. Yes, he's hit 7 or 8 other children but we can't do anything until he hits one of them for the second time." You'd be going in and asking about your ds' safety in school and so would a lot of other parents.

maybe the key piece of information here is that he is being assesed for learning difficulties

To be honest, if it was a one off and that child skipped out to play on a Monday morning I wouldn't think anything of it as I would have presumed the school would have dealt with the incident at the time. If ds came home with a bruise (and he has in the past), I would expect the school to deal with it and leave it at that. Kids at this age do have scuffles, obviously serial offenders are different. But as I said, they're still learning at this age and sometimes there will be incidents from time to time.

But your ds is the serial offender. Take it more seriously. Nobody wants to be hurt twice. Think it's lucky it's dealt with when he is 6, not 16.

Tribble I think your feelings are going beyond the incident being carried over the weekend and more towards the fact you feel lost and confused about what's going on with your little boy?

I get it, I really do. My Ds has sn and when he went from the quiet withdrawn child who bimbled along happily to a child who hurt others I felt defensive of him as well as feeling awful that my child was doing this.

I think the best way forward is to ask school to meet with you. Ask they log all incidents, the time, place, what was happening before. Try and find a pattern. Then you also have a paper trail that of things don't improve you are able to ask them what they are doing proactively rather than reactively to support your Ds.
Hitting is never ok. But some children aren't hitting to hurt or get their own way it's because they are frustrated and unable to communicate another way. They still need to learn but the teaching needs to be differed. Punishment won't work if the child cannot yet control their actions. In fact Ime it just frustrates them more and increases the bad behavior.

He is just a small child. All children are different.Please do not be upset by some of the comments on here as adults too are all different and have different experiences of and outlooks on life.
Work with the school as best you can as they are trying to help.Ask them for advice. Show willing then they know you are being proactive.
Restorative justice etc is very helpful.You may need to do this at home as not many schools have this in place.
He will grow up into a lovely young man I am sure.

Why do you think I'm not taking it seriously? Because I questioned the timing of a sanction as to its effectiveness in comparision to an immediate sanction?

I am absolutely taking this seriously, I've even asked on this thread if anyone has any practical suggestions. What can I do? I mean seriously, what would you do? My child is struggling massively in school, and is now being violent. My child, who is not like this, who has never exhibited this kind of behaviour in his life. Suddenly I'm faced with this angry sad little boy who is lashing out. Who cried at the dinner table because he can't write for the bloody display the teacher is doing.

I don't know what to do.

Ask the school to help back you up with the learning difficulty assessment his currently having, hopefully you'll get an answer quicker if the school are backing you up.

you that's what I feel like, I'm mortified and horrified. What parent wouldn't be when told that their child is hurting others. I found out last week that the stupid doctor hasn't even done his bloody referral, so I spent today there trying to sort that out.

I have no experience of this OP-- but your last post was so sad. My nephew has just gone from reception to year one and really struggled for the first half term, setting himself everyday at school. It was upsetting for him and SIL.

all I suppose i want to say is it seems a hard transition, especially for boys. It's suddenly more structured and not as much fun and it must be tough.

Just keep being a comfortable happy place for him, even when you're going through the punishments and hopefully he'll grow out of it.

Sorry if I've missed it but does the teacher have explanations or anything helpful to say?

So I've lost months because some stupid doctor didn't write one letter.

I will, I'm going to pull myself together and start afresh on Monday.

Sorry setting is wetting typing with left hand as trying to get dd2 to sleep.

Ask the school to refer your ds, it should be done quicker coming from them.

It's OK, she just said he was struggling with the change to year one. I'm meeting with her next week to discuss things further.

Do I wait for them to refer him, to say that they want to or do I ask them to? I don't know the system for this kind of thing.

I'd say you'd like them to refer them so you can all get to the bottom of his violent outbursts. That should get them on board.

Refer him*

Right will do dear, thank you.

No problem. Good luck to you and your ds.

YABVU......