parents helping in their own child's reception class, opinions please!

[sunnysideup]

Just wondered about other people's experience of this, mine is not wide so I'd appreciate knowing what others think - I have one ds who has been in reception since September..he's one of the very youngest, he will still be four when he finishes reception!

Despite this and despite a quite clingy nature, he has been an absolute star and settled brilliantly, give or take one or two weeks of crying when I left him; his teacher gave him a glowing report etc etc.....and he's come on in leaps and bounds in all sorts of ways....

The ONLY issue he has with school is that he finds it very very difficult to accept that some children's mums stay when I go; there is always a parent helper, always one of the mums from his class!

Not only that, but the Supply Teacher he has today is also one of the mums!

Am I misguided, I really thought that helping/teaching in your own child's class would be a conflict of interests and not at all 'the done thing'!

What do you think/what happens in your school???? TIA!

I think it is usual for parents to come in and help tbh. It's quite nice to see your child in a class situation. I've been in once or twice, and will try and go in a bit more this year - doing things like helping with group work, helping with craft activities, reading etc.

Why not see if you can come in an help one day? The teachers are always really grateful!

i stayed in my sons class in junior school, quite frankly the teacher was appauling and i was worried at the things she said.

i used to help other children not my son. but he knew i was there.

i think thats the way to go really,not just the issue above but if the child is insecure or misbehaving, i dont have a problem with it as long as its not sitting next to your own child throughout the school day.

yeh, i helped, loved it, as long as your child doesnt cling on to you during the lesson. i think they are so proud that their mum is helping.

I help out in my sons reception class. I started after the first half term to enable all the children time to settle. I enjoy it as I get a first hand look at what goes on in the classrrom , and I can see for myself which areas DS needs greater support at home.

hmm, that's the thing really - I still feel he is JUST coping with me leaving him each day, if I add staying some days and not others, but not to be with him but to be with other kids.....just too confusing and anxious making for him I think.

I can see it working in future years perhaps but if you are not working WITH your child then you might as well be in a different class surely, so that they are NOT aware you're there?

Maybe there's also something about keeping home and school seperate....he's learning to function without me there basically....I don't want to muddy the waters....maybe I think too much into these things!

I'm obviously going against the prevailing view, anyway!

Thanks for thoughts...

I know some schools allow this, but others don't - not in your child's class anyway. To be honest I wouldn't think it's a good idea. I know some parents who would use it as an opportunity to check out the teachers and promote their child's interests above the others in the class, which isn't the point, really, is it?

My DS has said to me in the past, so and so's mum stays and helps us read, why don't you, mummy? Well I have to go to work, son. But he can't really understand that.

I try and do as much as I can with the avalanche of homework he gets (aged 6!) and attending parents' evenings, school fairs, and the like, and if I was a SAHM I would do more, but NOT in his class. It's not fair on him or the others.

sunnysideup - I am in almost exactly the same position - DS2 is 4 and an August baby. And he is quite sensitive/ clingy anyway, so I was worried about this when he started in Reception.

Last term he was only doing half-days so I didn't help in the classroom, but sinec January I've been going in every week for about 1.5 hours.

It doesn't seem disruptive, and moreover he LOVES it. I'm afraid it's true that there seems to be a bit of a 'status' thing going on with the kids whose Mums come in.

Before I started I had a chat with him about what I would be doing, and how I had to treat him fairly, and do stuff with the other kids etc etc. To be honest, the teacher should manage it properly too - for the first couple of weeks she always put DS2 in the group doing stuff with me first.

There are other pros I think too. You get to see what's going on/ how your child interacts/ who they seem friendly with/ who you wouldn't want them to be friendly with , and it also helps build up a rapport with the teacher/TAs so that if you ever need to chat to them about any issues then it doesn't have to be very formal.

DS2 likes the fact that when it's time to go home he gets to go out of the 'Staff' door with me!

Seriously, try it - even if it's just on an ad hoc basis.

Agree with you sunnysideup.

I will be starting to help with reading in reception soon, but school policy is that you go into the other class, not your child's class. I was a bit disappointed (was looking forward to a good nosey around) and am unsure what the reasoning is, but i'm sure it is for the best.

My DS's teacher has her daughter in her class, as well - but all year 2s are in one class with 2 teachers between them. Often wonder how that works. I bet she doesn't 'forget' to hand in her homeowrk or lose her school fleece all the time!

Not a school situation but dd goes to an after school activity and I am an assistant in her class.

It was a huge problem at first and we had to handle it very carefully. She is now OK and accepts that I am there to help the other children and that she has to do as the teacher says despite Mummy being in the class and Daddy running them but on the whole I don't think it is a good thing having a parent in the same class either teaching or helping their own child.

It's interesting to hear that some schools do have the rule I thought they would have about this!

