Would you push for part time reception?

[Worriedlisa]

Long story short as can't find other thread, my daughter is an October baby, very bright and loves learning however is a shy sensitive child who has always struggled being separated from me.
We have had to stop the full day at pre school ( started this September past to ready her for school this year ) as she was tired and emotional by 1 and was falling asleep or just crying wanting to come home.
We have now reduced her to 2 mornings a week and even that she struggles with as she just doesn't enjoy things where I'm not there.
She does ballet / gymnastics and swimming lessons and even there where I am in sight occasionally she will cry and need a hug or contact for her to be able to carry on.
The school she will go to start all children full time from day 1, no matter when they're born.
However I know my rights and I'm aware until January 2017 she isn't required to be in full time education however I don't think deferring the entry completely will help, friendships will have been made and she will be the only new child but is it possible she could go part time until before or after lunch for the first term?
I'm a stay at home mother so luckily that's not a concern with childcare, I'm just struggling to think of what to do for the best, especially as the headteacher is very straight to the point and really dislikes the part time issue so I already know I'll have a fight on my hands :(

I too have a very shy, clingy DD who is now in y2 and has made fantastic progress.

I'd advise not putting a time limit on anything, but discussing with school that she may need a slightly longer transition. Ultimately, you can insist on a part time place, but it might not be necessary. It may be enough for her to start with a very short session and build rapidly to full days over the course of a week or two. She may need to stagger this over a few more weeks, or she may settle straight in. The key is to keep it positive for her, and be flexible. And, IME, don't be afraid to push her slightly out of her comfort zone each day, giving lots of praise when she manages to do something.

Ask for a meeting with the teacher in the summer term; perhaps even suggest some visits during the summer term in order to help the transition in the autumn.

And good luck- I know how stressful it can be with a child who is anxious. It does get better, and DD1 is very settled and happy at school

We tend to do phonics and numeracy in the morning in our Reception class. However, in the few years I have been there, we have only had one child who was collected two afternoons a week - for whatever reason (but he was a summer born) - it did alienate him a little, children asked why he was leaving, he missed a lot of free play and fun activities which were all done in the afternoons, socialisation, games and so on. Not sure spending the afternoon at home with his mum was more beneficial to his learning - but thats just my opinion!

Surely home educating would only make things worse? It would reinforce the being with Mum all the time? Of course if you want to do that its fine but it should be a deliberate decision rather than a side effect??
A child in DC1's class had wednesdays off in reception as she is 31st Aug baby! So she needed a rest midweek. Seemed to work fine and everyone was happy.

I started June born Dd1 on half days in Reception. It worked really well and by the first half term she was doing 5 full days by her choice. We added an afternoon each week, starting with Monday, then Weds and Fri and finally filling in Tues and Thurs. She is a year ahead in reading and above average for many of the other areas, it did not affect her learning progress at all.

Dd2 is a different character so will start full days in September, she already does 5 afternoons in Nursery.

All children are different and you know your own child.

I applied in writing to the Head.

No home educating wouldn't make it worse! Why not support the emotional needs of your child until they feel comfortable enough to spread their wings themselves, often around 6/7.

I think you seem to have two issues, 'tired' and 'emotional'

Emotional might follow from tired, or it might not.

So first tackle the tired.

School is very tiring. DD2's bedtime had to come forward by 30-60 mins when she started school, and we did nothing after school at all apart from 1 swimming lesson. She couldn't even cope with stopping at the playground for 10 mins.

Just because she wasn't ready last September doesn't mean she won't be this September when she is a whole year older too, she will have much more stamina.

I would be tempted though to up to 3 or 4 mornings a week at pre-school if possible so she gets the habit of going in, and knowing you will return (to do something fun in the afternoon). But only if you think she can cope. Set the expectation that it will be fun and she will enjoy herself.

