Reception class son not meeting targets

[mrgrouper]

My son is 4 and has an August birthday so is one of the youngest in his class.
I try to help him with his reading but he absolutely hates anything to do with school work.
I spoke to the teacher today who said he had not met his year targets. I am really worried about him and feel I am failing as a mum. It is difficult because he just is not interested at all.

If you do want to try and do a bit of reading over the summer, try your local library. The Summer Reading Challenge just started. The idea is to read 6 books over the school summer holidays (you can do 2 at a time so 3 visits) and you get stickers and stuff as you go along and then a certificate and medal at the end.
Books can be anything and you can obviously read to him too.

My son was exactly the same in reception (August baby), they were worried and he was diagnosed SEN. Now, at the end of year 1 he is right on track, enjoying school and doing well. He can read pretty well, writing is coming on and enjoys maths.

He was just too young! I knew he was, I wanted to start him a year later and the council refused. So academically reception was a waste and a worry for us all.

Compared to my nephew who will be 5 in September, they were poles apart, I don't think my poor son really understood what big school was, he had been 3 a week before he started.

I'm so cross at the system, it's awful for our children.

I am going to WH Smith today to get some reading and work books. I discussed with him about repeating reception and he went beserk crying and saying he wants to be in Year 1, so I am not going to ask about repeating the year.
I have spoken to my ex's lodger who is giving him a kick up the bum so hopefully he will attend a contact tomorrow.

Please don't push it if he isn't ready:( The summer holidays at 4 years old really shouldn't be about workbooks. He will learn more and gain more of the necessary motor and developmental skills being out at the park.

Oh, well. I do have to feel sorry for such children, really.
They are too pushed too early. And I wouldn't be surprised that pushing them does lead to self esteem problems and some learning problems as well, when they'd do better if allowed to develop at their own pace.
Support when they're ready, but follow their lead.

I think it's ok to do little bit of workbooks if he enjoys it. If not, it may put him off even more.

This thread had ideas for lots of fun maths activity.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/primary/2686714-Fun-maths-for-doing-at-home-with-reception-KS1-child

woke up in a more positive mood. I am doing teacher training (secondary school, Chemistry) and there is a great website I used for my lesson plan for the School Direct interview. Just checked and they have lesson plans for KS1.
Son is now doing a minimum 1 hour work per day. He does not enjoy it, but will bloody well do it whether he likes it or not.

That sounds staggeringly counterproductive, OP. It's just going to end up as a battle every day and he will end up hating school.

Back off on the sit down academics; think about what others have said about learning through play - writing letters in sand, water play to work on dexterity, counting coins to pay for milk at the supermarket.

I was absolutely hot housed as child. It worked in the sense I ended up at Cambridge (on a course I did not want to do, but it was still Cambridge) and a lead musician in the International Youth Orchestra. Only problem is I ended up loathing my mother.
I have tried to do the opposite with my son and now he is bottom of the class.
I think one hour a day is not too much, compared with what I had to do.
My son hates school anyway, so I cannot make that any worse.

Only problem is I ended up loathing my mother

Right, well as long as you are happy with DS loathing you.

There is a middle ground, you know. At with a 4 year old, that is not an hour a day, in which he will learn nothing. He's 4; the concept of "bottom of the class" is really irrelevant at this stage. Many many other young reception children won't be reading or writing at all at this stage. He's clearly had a traumatic year, cut the poor kid some slack.

One hour a day is too much.
10 mins reading, 10 mins maths is all that is needed. Also some of the online things like bug club for reading are much better than workbooks kids collect rewards etc and it's more like playing a fun game

Mrsgrouper, your ds is 4.

I think you need to take a step back, he has years of school ahead of him and a lifetime of education. Let him play, give him a break, introduce learning through play, let him grow a bit. Education should be learning to love learning, the way you are going I think you will squeeze that out of him.

I have tried to do the opposite with my son and now he is bottom of the class.

He's 4. 4.

My son hates school anyway, so I cannot make that any worse.
But you can make it better.
At the very least he should enjoy being with you. Not hate both.

Please don't worry he will get it. My daughter is an August baby and they are so little in reception. it will be like a switch and all of a sudden he will probably get it. we use a range of reading material and always have as some of the reception books are hardly scintillating. Try books for fun rather than reading to get him excited over the holidays i.e. factual books, comics, cookery books. My daughter has just finished yr 3 and reading at age 10-11 now to give you some hope!

also not easy but try not to compare with others in their class all children work at their pace.

Enjoy the hols!

Please please please do not worry.

I know this is impossible. You are a mother.

My boy is left-handed and the youngest in his year. He started Reception aged 4 years and 2 weeks. It was a total waste of a year. They put him on 'report' (home/school diary) for his behaviour, he really struggled academically, HATED reading, wouldn't write. ALL BAD.

I was so upset. I was such a swot at school! And he was - and is - demonstrably so bright. How could this be?!

Year 1. His teacher was more laidback and understanding. She saw his behaviour wasn't naughty - he just struggled with the whole sitting still and not chatting thing. He started enjoying school. Still shit at it though. He got extra help with his fine motor skills.

