My child got bitten at school last week.

[NAB3]

The teacher hasn't told me and my son only told me on the way home on Friday. I can't sleep for being so upset. I am shaking at the thought of having to go in and speak to the teacher. It is a mutual dislike thing between us. DH is worried it will appear our son is a Mummy's boy who can't fight his own battles but he was bitten.

tell the headmaster (typed by 4 yr old ds - this is his advice

The thing with a bite is that it is so fast. When my son was younger, aged around 3, he would sometimes bite. Even though I supervised him exceptionally well, sometimes he would still bite, and I couldn't stop him, it was that fast.

I don't think that a teacher can guarentee that it will not happen again. She has to look after the whole class, not just the child who bites

i'm dreading dd2 starting school, she is a biter, kicker and shover.

i think if the child has been punished already then you should IMO go in all guns blazing. maybe have a quiet word with the teach 'ds was upset on whatever-day as he was bitten at school, do you know anything about it?' that gives the teacher the oppertunity to tell you what happened. then you could ask her to keep an eye on the twp of them as it appears to be a reoccuring problem.

dd1 has been 'picked' on by a boy in her class since she started there in year 1. each time his mum get calls up to the teacher to be told about it, and each time she asks me if it was dd1 he hurt again. fortunatly i am friends with the bioys mum so its easier to deal with iyswim. atm dd1 and the boy are friends. i give them another couple of weeks before they have a bust up at school.

I just can't stop crying. I know I can't protect him from everything, and he has to learn to stick up for himself (this mother thinks I am not bringing my son up properly as I don't tell him to hit back) but he is my son and it breaks my heart that he has to put up with this.

Not my mum, the mother of the child doing the biting!

He either doen't always tell the teacher or says nothing is done, but he is only 5.

Apparently when she bit him he said he was going to tell now, and did.

If it keeps on happening, then the school does need to look at the level of supervision

I remember being utterly mortified the last time ds bit someone in preschool. I went up to the mother of the victim and started to appologise. Thankfully the woman was faintly saintly and she laughed. He son was/is autistic and she was reived that for once her son was the 'victim' rather than the perpertrator.

I do realise how awful it must be for you. I can also see that the school should look at its level of supervision, but the teacher can't 100% guarentee that you son will never be on the recieving end of something.

How many times does something have to happen before someone gets through to this child that she can't do this?

It sounds like you have a problem with the teacher and the child's mother. However it sounds like the teacher dealt with the incident calmly and appropriately. The child's parents would probably have been informed. If the child often behaves like this than it's possible that they have difficulies which you don't know about. The child's mother is probably being just as defensive as you about her child!

Oh, believe me the mother and I don't speak and won't be again.

'How many times does something have to happen before someone gets through to this child that she can't do this?'

we currently at 4.5years and it still hasnt sunk in

Oh NAB3 I really feel for you. DD starts school in Sept and we have brought her up not to retaliate and I am worried about her being picked on. I would want to go and have words with the child myself which I know is highly inappropriate. As this isn't the first incident I think you should arrange a proper appointment either with his teacher or the headmaster or both together to discuss their plan of action. You are right - this cannot continue.

BTW my worries about DS will not be the same as although he is only 18 months old at the moment he is more likely to be the biter when he reaches school age!!!

You could write down everything that has happened and than go to see the head. If you write it down it's easier if you get upset when discussing it. As hard as it is,try not to criticise the teacher or the parent as this makes it sound personal. Just give him/her the facts and explain how it has affected your son.You could ask what the school's policy is on the issues. Obviously the teacher dealt with the biting incident, but you could ask to be informed in future if your son is physically hurt.

Tomorrow you could go in and say that DS has been nervous about coming to school re the biting and he's scared it will happen again.

What could you both(you and teach) do about helping him over that? How could he protect himself in future? Was it a one-off?

Don't indicate that her handling of the situation wasn't right even though you think it!

The Head already knows there is an issue. It is only personal because of what this child has done and what the mother has said to me. I know I can't be fully objective because it is her, but that is because it has happened a few times. If she had pushed him over I wouldn't be as upset. He doesn't want to go to school but also said it is over with. Sounds like someone has said that to him, rather than something he would say.

Well I think it is bullying actually, well the start of it anyway. If this little girl is allowed to continue in this way what will she be like as she gets older? Go in and see the teacher AND the head - its not a first offence and you're right it can't be allowed to continue. Good luck anyway .

Bullying is an ongoing intentional repetitive thing. I wouldnt class this as bullying and these are 4 and 5 year olds we are talking about. I agree it would be worth finding out a little more about it by mentioning it to the teacher but it is simply not possible for a teacher to assure anyone it wont happen again.

I am really not sure about not speaking to the mother again. WHy is this? Does your child know this?

Speaking to the mother is not an option. I am going to tell the teacher he has told me this has happened and see what she has to say. I just know I won't sleep a wink tonight and will be as nervous as anything tomorrow.

I'm not sure that a little girl of 5 is a horrible child or a bully - I think she is not old enough for labels such as these.

I think it sounds like she has either not been shown appropriate boundaries around her behaviour, or has insufficient understanding of what she has been told and shown to learn how to moderate her behaviour.

FWIW I think the teacher appears to have dealt with it appropriately in this case - she was punished with the loss of golden time.

I'm not sure that cuddly teachers are par for the course much beyond reception TBH - but I would have expected her to speak to your son and ensure he was calmed down after the incident.

Were you bullied as a child? Is this why all of this seems such a huge deal to you? My children have been hurt at school, various times some accidental some most certainly deliberate, and I don't ever remember being in tears over it. And I am usually as bit of a softie really

I just wonder if this is bringing back bad memories for you and you are transferring your feelings of helplessness and misery onto your son.

Most kids get over this kind of stuff very quickly given a chance - and not making too big a fuss helps a lot imho!

I would talk calmly to the teacher tomorrow - mention the other incidents and say that you think there might be a pattern of behaviour delevolping towards your DS by this girl, and that it is running close to the line of being bullying in your view. Ask her what the school policy on bullying is, and whether in her view this meets the definitions contained in the policy document. By doing this you are putting down the marker that you are watching the situaion closely, and will expect the schools policy on bullying to come into play should any more incidents occur.

If she really does give you unsatisfactory answers, or appears off hand and disinterested, then tell her you are disappointed in her response and will take it up with the Head Teacher - 4 year olds talk sense sometimes Northener

Right, firstly, the teacher was wrong for not informing you that this had happened. No two ways about it, doesnt matter whether she had already punished the little girl for it. The teacher should have told the parent that the child was hurt/injured/bitten/whatever.
Ofsted would take a pretty dim view of that I would think.

I think the teacher should be keeping you updated on how they are dealing with the situation, to put your mind at rest.

I dont think its the child or the parents fault that she is biting, tbh. Some children are just biters and it takes a while for them to understand that its not acceptable. Social skills are tough to develop. Crikey - my social skills arent that fantastic and I am 30! Mind you, I dont bite people anymore.

She is a horrible child and it is her parents fault.

I am so annoyed I wasn't told. It isn't the first time something has happened to him and I wasn't told.

this has nothing to do with my childhood.