'Emotional/clinginess'. This will be worse when tired. However I do know where you are coming from. My DD2 had periods of clinginess going in to school all the way up to year 4. But she knew she had to go in and I knew that once in she was OK as busy and distracted.
DD2 used to come out of toddler ballet for hugs when 3 as she knew I was next door, but as she got older she became more able to stay.

So personally I would go for full time, but keep an eye, and if necessary take the odd afternoon out (key learning will almost certainly be done in the morning). Even if distraught on going in, chances are she will be fine. School will let you know if not.

I agree with HelsBels the children I have had who have done mornings only have always felt that they missed out on the free play and fun of the afte rnoon. (there is always free plan and fun in the mornings too but its different in the afternoons)
They feel that they miss out and I've yet to have a child who has stayed as mornings only after the first half term.

I would give full time a go. If it doesn't work, the one day a week off suggested above might work. If it's really a big disaster, then consider home educating for a year or two.

I also think children in this country start school too early

Whether the head teacher likes it or not is irrelevant. It is entirely your choice. If you want your child to attend part time in January tell the school that is what will happen. If they argue point them to the Admissions Code paragraph 2.16c.

OP I had a similar issue with my DS during nursery - he was so clingy his keyworker suggested I do 'grab and tear', I still think his scream the first time we did this will haunt me forever. Things that helped us at nursery were building up to five half days by the first half term and saying goodbye at the door. I felt sad that I could never go in and do activities with him but it worked better as he knew when he was saying goodbye. I was dreading the start of reception as I knew he wasn't ready. However we ended up delaying his start due to a move, so he just started in January, and I can honestly say it was the best decision we ever made. Because all his friends left he was forced to make some more but in an environment he felt secure in. His keyworker worked on phonics and numeracy with him and while he was wobbly on the first day of school, he basically hasn't looked back since. I know it would have been a completely story in September. Would this be an option for you? As far as I am aware you are within your rights to defer?

I mean rather than faffing around with half days.

Hi,
Yes we are legally allowed to defer but I worried friendship groups would have already been made. My sons had a few kids join in reception and year 1/2 and they have struggled to fit into groups.

Dd had a bulge class in reception pending the opening of a new school. So they had 90 starting. All started on the same day. Very capable headteacher said you know your children best. If you or they want to do part time simple tell your teacher. It worked really well

Worriedlisa, l had the same 16 years ago. Everyone seems to see it as something that you did wrong as a parent but it's just the way the child is. Fast forward my DD is a confident assured girl with top grades but more importantly she's a kind, thoughtful child. By the way she still likes to be with her mum! Unfortunately, it's a nightmare when they are young because everyone things there is something wrong with them. It's partly due to the fact that you are a SAHM and partly her character. She'll be fine but you will suffer lots of tuts and raised eyebrows along the way. If l had my time back again l'd be more assertive and demand that people give her space and time to get comfortable with new things. She's probably very clever. Do what you feel is right. You are her parent nobody else. Best of luck!

I would suggest telling the school that at present you want your dd to do 4 days a week for the first term.

Friends I know did this and have every Wednesday off. Really broke the week up into two manageable chunks. I also see a teacher upthread has recommended doing this. Doing 4 out of 5 days has had zero impact on friendship groups or learning.

Ignore people telling you to 'suck it up'! You don't have to.

Do what is right for your dd. You will know her best and what she will adjust to. Even as an older child in the year she is still young to be starting school by international standards. But see how it goes. She may surprise you and be fine and settle quickly, September is a way off. Maybe discuss pt attendance with the school before she starts but see how it goes. But if you can see it is not working for her then maybe switch to pt to settle her in. Learning done in the morning generally I think so would suggest going mornings only and build up from there. It's a tough transition for some kids and I don't accept that we should just accept that it's tough and they have to go all day every day. IMO they should have a happy settling in period rather than just expected to do it all from the get go. Good luck.

Work up to 3 full days at preschool? There may never be a perfect time to go full time at school but I tend to think it's better to get used to it straight away.

