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Other parents being abusive, HELP not sure what to do!!

35 replies

EMMinthepink · 04/02/2007 23:53

My ds had an altercation with another boy in his class, they are 8yrs old and this other boy has been a bully to most of the other children in the class since nursery (4 years ago) the school has had several complaints about childs behaviour and parents have been called into school etc. etc. On Fri ds told me other child hit him and ds put his arm up to defend himself and his nail caught other kids finger and scratched him, about 1cm long not deep etc. Ds never gets into trouble for fighting (bit of a wimp really) but other child always fighting, both kids got told off (I was a bit annoyed at this, but thought what's done is done), when mum of other kid picked him up I saw her talking to teacher and thought nothing of it, ds was telling me what had happened, and slowly walk off to go home. Mum of other child ran to catch up with me then yelled at me 'your son scratched my son' I said 'I don't want to talk about in street, but will discuss back at school', she then started swearing at me ' your son too F good to hurt my son' ' your F son too prescious to talk about' at this point I said I would not talk here but would go back to the school. She repeated the above at which point I had reached my car and told her I was leaving and crossed the road, I opened the car door for ds to climb in and then she shouted at me 'I hope you die in childbirth' (I'm 6m pregnant) shocked I looked at her and said 'what' to my disbelife she repeated it!!!! and in front of ds and her kid. I was so horrified I went straight back to the school and reported it. They took it seriously but what can they do? and what should I do now?, ds now adamant he has to be there at the birth, but I'm having cs so not possible, he's far more upset about it than I realised. HELP!!

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 04/02/2007 23:55

God, how foul of her!

No advice, but you poor thing - and poor DS too, to witness such a vile woman!

fireflyfairy2 · 04/02/2007 23:58

The fuckin bitch!!!

How dare she??!!

Oh I am livid on your behalf. How can a mother say that to another mother. I would take this seriously & want her to know you are taking it seriously, but am unsure of what channels you would need to go through.

pinkbubble · 05/02/2007 00:02

OMG how can anyone behave like this! I feel for you I cant imagine how I would feelif someone spoke to me like this- I would have to think really positive thou she has no idea what a disgusting mouth she has and probably in her eyes her "PRECIOUS" SON DOES NO WRONG!!!! I honestly believe this there is no way you will die in child birth I cant believe she said that(horrible vicious woman) so please dont let this worry you. If you need more reassurance then feel free to go to midwife for extra reassurance and tell them why- Im sure they will understand. Is the sch going to do anything about this woman- I bet your looking forward to tomorrow- NOT!!!!

EMMinthepink · 05/02/2007 00:07

School said they would talk to her (like they have done 100 times before about her child) but they don't ever seem to tell him off when I've seen him being naughty in the playground, I did call the woman 'a nasty evil woman' as she walked away and she just laughed and nudged her son like she had won something!! I know other mums would be shocked if I told them, but not sure if this will make ds life harder if her son then picks on him more, any advice?

OP posts:
fishfortea · 05/02/2007 00:10

What has her son gained from this- ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!!

Skribble · 05/02/2007 00:11

I would take this womans verbal attack very seriously, esecially as it was in front of your child. In effect she is bullying you now. It is verbal abuse and a breach of the peace as she put you in "a state of fear and alarm".

I would consider reporting this to the police, was it heard by an other adult?

fireflyfairy2 · 05/02/2007 00:11

TBH I'd stay away from her. She sounds like she is unstabe or something. Anyone would think she was proud of herself if she nudged her son whilst walking away from you. The nutter.

But we all need someone to talk to don't we? So if you have to confide in another mum who does the school run, even just for moral support, then feel free to do so, you won't be construed as a gossip.

Skribble · 05/02/2007 00:13

In fact I would most certainly report it, even just for them to have a reord of the incident in case there is any further incidents, they will question her, this shows her you will stand up to her and will not tolerate this kind of abuse.

AitchTwoOh · 05/02/2007 00:16

how awful for you and your son. what a terrible thing to say. not sure what to suggest you do, other than take your son to your next hospital appointment so that he can be reassured that you are fine. she sounds too loony to tackle...

fireflyfairy2 · 05/02/2007 00:17

I think I agree with skribble too. How about an official looking letter to her about her verbal assault on you in front of your son?

Was there any others about who witnessed the incident?

Can't help feeling I would want to take it further......

EMMinthepink · 05/02/2007 00:18

I'm not sure who else heard, but all the children were leaving school so the road was full of people, I was so shocked I didn't really think about it, dreading morning, why do you think I'm still up, DH said he will come to pick up DS with me, but I have to do morning run on my own. Teacher was brilliant, and as shocked as I was, he spoke to head. Part of me feels so angry that I do want to stir things up, I know she has had 'heated conversations' with other mums and they would be shocked to hear this, as would any mum, parent, normal human being. I'm just soooooo angry .

