Invitation only extra-curricular clubs?

[thinkingmakesitso]

Are schools allowed to do this? Ds is a little disappointed today as a club he wanted to join is not open to him for the above reason. It is for a fairly low-key activity (not sport) that would not require specialist equipment etc and I am not sure whether to raise it.

He is extremely well-behaved and the teacher running it taught his class last year and praised him to the heavens - I think is fondness for her is part of his sadness. In addition, and I know how this sounds, but it's true, a boy seems to get the biggest part in every play, has been council rep for 3 years etc etc has been invited.

In such a small school is this right?

My ds2 has been asked to be part of an invite only group. It is because his brother has SEN and is a lot of work and therefore ds misses out. It sounds like a club load a of kids would want to join but the children are selected and will remain in that club (if they want) al the way through KS2. Ds2 also has low self esteem so it is targeted to that as well.
The ds who has SEN was also gifted at particular subject and when he was at school he was part of an invite only club for that subject too.

Who votes for the school council? In my school it is the pupils ??

thinkingmakesitso can I suggest you sit on your hands and wait to see what unfolds as the DCs progresses through the school. By all means ask the teacher if your DC can participate in the sessions as he has expressed an interest. However, with regards to the rest, just let it play its course.

I've experienced exactly what you have described. Things may well change in years to come and you may be pleasantly surprised by the outcome.

Yabu. Many classes are now mixed ability so there are children of different abilities at the same table. I also would not take the fact that your dc says there work is the same level as the gospel truth. As for being pp you cannot know for a fact that he is not. I'm sure there will be other opportunities for your child.

If it's academic is he on the G&T register? My daughter gets to do extra stuff when invited.

No G & T register. Look, I really do know pretty much where this boy is at academically. The tables are not mixed ability and the teacher has told me they are both on the top table. When they were in a mixed Y3/2 class last year (as Y2s) both worked with Y3s throughout the year.

I went into school last year as I had heard from ds that this boy was making snide comments about him and excluding him from things. She told me that the other boy would, in her opinion, like to be more like ds, as, while they are both very bright, ds has 'something else' due to his general knowledge and air of being older . She described ds as so 'nice' and so 'different'. However, she also said that the other boy would be considered very able in any other cohort, as would ds.

I really hoped they would be in different classes this year but it was not to be. I am always encouraging ds to develop other friendships but he never has a bad word to say about this boy, though the same cannot be said the other way round . Mumtryingherbest thank you - my own dm said similar recently. She said to give this child a chance as he may soften in secondary school when more kids are around and his parents aren't such a factor in how he sees himself.

Well, this has turned into a bit of a drip-feed, sorry . How I have spoken on here is no reflection of how I have discussed this matter, or any others relating to this boy, with ds or his teacher.

Who votes for the school council? In my school it is the pupils ??

It is at my school too, but previous councillors may not stand again to give other children a chance.

I think you should speak to the teacher. Let her/him know that your child would like to participate in this club. Maybe it will be possible later in the year. What have you got to lose?

That sounds very unfair about the school council. If I were you I might suggest (if I could be bothered) that children who have been councillor once are disqualified from doing the job again. This is common in other schools.

If your son is really disappointed, you could certainly have a friendly word with the teacher in charge of the club. Ask when your son can have a go, or if there is some reason that he is not eligible.

It sounds like this other boy is a real thorn in your side. I would try to rise above this feeling if I were you. There will always be someone like this in your kids' world (who occasionally, sometimes unfairly, gets the opportunities and recognition your own children want and deserve). It is important to teach children that their place in society and their value as human beings is not related to anyone else's abilities, looks, income, GCSE marks, popularity, etc.

When my (now 11 year old) was a toddler I went to a Sure Start group that was for parents of Afro Carribean dc to learn about hair. It was mostly white mothers that went with their mixed race dc as they (myself included) didn't have a clue. My dh's family were overseas and so they couldn't give me any help with it.

