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Would you push for part time reception?

60 replies

Worriedlisa · 18/02/2016 08:46

Long story short as can't find other thread, my daughter is an October baby, very bright and loves learning however is a shy sensitive child who has always struggled being separated from me.
We have had to stop the full day at pre school ( started this September past to ready her for school this year ) as she was tired and emotional by 1 and was falling asleep or just crying wanting to come home.
We have now reduced her to 2 mornings a week and even that she struggles with as she just doesn't enjoy things where I'm not there.
She does ballet / gymnastics and swimming lessons and even there where I am in sight occasionally she will cry and need a hug or contact for her to be able to carry on.
The school she will go to start all children full time from day 1, no matter when they're born.
However I know my rights and I'm aware until January 2017 she isn't required to be in full time education however I don't think deferring the entry completely will help, friendships will have been made and she will be the only new child but is it possible she could go part time until before or after lunch for the first term?
I'm a stay at home mother so luckily that's not a concern with childcare, I'm just struggling to think of what to do for the best, especially as the headteacher is very straight to the point and really dislikes the part time issue so I already know I'll have a fight on my hands :(

OP posts:
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BarbarianMum · 19/02/2016 09:44

I think you should write and tell the Head that your dd will be doing part-time for the first term. Much easier to start that way and increase hours than vice versa.
You won't be able to pick your hours - that way lies chaos - but the school will tell you what constitutes part-time with them (often mornings only).
It is only for a term and will not harm your dd's education at all. And yes, 7 months is a long time in s child's life.

Worriedlisa · 19/02/2016 10:12

I wouldn't describe her as dramatic but she is very emotional.
Not just with me, but if she sees a worm injured for example she will worry how long it was in pain, if it's parents are looking for it, if it had children who will now miss it, things like that.
She is just very emotionally charged.
I genuinely don't think she wants to feel like this, sometimes I look at her in the mirror as we are driving there and I can see her trying to hold back the tears and she will smile and say I'm being brave and then she can't hold it any longer and the tears come.
I asked her why she doesn't feel like that when with daddy or grandparents and she says because she loves them and they love her.
She needs a lot of contact, which I imagine doesn't happen at pre school, she won't sit next to us and watch TV she wants to sit on our lap, same when reading books etc.

OP posts:
Inkymess · 19/02/2016 20:54

Even if you decide to start her 5 mornings, that's hugely more than now. I'd be working on seperation now with her. I'd be working towards 3 mornings a week at nursery and short activities where you leave her and then come back. You need to build her confidence and ability to be independent if she is going to thrive in Sept. Can you do a class where you start by nipping off for a coffee / out of sight for 15 mins and then build from there etc?
You have 7 months to prepare her for school.
Either that or homeschool yourself but accept that it may then be permanent.

redcaryellowcar · 19/02/2016 21:23

I'm really saddened by so many of the replies you've had on this thread. First and foremost trust your instincts, you know your dd best, do what you think is the best for her. I have a ds who is in his reception year at the moment. I spoke to too many head teachers who mostly were of the opinion that he would have to just get on with full days from the start, we sent him somewhere in September that gave all children a week if half days, we decided he should stay half days but soon realised he was desperately unhappy, so we took him out and changed him to a different school who allowed him time to getting know his teacher with me around, the teacher he now has was really motivated to get him settled and is very experienced and watches him to know if he's struggling.
He is very similar to how you describe your daughter. I really do think that you need to let her dictate the pace of her settling in, not the government who have decided when children start school. I wish so much that children didn't start 'school until 6 or 7 years.
I wish you a happy first year of school for your dd, and that you find a lovely school who will support you both.

Saracen · 19/02/2016 22:17

"You have 7 months to prepare her for school.
Either that or homeschool yourself but accept that it may then be permanent."

That is ridiculous. It is not a case of now-or-never when it comes to starting school. It really is not. Home education isn't a life sentence.

I am astonished by predictions that keeping a child out of school - or even part-time - for a term or a year will prevent her from ever becoming independent. I have known dozens and dozens of home educated kids who started school later than the usual age in this country. It is not a problem. Children mature. You don't have to DO anything to them to force that to happen.

The prospect of leaving mum may be daunting at four, but feels natural to them as they get older. It starts with visiting grandparents, and then they go into the neighbour's garden for a bit. They have a playdate with a close friend where they already know the other parents well, and then have playdates with other friends where they DON'T know the parents well. Maybe they move on to Brownies, or feel able to stay at dance class without parents. Then they end up on a week-long half-term drama class. They go into the corner shop while mum waits outside, then they go up the road to the corner shop alone, then they go further to a friend's house or the library by themselves.

Not all children are on the same timetable. But they all grow up.

