Private Primary - are you glad you chose it?

[Needmorewine]

State schools in our area are fine but not great. Oversubscribed, large classes, not great wraparound care. A lot of people are SAHM and make up for any shortcomings at home, but that won't be an option as I will be working FT (not just to fund private school - I want to work anyway!) We have found a lovely nurturing independent school for DD. DH salary pays mortgage, bills, - mine will go half on school fees. We will still be better off than we are now (currently a student!) but it feels like a huge commitment. Before we bite the bullet and put our deposit down I wanted to ask for some experiences of private primary and if you are/were happy with the end result. We're not doing it specifically to get into grammar, I don't even know if she will be a particularly academic, but I want somewhere nurturing and where she will be happy and I worry so much she will get lost in a class of 30+ (she is quite timid). The independent class sizes are 14. Any advice gratefully received!

We have never had to use it but dd's prep offers holiday care including trips etc for a reasonable price. I think it's available for 4 weeks in the summer and a week of other holidays.

Worth asking what they have in place.

Inkymess, that sounds fab. Are you in London? I'm genuinely surprised to hear you say that not only is your school like that but all the others locally.
Most primaries are one form entry so often a HT, school secretary, 7 teachers and one or two TAs and that's the extent of the staff. Schools like that often struggle to offer a good range of extra curricular stuff. Great to hear about your high quality wraparound care too.

I'm sure many more people would opt for state if they had a school like yours as their catchment primary. It's why it's important to check the schools on offer locally rather than make a blanket assumption about state/private.

Our HT doesn't get het up about the odd week out for good reason. Loads of e.g. go skiing / back to India / to family events - but that is very HT dependant of course!! We have holiday club too - but locally there is also every type of holiday club available too run by local clubs and providers - sports camps, drama clubs, dance holiday clubs etc so. No one seems to struggle to find cover in reality. Camps are £10-30 a day depending on hours. Most offer 8-6pm.

I know they offer more or less full time holiday care at Xmas, Easter and Summer. DH gets a v good holiday allowance (he hasn't used it all the last couple of years...) and we could get family help as well if booked far enough in advance. I'm hoping as well as DD got older and made friends other working parents with children at the school might consider doing some childcare swaps - is that something that happens ?

From what I can see it's the same at half term and Easter as state schools (so what my holiday would be) with a week extra at Xmas and a week earlier in the summer and they go back two days later at start of autumn term. So I don't think that is a deal breaker for us really. And the holiday activities they provide look fantastic. When it comes down to it I think the only way I am going to be able to give my job my all and focus on it is if I am 100% confident about the school she is in.

I am going back to look around the school on Monday with my list of questions and do a spreadsheet of costs over the weekend...

Two or three local state schools have no holiday clubs, but there is loads of other stuff around for the main LA holiday weeks etc. They don't cover the extended private school holidays tho. Our holiday club is mainly used by KS1 DC and lots on YrN and YrR - when older they start doing activity based holiday clubs et.

In your circumstances I would honestly go state and hire an after school nanny to take her back to her own home after school, and enable her to have playdates with local friends. At this stage, these are really big things.
I was private from day one, and seeing friend after school required huge planning, and I was jealous of the ease my neighbours had. When I was a child, I got much better education at a private school. I think that is no longer a given.
For my own kids I chose to move to an area with a villagey atmosphere and a decent local state school. The local community bit has been absolutely great - they have loads of local friends they can just walk round to see. When I'm busy with work it's fab they can carry on with their social life!
The bright kids all get into the local selective private schools from state primary without difficulties, and the results from the state secondaries at GCSE & A level are pretty awesome too.
Private education is very expensive, especially if you have more than one child. It will cost all of the money you earn as an NQT. Yes, you can get good wrap around, but you will never be able to host a 'return play date' if you are working FT and relying on wrap-around. If you don't ever return the invitations, they stop being issued. Now, if you can afford private and a nanny, that would be lovely ;).

DD at private prep had 9 weeks summer holiday compared to the state six weeks. Plus an extra week in October half term and at Christmas. Easter also seemed longer. Just another thing to take into account. Even if the term time wrap around care is there. What about school holidays?

Good look with your next visit Op.

Let us know how it goes

Thank you everyone for your input. Off to have another look at the private on Monday but also going to try and look into a school hours nanny and see how that would compare. Thank you to everyone who has given their input.

Just realised I said input twice. Am definitely overthinking this. She can't even read yet.

Nowt wrong with planning early Op

There's a reason people say 'state til 8'. Or 11 in fact.
If you can get your child into an outstanding state primary or church primary, there's every chance they'll be getting a better experience as well as a better education at a state primary.
They will also get to meet a variety of children from different backgrounds, valuable for social and emotional skills.

I'd say save your money for secondary where you'd be getting value from paying for a school.

Framey but what do you do if your catchment primary isn't outstanding or a church school? And you want to go back to FT work because being a SAHM isn't for you and the alternative is leaving your tiny timid four year old in the chaotic before and after school club that is basically a dumping ground in between which she'll fade into the background as one of 30+ in a class all day ? I completely understand your reasoning and yes if I was going to be a SAHM I would happily send DD to the local school because I would know I could be around for her. But i have worked so bloody hard to get a degree and get on the PGCE and being at home for the next x years until I feel DD is ready to cope on her own just doesn't appeal - so what do I do ?

