Reception/Foundation Class Teacher won't allow parents in the classroom! Is this normal or am I right to be unhappy?

[oliverae]

Hi,
My daughter is just entering her last six weeks of foundation class at school. The teacher, who I have always felt was quite closed to communication anyway, has now sent out a letter telling parents not to enter the classroom in the mornings. She wants us to send the child in and leave them to hang their coats, book bags etc and choose their lunches by themselves.

I have no issue with my child doing these things and understand they are getting them ready for year 1 but it feels as though as parents we are completely excluded from their class, their world for most of the week.

Does anyone else have this problem? Am I just being clingy? What, if anything should I do?

Thanks!

At our school, after the first 2 weeks of reception class parents are encouraged to drop the children at the school entrance, where a teacher or TA is waiting, and leave them to go into the cloakroom and classroom on their own.

The class teacher was always available for a word after school if needed.

At our school they ask you not to do this after the first 2 weeks, which I Think is completely reasonable to be honest.

Surprised that the accompanying children into class hasn't been wound down already tbh.

Perfectly standard.

I can see it's hard for you so have a manly punch to the arm

It's quite normal and tbh I think it's generally better for the children. It also means they can start their day straight away instead of someone having to herd straggling parents out of the classroom. One of mine was a real clinger and very teary in the mornings - it improved greatly once the children went into class by themselves. Also, much easier to start getting used to it now, rather than in Y1 with new teacher and new regime.

Yes, its a bit clingy and you don't want to be that parent.

All we can do is to encourage dc to tell us about their day - usually over dinner. Sometimes you'll get a lot of very tedious info, at other times just 'fine'.

My four year old will start school in September and its been made very clear that on morning drop off they are to be left in line outside the classroom and parents a are not to come into the classroom with them. If we want to talk to the teacher it has to be after class time and probably by appointment (not sure about that exactly). To be honest I can see the logic, a classroom full of parents in the morning would be a massive distraction for the kids and, given that some parents always have questions/some burning issue they want to talk to the teacher about, would likely delay the start of school by quite a bit if allowed.

It's the summer term! I am surprised this didn't happen long ago. At my DCs school they have to go in by themselves right from the start (which I like, I prefer routines to stay the same)

Entirely normal! Our reception parents are never allowed in the classroom - 30 parents plus kids would be chaos in the morning, and make it much harder for some kids to be left. Deep breaths, you'll both be fine

We have never been allowed in the children's classroom. At the old school there was a fenced area and no mans land between the classroom and the parents. In the new one the reception parents don't go in either.

Our school introduced this a year or so ago

They say they have saved so much time they can spend an extra hour and a half a week on maths

it was ALWAYS the same parents monopolising the teacher so if you wanted to tell them anything you couldn't anyway

My (shy, inclined to be clingy) DD always hated having to negotiate the door of the reception classroom with parents hanging around, getting in the way. She was much, much happier when they switched at the first half term to lining up outside the gate to the reception play area and going in as a class when the bell rang.

In DS's school parents were allowed in the classroom in the morning for YR and Y1. When he moved up to Y2 parents were asked not to come in anymore but many parents ignored the teacher and still came in to help with bags etc. DS is now in Y5 and some parents still go and hang the bags up for their children whilst their children are running around in the playground

We have never been allowed in the classroom. In the first week we were allowed into the playground and after that we had to drop them at the gates.

Completely normal I'm afraid - I'm surprise they've left it until May if you've been trying to enter the classroom every morning! It shouldn't be an aim to prepare them for year 1, this should really be happening about a month into reception at the absolute most.

Is there a particular reason that you need to be in the classroom?

We've never been allowed in the classroom either, even on their first day! TA stands in the playground with a notebook by the entrance and you wave them off there. TA makes a note of any messages for the teacher . Teacher brings them out at the end of the day. works well!

DS1's schools never allowed parents into the classrooms, and when DS2 started Reception at a different school I was pretty put out that parents were expected to come in, settle their child into class and even start them on some work copying out letters. I was most relieved when somebody new came along and kicked that sort of caper into touch.

Our school encouraged parents to go in to the classroom for the first term. After that it was wound back to only certain days and then not at all.

"it feels as though as parents we are completely excluded from their class, their world for most of the week" Really? I'm sorry but I work FT and only do one drop-off at school for DS per year - I take the day off for his first day at school. Am I being excluded from his world by not seeing his classroom at 8.45am?

I'm sorry but I think you are being really clingy - why do you need to go in there? What is it that you'd be adding to your daughter's experience of school that she wouldn't get from you waving her off from the playground?