There is something to be said for starting school later than four. All those little things which can feel overwhelming to small children at school are easier for big children to take in their stride. They can go quite happily for six hours without a cuddle or a nap. They can easily manage the toilet alone, sort their own clothes out, and have no fear of the hand dryer or the bigger children or the loud-voiced lunchroom assistant. They have the sense to eat their lunch because they realise they'll be hungry and crabby later if they don't. They have the confidence to ask for help when they need it rather than suffering in silence. They can go most of a day without someone who loves them by their side. I do know that some four year olds can do all of those things effortlessly. Some can't. The proportion of seven-year-olds who are still unable to do those things is much smaller. The simple solution to achieving school readiness is to wait.

OP, what if you aim for your daughter to start school in January and defer her entry until then? When the time comes, if she doesn't seem ready then instead of deciding that you should have sent her in September, you could decide that you ought to wait longer. The older she is, the easier it becomes to start school. Home education is straightforward and doesn't have to involve anything you wouldn't already be doing with her: reading to her, talking to her, playing games. You're educating your child already. In that sense, keeping her home past the start of compulsory school age is just a technicality. (The only serious disadvantage I see to this is that if she has a place at an oversubscribed school, she'll lose it if she doesn't start by January.)

Inkymess · 19/02/2016 22:27

My own experience of several families that started HE is that they never went back. The children wanted to stay HE and not go into an alien environment with loads of kids who were schooled and used to the institutional side of things - school is tough and tiring and sometimes very structured.
I am pro HE as a choice but that wasn't what op asked.
It's not a judgement - but a child that has never been in school may never want to go.
If OP suddenly wanted to return to work, it may not be easy just to send her DD later...
We are at an excellent flexible state school but a HE child starting in for example year 2 upwards would find it a huge adjustment and friendship groups are very strong by then..

Ragusa · 19/02/2016 22:30

Cripes, my kids have both gone full-time from the off because that was what was right for them. But thete are many many kids for who it is not right.

Prh is absolutley currect. The cards are all in your hands here.you can decide to send her part time, it does not matter if the school apparently don't favour this.

We live in an area where totally unschooled kids join relatively frequently in yr 1/2 and d'you know what? They're sll caught up in a couple if terms. France and Spain aside we have one if the youngest stsrts to full time education/ care in Europe.

Do what you think best.

Ragusa · 19/02/2016 22:32

Sorry about the phone typos Blush

Tumtetum · 19/02/2016 23:39

Lots of doom-mongers as usual, until the last few posters. Maybe you should send your daughter out to work in an office from 8-6 every day from now on and then make her cook dinner when she gets home, she'll have to do it when she's an adult so she may as well get used to it...

Do what you feel is right for your daughter. My DD started reception part time in September. In terms of picking hours, I was able to negotiate an agreement with school that was acceptable to both sides (mix of part and full days and one day off) and very gradually increased the hours. So they might be flexible, you never know. As far as I'm aware she's the only child in the 4 form entry school attending part time. It has been one of the best parenting decisions I've made. She loves school and is thriving, and I think going part time has meant she hasn't been overwhelmed. She's got lots of friends, it's never been a problem. Occasionally she comments on something the children have done without her, but it's not a big deal - we have fun at home together too. I have had wobbles about it, worrying if I'm doing the right thing, because it's hard to do something against the norm. Thankfully in our case it was right for her. Some children aren't ready to be away from their parent for so long every day; it doesn't mean she never will be. And if your DD loves school and begs to go every day then you can always increase her hours - you haven't lost anything at all but have allowed her the option of a gentler start.

Saracen · 19/02/2016 23:44

"a child that has never been in school may never want to go"

Of course that is true. It's true of four year olds, and seven year olds, and ten year olds. But if the parent thinks it's best for the child to go, they send them. I've known many kids who have started school after the age of four, including one of mine. Some of them have chosen school, and others have gone because their parents needed or wanted them to go. It's no harder with an older child. In many ways it is easier, as they really understand why they are going.

And it isn't just children who've never been to school who may not want to go to school. Those who have had unhappy early experiences at school obviously won't want to go. If I wanted my child to thrive at school and I was fairly sure she'd dislike it at the age of four, I'd not risk putting her off school by sending her before she was ready. I'd rather she started when I was pretty sure she'd flourish there from day one.

As for kids' experiences of "breaking into established friendship groups", I'm sure that varies, as shown by people moving house. It is sometimes difficult. In other cases it is quite the opposite. When my dd started school at nine, she had the novelty appeal and everyone wanted to be her friend. Nor was the overall environment hard for her to adjust to. She wasn't a tiny child; she figured it out very quickly. A big kid knows what is what. It isn't a major effort for her to remember to use the toilet only at breaktime, or figure out what behaviour is expected by her peers. Her classmates didn't really notice that she hadn't been to school before.

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