Anyway, some of the other parents complained about it as it was only open to some. There was a whole hoo-haa as people wanted justification for why. The reasons were that it wouldn't have been able to target the people who actually needed the help if it were to take on everybody who wanted to go.

So they disbanded it. And all of the other groups that were 'restricted access' The breastfeeding support group and the young fathers group and replaced them all with generic 'stay and play' groups.

OP- honestly. Just ask the teacher. On Monday morning. It's the on,y way you'll find out.

For goodness sake, just ask the teacher!

My DS 'looks' like the class golden child: sporty, popular, top sets across the board and taken out separately for maths. But you know what? He has Auditory Processing Disorder, Sensory Processing Disorder and Autism. But he 'acts' the part amazingly because, well, that's one of his ASD traits. The result? He comes out of school fit to burst because he's held it together all day and will meltdown often once the car door is shut, I'm lucky if I get him home before the meltdown starts. He suffers severe anxiety and has weekly therapy, aged NINE, for this. We also have mental health issues in the family that have deeply affected all the children. But not one other parent in DS' class knows this - about DS or the family. They simply can't - even mum of his best friend whose houses they are in and out of a few times a week knows only bare bones. And this term DS has been invited to three 'invitation only' groups - one is called Dramarama and looks like a Drama Club - in reality it's Drama Therapy for helping with his anxiety and social difficulties. Another is called 'Circuits' so sounds like electronics but is actually a Sensory Circuits group to give him sensory feedback to enable him to cope with a day in the classroom better. The last is called 'Maths Booster' but is actually for children who are G&T and working considerably above their year group at maths at senior school level. I'd give anything for my DS not to be in the select few who get invited to these, as it'd mean his difficulties weren't there any more. I'd swap his 'golden child' persona that he puts on like a mask for the ASD to go any day. So seriously, take a look at your posts and how you're coming across.

Please stop saying you know stuff. You dont. Are you his teacher or a manager at his school? No? Then you don't know. Can you magine how irritated you would be if people claimed they knew all about your job because they go there regularly.

You've been to his house so you know he's not on fsm? What?! People spend their money in different ways. Oh and we had quite a few parents with very nice houses and cars and constantly going on holiday abroad who were on fsm. Their money game from weed - doesn't usually get recorded when claiming for benefits!

Oh for goodness sake - of course you can get a pretty good idea of people's incomes from visiting houses and talking to them. Both parents are in professional roles - they are not weed dealers but very well-to-do people. Yes it could all be a front I suppose, but I wish people would just accept that it's not, because it's really not likely to be.

pukkapine my ds actually sounds a lot like yours, though to a far lesser extent. He is perfect at school but can be volatile at home. I have had several threads on whether he could have ASD and have discussed it with friends, family, teachers and on this and other forums. I am always doubting myself and wondering whether I should be taking it further, but I never have. He has some other traits as well, but these have become less amrked as he has got older, so that is why I have never sought a diagnosis. It's often at the back of my mind though. That is why this makes me a bit sad- ds would never complain or voice his disappointment at school and I feel like he gets over-looked at times. This child, I feel, would make it very clear if he was disappointed - I have seen him behave this way at parties/ playdates etc. Has to be a winner, be chosen as a volunteer etc.

To all those saying I should just ask - I never do pick-ups or drop-offs due to work and there is no email given out. So to ask I have to request a meeting and leave work early, which seems to be making it into a big deal. However, as I have said upthread ex has asked but ds seemed unconvinced by the response. He sits next to this child and they are able to compare levels (school still refers to them) and feedback from the teacher. However, I have told ds he doesn't know as much as a teacher does and this is true. Just seems to be an amazing coincidence that it 's this child - again.

Sounds like a G&T thing to me. You can't possibly know the ability of other children in the class - you might have an idea of which other kids are doing well, but unless you're actually teaching them, you have no way of knowing their true ability.

Your posts make me a bit sad tbh - you sound so jealous and resentful of this other child.