Foxtrot it seems to be the reasoning must be;

parent helpers have an inbuilt conflict of interests, they naturally are looking as worsmith said to promote their child's interests....even if subconsciously they must be taking their 'eye off the ball' with the other kids sometimes....what if their child had an accident and needed dealing with immediately? The mum of course, if in the room is going to prioritise that, who's to say they would be professional enough to ensure all other kids are within sight? They are untrained after all.

Also they are privy to information about how all the kids are doing and depending on their level of professionalism may gossip with other mums about other kids..I've heard a couple outside our school gates! And that puts other mums in an awkward position.

For me anyway it still feels healthier for me and ds to keep home and school separate.

I hate mums helping

see cods thread about all the judging that goes on to see why

Julienet, thanks for that - I just feel it would also be a huge problem for ds so it's good to hear it's not just us!

oooo, you interest me strangely enid! Will look it up!

That's my point exactly, the people helping are not trained and not professional and do have their own preconceptions, some will be very quick to judge but not only that, to tell others about their judgements!

Oh - well, there you go! I cross posted with Wordsmith, and you couldn't get two more different viewpoints! That's Mumsnet for you .

I'm afraid I have to disagree though. I've always found it very useful and our school positively encourages it. In a school of 300, they have 90 registered parent helpers!

I wonder why some schools discourage it? I think it would make me think they were insecure about parents seeing what happened in the classroom, which doesn't sound very good, does it?

At our school all the parent helpers have to go to a meeting where they are told how to behave basically (!). Stuff like:

• don't discuss other children's abilities outside the classroom
• how to maintain gentle control
• relevant legislation etc
• how to discuss your role with your own child?

Anyway only you can decide what's best for you & your child.

oh i think it is absolutely terrible if people gossip about children if they help.. don't much like it if TAs nd teachers do it. not profesional at all. Should sign a confidentiality clause.

actually i think at their school there is a whole booklet giving info and such.. which i only read after helping for a while.. but commonsense would have stopped me gossiping. one mother who helps really annoyed and upset me making comments about my dd and talking about austistic spectrum disorder. (which she doenst have!) Perhaps she thought she was being helpful but it made me very cross - justifiably so i think

Sunnyside - re the ' eye off the ball' thing - a parent helper is there in addition to the required staff, so to be honest they are providing additional help and supervision, not replacing it, so I don't see how there would be a safety angle?

I our infant school the parent helpers are rarely doing what I would call the 'core learning/ teaching elements', with the possible exception of listening to reading.

For example, last week I spent an hour helping kids make kites, and then taking them out to fly in the playgroung. Had I not been there then this particular activity wouldn't have happened in this way, as the kids needed adult help with knots/ string etc.

I must admit I find it strange that so many people are so opposed to it? After all 2 parent helpers in a class mean that the adult/child ratio might fall to 1:7 rather than 1:15 which can be a huge help to the teacher.

It's very common for parents to help in their child's class - they do need to be crb checked though.

It happens in probably every school in the country.

As for a Mum being the teacher - well, I wouldn't want to teach my own child, and certainly in my school teachers and children are moved around as staff's children move up the school so they don't ever end up in the same class.

But, if the school is stuck for a supply, I guess it's a case of 'if needs must'.

I do understand your feelings towards this though, especially for your poor ds ( mine is a late august birthday too - so I've got all that to come!)

Is there a possibility YOU could go in and help out too?

At our primary school, although parent helpers are welcomed they are not allowed to help out in the class that their own child is in.

Incidentally I am not there in addition to the required staff at dd's activity, I AM the required assistant so maybe that makes a difference. I would go to her immediately if she had an accident, but that is part of my job, to look after incidents like that whilst the teacher carries on supervising the rest of the class.

She was messing around last week and managed to accidentally hit another child whilst swinging her arms around , awkward explaining that one to the parent!!

The main problem we found was that dd would play the teacher up, hence we are extra firm with her.

Wordsmith - re your comment:
"I know some parents who would use it as an opportunity to check out the teachers and promote their child's interests above the others in the class, which isn't the point, really, is it? "

• nothing wrong with checking out the teachers IMO (I've learnt a lot from DS's actually!)

• "Promoting their child's interest" - OK, so there may be pushy parents who might do this, but most of the Mums I have seen tend to be a bit firmer with their own child actually rather than focusing on them in the classroom.

If promoting your own child's interests means understanding where they are struggling/ learning their strengths and supporting their friendships outside the classroom, then I'm all for it, and would imagine most parents would feel the same?

Agree that discussing other children outside is bad form though .

in ds reception class and a parent goes in to help 4 days a week. in nursery it was for the whole session now just an hour after the register. i go in about once a fortnight and have never seen a negative about it. the children all benefit as there is another adult there at one of the tables to do an activety with them. with 30 children between a teacher and assistant i think they need as much help as they can get. i certainly wouldnt see it an opportnity to check the other kids out.

it works out about twice a term i go in and cook with the children - without the parents going in they would never get the chance to cook at school.