We were allowed into the classroom for the first week, into the playground for the second week and told to drop them at the gate after that. Appointments with the teacher are arranged via the home school jotter or by phone call. I don't think you should do anything.

What reason could you possibly have for wanting to go in to her class every morning? You are not being "excluded", she's in school...

In our school they stop you entirely after the first week of Yr R, but a member of staff is at the door if you need to speak to them, sane for Year 1. For Year 2 upwards it actually relaxes again as parents are out of the habit of coming in, there is a 10 minute period of doors open and parents can pop in say to look for a missing sunhat or to have a very quick word with staff (typically if the child will need to leave early for an appt or similar). Very few parents actually do go in, but it's nice to know you can if you need to. It works as all classrooms have their own cloakroom with entry direct from the outside, I imagine it wouldn't work in a building with only one main entrance and corridors.

In my DDs last school parents were allowed in the classroom between 8.30 and 8.45 for reception, year 1 and year 2. I really liked it and so did they- they can show you a few things and it's a sociable friendly start to the day. It's not 30 sets of parents as not everyone can stay - I worked part time so it wasn't every day. It was reflective of the generally welcoming and warm atmosphere of the whole school.

Fwiw, I can understand why oliverae might be feeling excluded from her child's world by this. It can be a big step-change, when your child goes to school - you can go from knowing most of what they are doing during the day, to having very little idea of what happens.

And, speaking from experience, you know less and less as the years go by. You ask your junior school son what he did in school that day, and get a grunted 'nothing' - you know that's not true, but that's all the information you are getting! Unless you have a specific reason to go and talk to the teacher, you don't find out what they're up to at school until reports or Parents' Evening. Same goes for senior school.

Then they go off to university - and you may have no idea what they are doing for weeks on end. You may have the ds or dd who rings every week to chat about their life and their studies - I had to text ds1, a fortnight into his first term at University, to see if he was still alive! But I know it is part of letting go, letting him become independent. I do still miss not knowing what's going on in his life, but I accept that's where I am now.

And he's just graduated, and is applying for jobs - soon he will (fingers crossed) be working, and won't even be home in the vacations - he'll get a lot less holiday, and may well go other places, with other people, instead of coming home to his Mum!

Ds2's just finishing his second year of university - he is much closer to home, so we see him more often (usually when he wants to come and do a huge load of washing in our machine, instead of having to pay to use the Hall's laundrette ), so I have had more contact with him - but I know I still don't know a lot about his day to day life. And ds3 is off to university in the autumn, so I will be in a complete state of ignorance - though, in some ways, maybe ignorance is bliss - I won't be lying awake wondering when he will come home after a night out - if there's a major problem he - or someone else - will ring! And the same went for the other two - the difference being that ds3 is more of a social animal, and it will feel odd when all three are out there doing stuff without telling me about it!

We never did except on the first day. I've never heard any complaints about it. Most people don't on the first day even.

Certainly for my dc it was much better as it reduced the handover time which made them far less clingy. The more I stay the more clingy they get. A quick goodbye at the cassroom door, then a wave once inside suited them perfectly.
If I'd been able to go in with them I'd have been peeling them off my leg every day as the last parent standing.

Ours were always very relaxed at the end of the day so you could chat then or if your dc had something they particularly wanted to show you they could take you in then.

Totally normal. Let her grow and blossom. If the teacher were to let parents in, trust me, it would be a bloody nightmare. It would breed obsessively clingy behaviour in parents and stunt your child's experience. Let your baby get on with it. Of course, if your child is crying at the school gates, that's a different story and you will need support. This is VERY common, so don't worry if she is sensitve and clingy. Your role here is not to be sensitive and clingy (take that home with you, out of your child's sight... have a few good cries... we've all been there). I hope I don't sound harsh but I know where you're at. But really, it's the right thing. It's about the kids. My DC1 who is now in secondary was in a reception class where parents had the freedom to go in and out and IT WAS A NIGHTMARE. Parents would talk obsessively about little jonny appleseed's allergy to taffeta princess gowns or else some creature from the lagoon of deep hostility would be shouting abuse at the teaching assistant (but brown nosing the teacher, of course). I hated it! When DC1 moved schools and my other kids started reception at the shcool we moved to, I was delighted to let my kids skip through the gate and wave goodbye. No parents in the classroom. Fine with me. Let them get on with it. They're going into a lovely environment. It's not always fun and games. And you will have your gripes. But choose your battles and let the kids get on with learning out of your shadow. It's hard to let go, believe me, but you need to.