I just feel so frustrated with the whole situation. It just feels like I have to be resigned to giving up any idea of having a career (at 26!) so I can be around for DD throughout all of primary or paying ££ for her schooling so I don't have to feel guilty about the fact that she is in wraparound care five days a week.

If you don't think classes of 30 are good - why are you becoming a teacher?

Are you fine with giving a sub standard education to other pupils? Or, do you actually think, teachers can cope with 30 pupils?

I just don't understand why you think pupils get lost in a class of 30. But if you do think that, teaching doesn't sound like the right career for you.

There are much much cheaper ways to get wrap around care than a private school.

Child minder, after school nanny, au pair, school clubs. You use a combination of these over the years as they make sense.

Just like every other working parent does.

We opted for our local state over private. It isn't one of the "best" in the area. It's a bit run down. Very mixed area. Wonderful, dedicated teachers and a lovely atmosphere.

Our child is thriving. Yes, she is in a large class but I don't feel it has been an issue (and it is the same size class as I had when I was privately educated!)

She has lots of friends, from a wide variety of backgrounds, in the local area. This is really important to me. The school has a real community feel.

The downsides? I don't think the school challenges the kids who are more able. The huge funding cuts of late have also, sadly, hugely affected things. For example, we a a musical family and there isn't much on offer at school so I'm trying to factor a way to include it in the evening (I also work).

I still do not feel that private primary is worth the money and the hassle.

Dd is in reception at a private primary that will hopefully lead to her going into the selective senior school. We are extremely happy so far and the school fits with my dh and my working patterns.

We had hoped dd would go to our village primary but due to a large sibling intake last September she didn't get a place and we just weren't happy with where she was allocated a place despite several visits. We had always been considering private for secondary as secondary provision in our area is awful, has been on national news this week.

Dd is in a class of 16, there are 3 reception classes, she catches a dedicated school bus to and from school and the junior girls have looked out from her from the very beginning. This means we don't need wrap round care.

We manage the longer holidays with help from my parents, holiday club at our local Gym and using leave from work, something I can't guarantee during state holidays. I also work a shift pattern so half the holidays are covered by that. School does offer a holiday club but we haven't used it so far as we want dd to feel like she is on holiday.

When dd is old enough she will join our village brownie pack and intregates with local children at her tennis and swimming lesson. Play dates are generally in school holidays and parties are far and wide, but no further than my parents used to ferry me when I was young, we lived in a rural location.

Ultimately you do what you feel is right for your own child and family circumstances.

Ultimately thousands of parents of timid 4yr olds, esp summer borns have to opt for state schools as they have no option. Most thrive and by 5/6 are confident happy children in classes of 30 in decent schools. If you are going to feel guilty about never being there for your child at 3pm, please don't be a teacher. DC adapt to being at CM /GP or after school but most would like mummy/daddy to collect them at 3pm at least sometimes...

We've opted for state primary for partly financial reasons but some others too. A significant number of my friends have children in private prep. The main issues to consider are that (anecdotally) the majority of childten will have either a sahm or a nanny. State schools can be more geared up to working parents (appreciate this is personal experience). Very few kids at private will do in school wrap around 5 days per week and often these don't do homework so you then need to do at 6pm when you pick up. Kids in turn can also be excluded if their mum isn't out at coffee mornings with the other mums but at work - sad but true. You'd also need to cover much longer hols eg a friend had 4 weeks at xmas as opposed to 2 weeks' state and as for summer...

I think chalkhearts made a very good point:

If you don't think classes of 30 are good - why are you becoming a teacher?

Are you fine with giving a sub standard education to other pupils? Or, do you actually think, teachers can cope with 30 pupils?

It's a bit sad if this is the attitude of a trainee teacher!

I'm sorry that makes you sad clairesmum. From what I've seen most of the teachers I've observed do a fantastic job in the circumstances and saying they "don't cope" is very rude. However I'd be lying if I said I didn't observe that some children do slip in to the background and I've had more experienced teachers state that the class sizes can be a problem. At one point during my placement there were 9 children at one point all off with a bug and it was very noticeable how much calmer the class seemed and how much more attention the teacher / TA were able to give the children.

Again these are just my personal observations from what I admit is my fairly limited experience in schools so am certainly not saying this is the case everywhere.

Im not quite sure how where my DD goes to school affects my abilities as a teacher?

Is there nothing about your job that you would change?

To everyone else who responded thank you very much for your insights it's definitely made me reconsider a few things.

What a load of 'sub standard' twaddle.

Op your views of observation sound very apt to me.

Dd was in a class of 31 with one teacher and a part time TA. When I was upfront and said we were looking at moving our dd....the TA pointed me in the direction of two teachers who both had DC at prep to get some advice.

They are all fantastic teachers very well thought of.

Op hasn't asked for anyone's opinion on her career choice.

No, Fair enough, and I shouldn't have copied that whole passage. Out of interest, how would you respond If a parent came to you with concerns that their quiet child is slipping into the background?
Also, my ds was very quiet and we had similar concerns when he started school. He flourished in reception.
I hope you enjoy your new career and find a school that suits your dd