parents helping in their own child's reception class, opinions please!

[sunnysideup]

Just wondered about other people's experience of this, mine is not wide so I'd appreciate knowing what others think - I have one ds who has been in reception since September..he's one of the very youngest, he will still be four when he finishes reception!

Despite this and despite a quite clingy nature, he has been an absolute star and settled brilliantly, give or take one or two weeks of crying when I left him; his teacher gave him a glowing report etc etc.....and he's come on in leaps and bounds in all sorts of ways....

The ONLY issue he has with school is that he finds it very very difficult to accept that some children's mums stay when I go; there is always a parent helper, always one of the mums from his class!

Not only that, but the Supply Teacher he has today is also one of the mums!

Am I misguided, I really thought that helping/teaching in your own child's class would be a conflict of interests and not at all 'the done thing'!

What do you think/what happens in your school???? TIA!

I listen to readers in my son's Y1 class, and always hear the same group, which my son is not in. I sit outside the classroom and the children come out to us, so I don't really see what's going on inside. I also help in the library for my older son's Y4 class - that's just a question of signing in returned books and signing out new books, and possibly answering questions about where to find things etc. So no chance to be pushy or favour my child in either situation.

Message withdrawn

ASOLUTELY in own child's class... it's all about building relationships:
-with your child

• with child's friends
• with teachers
• with school

I think that Gameboys motives are the wrong ones for helping I'm afraid. Assisting in a class should be just that, helping the children with their education, all of the children.

Too many parents do it to interfere and being in the same class as your child can make the teacher's life much harder.

I helped in yr 1 when ds1 was in reception. School didn't want me to be in ds1's class, nor did I think it would be a good idea from a point of view of him settling in.
I still got a good insight into how the school functioned and got on good terms with most of the staff.

I have also done a no. of PTA activities in school over the yrs, which have involved my child(ren) at some point and it hasn't been a problem

Julie - i don't know what you think my motives are exactly. They're not about pushing or promoting my child above and ahead of others?
They're about working in partnership with school, which is exactly how our school promotes it.
If helping in the classroom makes your child feel more secure, and seeing what they do, so you can reinforce this at home, how can these be the wrong motives?

Is it really in your child's best interests for you to be in their classroom though. I think not. (and remember I currently work in my child's class at an after school activity due to circumstances)

i think it is, one of the reasons i started was when the head called me in to talk about lice. i thought, i hope they are not treating dd badly andtherefore helped out. was that so wrong>?

Julie - Yes, I think so. Why ever not?

I'm not just helping my child, I'm helping lots of the children. In 1.5 hours I might spend 15mins tops doing something in a group with my child.

I find out about what he's doing in class, which enables me to talk to him about it at home and further develop any interest e.g. last week we got books out of the library on a particular thing he was interested in.

I see what he seems to find more difficult. It might be something I can do a bit more of at home. A couple of weeks ago they were dressing up and struggling with buttons on costumes. I spent 10 minutes teaching them all easy ways to fasten buttons...

I meet the other children. It helps to know who his friends are and who he might want to invite round to play.

And I genuinely enjoy the conversations I have with the other children. I like the fact that they run up to me in the playground and say hello. Other parents say hello because their child has talked about something we did in class together.
It's all very community spirited.

Why are these such bad motives for helping in my son's class?

Successful schools are ones where there is a strong commitment to parent/teacher and school/home partnerships. DS2's school is a beacon school with an outstanding Ofsted report, so they must be doing something right!

In both the schools my boys have been at helpers have helped in the child's own classroom, though there are opportunities to become a reading buddy to other children and volunteer for admin tasks like laminating and mounting work.

It seems to work fine, and you're not in a position where you could favour your child. In fact, I never see my child when I volunteer, unless he is on the way to the loo or something.

Can't see anything wrong with it either.
I helped out in dd's class recently, and was put to work, supervising small groups doing writing practise
then got given massive pile of filing to do by TA ().
I came in handy as far as the staff were concerned, that was obvious.

I helped in my children's classes almost from the start - they liked you to give them a few weeks to settle before you started. Mostly I would be hearing readers or doing various Maths/Literacy activities either with single children or in a group, but usually at a table outside the classroom. Later on, as the teachers got to know me (ie by Year 2) I would stay in the class & help with Maths, going to children who put their hand up for help with independent work, usually just reassurance that they were doing it right or a reminder of the skill they were practising.
As they progressed into junior school I only found one teacher who didn't really want me helping in the classroom - but later (when I was working at the school) she told me that she couldn't think of anything for me to do!
When DS was older (Y5 &6) he preferred me to work in the other class in his year group, but DD always preferred me in her own class.
I would never have told another parent anything that happened in school - not even about their own child - that would be for the teacher to do.

Sorry, I've been thinking about this, and I think saying "Too many parents do it to interfere and being in the same class as your child can make the teacher's life much harder" is more of a reflection on a teacher's confidence and attitude rather than the parent helper?

A good teacher will welcome the help and manage the resource appropriately.
A less good teacher will see it as some kind of 'snooping'/ feel threatened by it perhaps?

In our school it isn't allowed. Helpers are put in different classes from their own children.

The teacher may welcome it, but in my opinion it's good for your child's independence to understand that there are some areas of life that mummy doesn't have to be an obvious part of.

And IME kids (boys esp) in KS1 are incredibly competitive and anything that may give them a perceievd advantage over others will be resented by some other kids and envied by others.

The two parents who've volunteered to help with reading in DD1's class are absolutely lovely. And frankly as one of them is my GP she probably knows far more about me - and indeed half the class - than a spot of reading will reveal.

sunnysideup - I had a problem with this TBH but I had to accept that it was what normally happened. Working meant I could never help out and I know that seeing other mums there and never their mum upset my kids. DS#1 cried every morning at school for 2.5 years and he kept asking me if I could 'teach' him like Nathan's mum . DD also kept asking me to come in and help. Very hard. However I can only say that the mums I know that did help were wonderful and only contributed to the childrens' day....just wished it could have been me.

Although there is a little jealous bit of me that gets upset when so-and-sos mummy approaches me and says how much DD's reading has improved recently. Not sure I like that. Teacher, yes, parent...not sure.

I think that the prospect of seeing you there once or twice a week might make your son's school experience even better. If you can do it I would.

wow, lots of messages, thanks everyone.

If there's one thing that I've learned since being on MN it's to be genuinely open minded and I've read all these in that spirit.

I can certainly see how useful the parent helpers are, how the kids get to do things they simply wouldn't if there was no extra help available, and how it's good for your child to know that you value education and help in the community.

But I think all this can be acheived by helping OTHER classes rather than your own child's. The only argument specific to it being good for your child is that of it letting you know what they are good at and what they struggle a bit with so that you can help more at home. Yes, that's handy - but I hope I get that sort of feedback from our teacher and TA about ds anyway.

So - parent helpers a fantastic resource but I still think better in classes without their own children in!

And it DOES create an issue for parents like me who want to keep home and school seperate and who have children who separate reluctantly and find the whole separation/staying issue a big, big challenge.

Mine are at secondary school now, but their Primary School used to say definitely no mums helping in reception - except to make up the numbers on school trips. Every other class it was welcomed.

I totally agree Sunnysideup

thanks julie