OP posts:
fireflyfairy2 · 05/02/2007 00:21

Oh god love you. Still awake at this time of the night & you 6 months gone

See? this is what she has done to you! The bitch! I just can't believe that she has said that to you.

You were in the right telling her you would discuss it with her in school, as the incident had happened in school. She was just being a common, vulgar bit of mouthy stuff when she had a go at you!! I can't say much more, I am so bloody angry on your behalf

Skribble · 05/02/2007 00:26

Unfortunatly the school is limited in what they can do and probably best for them not to blinder into this, it is a police matter as you are both adults and it happened out of school.

With advise about how to deal with her, ignore her as much as you can,

if she says anything abusive towards you reply in a loud and clear voice something like "Please do not swear at me" or "You are upsetting my child, please stop".

This immediatly alerts other people to what is going on, they will be able to hear what you are saying and that you are not swearing or being abusive.

Continue to speak loudly and clearly but do not shout... "Leave me alone", "Stop swearing at me", " I want to leave" etc.

People will realise very quickly that it is her that is causing the hassle.

fireflyfairy2 · 05/02/2007 00:28

Good advice from skribble.

I have to go to bed now as I have an early start in the morning. But I will check in tomorrow afternoon to see how it went dropping your ds off. Remember to ignore her, or say the things skribble told you to Take Care Emm & try to get some rest x

EMMinthepink · 05/02/2007 00:33

Thanks to you all, this is my first thread and I also can't belive there are other mad people up at this time of night!! I think I'll turn in now, but I'll let you know what happens. I do feel better getting it off my chest DH was soo angry that I didn't get alot of support for how I felt, so thanks again and goodnight

OP posts:
SSShakeTheChi · 05/02/2007 09:18

no wonder that kid is a bully

OrmIrian · 05/02/2007 11:53

Precisely SSShake... that was my first thought. Poor kid. He hasn't a hope has he really .

Hope you're feeling calmer now. Just remember that you are in the right and acted 100% correctly and reasonably in the face of appalling behaviour. Good for you for remaining calm and not stooping to her level. here's hoping that she's feeling really bad now. Probably not but you can always hope....

Marina · 05/02/2007 11:56

Different circumstances slightly but I was once sent a death threat by e-mail connected to where I work. I too was pg at the time and the sender knew that.
The police took the matter perfectly seriously and pursued it until lack of evidence meant it had to be dropped.
I would definitely pursue this further EMM, because of the particular distress her remarks have caused your son that is awful.

crumbs · 05/02/2007 12:03

I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. I had a similar experience a year ago, a mother came to my house to yell at me because DS had "bullied" her DS (they were 8). I was shocked and upset, went straight back to school and was told that nothing significant had happened that day. Nothing more happened, or was said, but even a year later my stomach turns over when I see her, so I know just how you must be feeling - and what she said to you was so, so nasty.

I didn't take it any further, but made detailed notes of what was said, and about her attitude, so that if it happened again I could report it - I would have got the police involved then, definitely.

fattime · 05/02/2007 12:16

EMMinthepink, I really feel for you. I had a similar experience some months ago. I just hope that this is not repeated because no-one seems able to deal properly with these bullies. Can only hope that she feels really really bad for what she said but I really wonder with such people. Think what skribble said about things to say is the best advise. Hopefully if it was to be repeated then others would come to your defence or at least give her a wide berth in the playground on your behalf.

singersgirl · 05/02/2007 12:20

No advice - think you've had some good advice on here - but poor you and your poor DS. What an awful situation.

EMMinthepink · 05/02/2007 14:52

Hi just going up to the school to meet with the head, dh has seeked legal advice and they suggested getting the school to do an action plan and give us a written copy so if anything further happens we have eveidence that 1. It's happened before and 2. action was taken. I'm not scared of confrontation for my sake, I've got enough friends up at the school not to worry about her, and a supportive family. I just don't want ds to get picked on. My other fear is that she will try to turn it into a racist incident (I belive she has tried this before at school) as she is muslim and of Somalian decent , but she picked the wrong person as I don't have a racist bone in my body as many of my multi-cultural friends will tell her!! anyway, I'll let you all know what happens . lol EMM

OP posts:
fireflyfairy2 · 05/02/2007 14:57

Good Luck Emm

Pinotmum · 05/02/2007 15:12

How could she say that! Let her try the race card if she wants it won't stick. Good luck!

Sheraz · 05/02/2007 15:13

What a terrible woman. I am shocked ! And it takes a lot to shock me. You could get it logged with the Police then if she does it again, she could be sealt with for harrassment. It might be worht popping into your local Police station. Unbelievable.