Year 2. Got the best teacher in the WORLD. Told me to stop doing reading books with him, stop trying to practise his spellings with him. He really came on in Year 2. Handwriting absolutely abysmal. Illegible. But the switch started turning on. He got extra help with his phonics.

Year 3 - move to junior school, everything upped a level. The expectations were way higher. He got intensive help with his handwriting and phonics, I started to pay for a maths tutor. He's just finishing the year - he's Expected in Literacy (on the cusp of exceeding), Expected in Science and Emerging in Numeracy. Top marks for effort in everything else - music, Spanish, PE, RE... He gets 10 out of 10 in his spelling test every week. He's on track to meet the bloody government's stupid '100 tricky words' spelling test at the end of Year 4.

He's starting to show his full academic potential after a slow start.

Please don't worry yet, and don't force it. His Year 2 teacher was wonderful, letting us abandon reading books and learning spellings. She knew you can't fill a jar when the lid's still on. My boy is just - JUST! - about starting to read for pleasure, and his reading age is a 9-year old (he's almost 8). He's doing AMAZINGLY. Yours will too.

mrgrouper , I read your comment on other thread, about what your ds's imaginary friend said about you.
It is very worrying. Is his achievements so much more important than his happiness?

And to take another view, say he doesn't exceed in all areas, say he doesn't have a reading age years ahead, say he does find things more difficult academically........what then? He can still have a love of learning, he can still achieve and learn and progress, but not if he feels pushed and pressured to be somewhere and something that he isn't (or isn't just yet).

irvineoneohone
It IS very worrying. When I had money (before March this year) I used to take him to a child psychologist who thought he was suffering from an adjustment disorder following the breakdown of my marriage. It did not help that we had to move house due to friends and associates of my ex turning up at random times shouting abuse at me while he was in the house. Then we went to court and they painted me as a drug addict, violent, totally mental, house full of dog poo. Thankfully Cafcass saw through those lies and it backfired on him in court. However it was terrifying going in front of a judge with those lies on official statements my in laws (yes they all made statements, even one in law I had only met once) put before the judge.
My son loves me but this imaginary friend thing is very worrying. I am taking him to the GP but they are really not able to help very much as they are generalists and not specialised in psychology.

TWO Big things:
First having an imaginary friend is a sign of intelligence and imagination.
Two be very careful that you don't put him off books and learning.

I would also beware of teaching him stuff he has already done in exactly the same way. It would be better for you to spend time having fun, explore his interests, and target areas he has specific difficulty with.
Does he know his sounds well? If not maybe you can find a different way to practise them.
Then what about blending?
Rather than focusing on last years curriculum (or even worse next years - my DC moaned when they came to something I'd already taught them). Do the local reading challenge. Do some sport. Do some fun science. Build good memories.

Next year you will have little time to build your relationship if you are training to be a teacher.

I am really sorry to hear that.
He must have been through so much for such a small child. (And you too. )
I think it's all the more reason to enjoy summer together, and have lots of fun.

I've looked at other threads and I can better see what some of the issues are.

What the imaginary friend said is worrying, either if it means a worry or a wish.

Considering it all, I would do and keep doing the very opposite of your mother.
You must show your son that you value him for who he is, regardless of any achievement.

At this age achievements shouldn't be scholarly anyway.
Have fun with him. Have fun yourself. Even when he gets older. And even if he continues to hate school. And even if he doesn't excel.

Where did excellence take you? Did you enjoy it? Do you use it?
(From someone with a PhD, so not levelling down, but who pursued something I really enjoyed)

I do take that approach with DS.
Get a feel for what interests him and follow it.
Show him that any school work is for his own benefit.
Do you like learning yourself or do you see it as a chore?

Pretty much every European country with a school starting age of 6 or 7 outranks the UK in standardised tests of literacy, numeracy and science by age 15...

Oh please try not to worry, there is a huge variation in children's progress in reception, especially for summer borns and especially for boys. I try to see primary school as a marathon not a sprint.
Try to see the school assessments as just a description rather than a judgement and keep in mind that how he does in reception does not determine how he will do generally through his schooling.
My eldest ds is now in y5 and he's ahead of his age range in all areas now.
He's a summer born and in reception he seemed very slow to grasp everything. He hated reading, he hated writing and was no great shakes at maths. He gradually caught up with himself and by juniors I'd say I could see he was going to be above average at most things.

What the imaginary friend said is a worry, not a wish. Since the court case his dad misses contact for weeks and I have to push his dad to show up. He feels like he has lost his dad and needs a lot of reassurance I am not going anywhere.

I really wouldn't push the dad for contact.
IME making contact more difficult has made ex respect contact more not less. And if he does go away, it's still better than the unreliability.

Yes, reassure him you're not leaving, and part of that is showing him that you're happy with him regardless of how he does in school.
Do what he wants to do rather than what you think he should be doing.
School is something to endure, mostly, and he has plenty of time to catch up and make the most of it.

Home is to relax and have fun.