So you know beyond all doubt that at no point in the last 6 years was he entitled to pp? And you're privy to the parents personal details, so you know there's no mh issues, family trouble, physical illness etc? And you've had educational assessments ran on both dc so you can state they are definitely equally able? And you're privy to the other boys medical/ school records so you know he doesn't have sn/ health issues? And of course privy to the personal details of every other kid at the club so you know it's definitely a golden child club?

Again. You don't have to be currently in receipt of free school meals for the school to be in receipt of pupil premium for your child.

You also don't have to be completely skint to be in receipt of free school meals.

You don't have to be an active service child to be in receipt of service children's premium.

You don't have to be skint at all to be in receipt of extended pupil premium.

You don't have to be G&T to be particularly gifted in one particular area.

You don't have to wear a sign to signify SN or SEN or to have any other AN.

...and most importantly. If you aren't the parent of Child A, you do NOT know everything about him - and neither should you.

I think you should just let it go. Tell your DS nevermind, and find him a club/activity outside school that he wants to do instead.

This reminds me of the parent at ds1's former primary school that used to regularly make sniping comments about how he was privileged as a TA walked ds1 out to me separately from the other children. "I wish we were given priority treatment." What. A. Twat. He was brought out by his TA because he has SNs and couldn't cope with the crush of all the students coming out at once.

I truly hate the "I know this child doesn't have SEN/doesn't get FSM/doesn't ...." nonsense. You don't know. You just don't.

OP, your ex has asked, clearly it's not something your dc is going to be able to do or they'd have offered it to him. You say you don't want to make a big deal of it, then why are you making a big deal of it?

Accept it and move on.

How many other DC have been asked to join this club? I presume it is not a 1:1 for this boy your are obsessing about?

Step back, and look at those children as a group. Can you spot any common traits across them all?

Thinkingmakesitso - could you send in a letter saying something along the lines of, 'Ds was really disappointed not to be able to go to the X club, as he's really enjoyed this in the past. I understand that places are limited, but is there a waiting list, and if so, could Ds please go on it, in case a place becomes available?'.

This might elicit some clearer information - maybe you'll be told that the group isn't suitable for your Ds this year, or vice versa, or maybe you'll find out it was a numbers issue, and this will register with the school,the fact that a child is feeling excluded by their decision - and maybe, if it is a space issue, they will be able to let him into the group, if a place comes free.

Wow, you really don't like this kid do you?

They are in yr three, so he is seven years old? Really take a step back and think about the way you are talking about a child! And yes some kids that age can be very confident and out going, they all have different personalities. But really you sound overly bothered by a child, who you say your own son likes and never says a bad word about....

You may know his parents but that doesn't mean you know everything. My kids were entitled to extra support in school for a time due to some mental health issues I had, the only person who knew the details was the head teacher and social services who were working with us.

My ds2 had extra support at primary, we were beginning the process of diagnosis of asc but again other parents did not know.

Seriously either speak to the school or don't but get over your grudge against this child. And I know it's hard to have an 'overlooked' kid, ds3 is that kid, so we make sure to support him at home and find stuff separate to school where he can build his confidence.

I really think you are trying too hard to deny the possibility this is a club with a purpose. ??At seven, your Ds sits next to this boy and they compare levels? And you suggest these are NC levels? I cannot imagine for a moment that the school levels every piece of work and that your Ds and this boy compare what they got. ??Is it not extremely likely that if this we an open club a letter would have come out asking people to join a waiting list? ??Houses mean nothing in terms of income versus debt levels really. You've been given loads of reasons why your Ds hasn't been asked to join, why do you care so much?

My Ds4 is 7 and yr 3 he doesn't have a clue what level he or his friends are at. They did sats last year and I got his level in his school report but it's not relevant to him so I didn't tell him.

I agree with sdtg send in a letter and ask if he can go on waiting list.

But stop obsessing over this other kid and what he is or isn't doing.