However I don't have experience of this - dd is also 4 and starting school this year. She is not very advanced and will probably struggle with some aspects but she's used to nursery 4 full days a week so she will adjust.

She might really enjoy school - it might be more challenging than pre school!

I think this is why the 15 hours free early years care is provided - to get children prepared for school.

Hi op does the school have a staggered start?
My dd is currently in reception and was 5 this week so pretty much half way as will be 5yrs 7 months when starting y1.
Our school had a few days of mornings only, then stay for lunch for a few days, then after lunch for a few days to settle the children in.
Lots of moaning from parents re childcare issues/Work but the school had their reasons and it did work out really well.
Dd is a great sleeper, had to do afternoons at nursery as she wouldn't wake up until around 9/10 so I was dreading her starting school at 8.55, completely different issue from yours i know.
Many children were crying for their mum up until half term and the teacher told them that if a child was that distressed after 10/15 mins she would call them but has never once had to in the ten years she's been reaching reception.
We had a rocky start regarding dd getting up ready and to school on time and had to adjust certain things like her tea time bedtime routine had to be brought forward. All children I know from her class were/are exhausted after starting school it's a big shock to them after part time at nursery so in your situation I would look to increase her hours to get her ready for September as it goes so fast. Exercise your rights if you need to but maybe let dd start full time and then if there are issues then the head is likely to be more agreeable if there is evidence that your dd is struggling with separation. Sorry for the essay

Hi again,
Her current pre school can't offer any more days than the Monday and Friday although can offer those full days so the plan was after Easter to have those both as full days.
The school does no staggered days, it has a day where the kids go in for 2 hours whilst the mums have a meeting with the early years leader where they play and listen to a story etc on a Friday and then the Monday they all start full time.
She is a very bright girl and able to say exactly how she feels, when asked what she doesn't like about pre school / lessons it's always the same answer, that she likes the people / kids / activity but she just likes me near her.
She said a few weeks ago on the drive there that it felt like her heart was breaking when I leave :-(
I remember when my son started the head saying if you opt for full time you can't change back to part time but can vice versa, I assumed it was for funding reasons or something? I didn't think of dropping one day, I thought attending every morning would set her in good stead for the full days come January when she legally has to be in full time

Hi I would maybe ask for an appointment with the head now so you know exactly where you stand. I'm sure the funding is in place whether part time or full time. It's a place regardless. At the end of the day she is your daughter and you know her best. Only concern for me is what happens if it continues? Obviously until compulsory school age you have certain rights. For example my dd suffers from asthma
And was off school quite a bit here and there. School said that I should expect a letter regarding her attendance being under 95% and i rightly pointed out that she was not At compulsory school age so there would be no legal ramifications etc. school agreed. However now she's 5 if there are attendance issues after the next term it is a whole new ball game, dd cannot help being sick.
You need to do what's best for your dd. good luck :)

I think you are focused on school and rights - when you are going to have to deal with this issue twice

If you opt for full time - she gets a clear message

If you opt for part time - she will have issues every morning - and then full time have issues every day

You are just prolonging the agony for her.

Sally,
This is my biggest reason for thinking maybe full time from day 1 is best.

I obviously don't want to prolong the agony for her and I think even if by July she is used to doing 2 full days at pre school a week having 7 weeks at home with me is likely to set her back to square 1 anyway so can't aww how much that will benefit

"She said a few weeks ago on the drive there that it felt like her heart was breaking when I leave :-("

it seems somewhat dramatic and catastrophisisng for being left for few hours with people who take care of her...
can you ask her to articulate more on this feeling?
is it about not being with you?
when she happy with dad or gps? what is it about nursery etc?
can you tell her you miss her too but you know she is having fun and being looked after so it's fine

and what could help her as she seems insightful?

eg having a lucky charm or pic of you?

I wouldn't. I thought about it for August born DTs who were still napping in the day right until they started school. I would drop all activities for at least the first term and just work on her confidence.

A lot can change in 7 months anyway.