TA picking on my DD

[mrbear444]

DD2 is in Year 4 but DD1 left last year and had had problems with a particular TA in her class so much so that she told me her friends had commented on it. She hadn't mentioned much to me beyond MrsX is mean etc but I did the normal support the school kind of thing. Throughout the year DD2 has told me a bout more and more incidents regarding this particular TA and what she has said to my DD. It comes and goes but again tonight she has said MrsX is being mean again. Yesterday she came home with ink on her trousers and shirt which won't come off now , grr! When I asked she said her pen had exploded all over her, her CM gave me the same explanation as the teacher had told her the same thing when she picked her up . Today she told me what happened more. After this happened some other children thought it would be fun to do the same thing. One child did it and was told off by the teacher, then another child did it three times. The teacher was cross and said to him that DDs was an accident but the others were clearly copycats and the child who did it three times was sent to another class. this was in front of the whole class, but after the teacher got on with the lesson the TA came over to DD and started to have a go at her for wasting expensive pens and said if she did it again she would be sent to the head teacher and have a letter home. DD was upset as she said the teacher had made it clear she understood it was a mistake and even the boy who did it three times didn't get that threatened to him.
I have mentioned my concerns before to the teacher by way of saying that DD feels this TA doesn't like her and gave a few examples of minor incidents but this is getting tot he point of bullying.
BTW this is the kind of school that if you make waves they take it out on your children. What can I do, i haven't made waves and this is what's happening I'm concerned it will be worse for her if I act.

irvine I believe that the TA who did the dragging and the TA who OP'd DD thinks doesn't like her are two different TAs which makes the whole thing even stranger.

But yes, why would you go to someone you think doesn't like you if you're upset?

Please go into this meeting with an open mind. Your Dd does sound like she knows how to get your attention. Please don't be one of those parents who won't listen when told the facts because 'my snowflake would never do/say that'. Even the sweetest children lie sometimes or exaggerate the truth then don't have the emotional maturity to come clean. However enabling them does them no favour what so ever.

I don't blanket believe my dcs, I look at the situation and facts and the truth usually comes out whether they are telling the truth or embellishing facts for attention.

OK so I was snarky with longlost but that was because she is making up facts about my DDs behaviour and mine,things like arm flailing and the rest. Yes I am open to ideas, that's why I posted. Nowhere have I said I know what happened, i have only come on here to ask if anyone else has had any similar experiences and how they dealt with them. As I have said I have arranged a meeting to find out exactly why DD was upset not as some of you have decided to have this TA sacked. I know there are 2 sides to every story and I want to hear both, thus the meeting. . If as some of you are suggesting that my DD is a mean conniving scheming bitch that goes out of her way to try and sack TAs for fun I should like to know about it, I need to know about it and I need to work with the school to discover why she is exhibiting such atrocious behaviour and how we can change it - i know longlost wasn't advocating hitting her I was being snarky. I am not at school with her all day all I can do is respond to what I hear from her by asking the school for more information. If as some of you are suggesting that there was a valid reason for DD to be pulled by the arm then I am willing to listen if she was in danger, refused to move, was having a tantrum or trying to thump the teacher I need to know about it. I am a teacher and work with extremely difficult children, and parents, and I do know what children are like and that they do not always tell the truth.
I am only responding to what DD has told me by looking for advice. I have not made a big deal of it at home I have come on here to find out more. Not sure where all the scenes , attention seeking and the like come from DD doesn't know what I'm doing. I am not overeacting to the situation with DD I curerently haven't reacted at all so please read what I have said about saying I'm being open minded. I haven't suggested anything else.
I have possibly overreacted to longlost telling me my DD is definitely lying, when all she could have done is merely point out the possibility that she could be - which I would have agreed with. How does she know for certain it didn't happen. I don't know for certain it did.
I just want to know why she is upset - forgive me for recognising my DD has feelings, rather than telling her she's lying and she has no reason to feel sad. She has been bullied and beaten up at school by other children I'm not suggesting the TAs are doing it too, maybe it is attention seeking, but there is a small possibility that it might have happened. Forgive me if I just want to check the facts. And perhaps it might be worth looking at what I said and not what longlost made up happened before you flame me too.

And once again thank you to people who come on mumsnet to actually offer help.

Update : Just got back from school. School had looked into what had made her upset, that was all i had said in my letter. Turns out everything DD said was absolutely true.
So glad I stuck with my gut and trusted my DD. Sometimes children do tell the truth.

So glad you're getting somewhere OP hope your DD is okay?

Did they give a reason for her being dragged bear?
Are they following up this TA's actions, or are they happy with how she handled (pardon the pun ) your dd's situation?

Are you happy with how the meeting went?

Good news - what are they going to do about the TA?

I really wanted just to find out exactly what happened. DD has extremely low self esteem as a result of dyslexia, being bullied and having been beaten up at school. It wasn't so much what the TA did but how it made her feel. She had been so happy at school for the first time in a while and it doesn't take a lot to set her back. Maybe why I was very defensive with longlost .
School have dealt with it internally, head was clearly really angry about what happened. I made it clear we didn't want to lodge a formal complaint . I don't need the TA to lose her job to make me feel better I just need to know that the TA knows that if she does it to DD or anyone else she isn't going to be able to get away with it. I was really pleased with the way the head dealt with it, mostly about keeping DD out of the whole thing. She established all the facts without having to talk to DD at all. DD happy again, she has got over it now just took a couple of days, I'm happy. TA still got her job. All's well.
Hope that's the last of it now, bee a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. thanks for the support.

Please you had meeting.
Well I never, turned out it was true. Some MN'ers may be eating their words!!

Please please OP, get minutes of meeting, or better still write down your version and ask Head the put in writing that this is correct, and what her plan of action is.

Trust me, I learnt the hard way. Get it in writing, that Head said .....1,2,3/a,b,c.
Ask for confirmation in writing.
If you don't get it now, it's harder later.

Good result and glad your dd is happier now.