private school for stability?

[Moominmamma86]

My partner and I have a low income and for various reasons have had to move a couple of times since ds was born, at the moment staying with parents while we look for something affordable in our area (in South east near London so that's a challenge!)
Ds is now coming up to three and I'm really anxious about what school he will get into - wherever we move we're likely to be relatively 'johnnie come lately' for the best state primaries aren't we? And then if we end up upping sticks again I don't know if ds would automatically keep his place at a state school or have to move elsewhere. In any case, the catchment areas of outstanding schools around here are hideously expensive so we're likely to end up out of reach.
Into the mix is an offer from my parents to pay for ds to go to a private school. The school in question in unquestionably fab and I think my son would thrive there, also it would be a huge huge weight off my mind to know he'll be somewhere like that and not depending on what given our circumstances will be a bit of a lottery.
I know it's hugely unfair really that we even have this option so I feel a bit sheepish posting. Part of me feels guilty for thinking of sending ds there but I also believe my greater duty is to give him the best I can. Further complicating things, I don't feel we can wait and see what happens re state schools as by then it would be too late to do anything anything.
For the sake of continuity and ds having a really good education, should we go private? My parents can afford it and are happy to pay. But part of me thinks it may be an unnecessary expense, or maybe ds won't benefit from being the 'poor' one at his school. I'm also a bit nervous personally of trying to fit in with SUV driving yummy mummie! Am I worrying ununnecessarily? And does anybody else have this level of grandparental help?

Regular gifts out of disposable income (ie ones that don't affect the donor's quality of life) are exempt from inheritance tax, so wealthy grandparents paying school fees once a term don't need to worry about the 7-year rule or trusts for so long as they really can afford to pay school fees without it affecting their own lifestyle (provided good records are kept to prove this to the HMRC).

But I entirely agree with homebythesea, it is not grabby to discuss with your parents how they are planning to afford to pay the fees - it's showing due concern for their own welfare and ensuring they can actually afford to give such a generous gift without leaving themselves at risk in their old age.

And most people can't afford to pay school fees out of disposable income without it affecting their quality of life!

If I were in your shoes, I would take the generous offer from your parents. A good education and a school you thought is fab is just priceless!! If the situation changes and your parents, let's day, can't afford it anymore, you just have to find a place in a state school. No different if you had to move and find a place in other state school. Good luck!

I have just done this. My dd (5) was miserable at our local primary. I mean crying for an hour before we left, no self esteem, picked on at lunch time, square peg/round hole miserable.
My dad offered to pay half her fees until uni if we could meet the rest. It is IT savvy for him, he gets to see her benefit and we can manage half the fees on our income.
We are definitely poorer than most, but have been utterly welcomed by the whole community. i couldn't be happier, and more importantly, we have our dd back. She is making massive progress, being supported brilliantly by her teachers and loves going to school again.
For us it was the right decision.

Clearly your thoughts may have moved on as a result of earlier answers, OP, but just to reassure you that if you were to go down this route your DS would certainly not be the only one. There are plenty of DC at our DC's school whose fees are being paid (entirely or in part) by grandparents, and/or have reduced fees for one reason or another. There is no noticeable peer pressure around holidays, cars or anything else.

That said, all of the above depends on the school, and particularly in the SE I would look closer at the school and the general ethos (ask around, see if you can get to know a couple of current parents) - and if it makes you feel uncomfortable, don't do it.

Rabbit stew my MIL was advised that if she had to start paying for her own care (she's a widow) then this would class as an effect on her own lifestyle which would then drag the previous payments into the tax picture. That's why she stopped paying. No idea if that was true but nonetheless it shows a pitfall of having grandparents pay school fees!

In our case two previously very fit and healthy GP became ill very rapidly and one suddenly is needing full time care. Dependant upon age etc I think it's sensible to consider the future when agreeing the offer etc

My understanding is that previous regular payments that were definitely from income, not out of capital, wouldn't be dragged into the picture, homebythesea, unless when your MIL started making the payments, a fall in her income could be foreseen. Income is assessed annually and at the time she was making the gifts, she could presumably afford to make them out of income and expected to continue to be able to. Once her health deteriorated, however, the situation going forward was different and it was no longer likely that she would be able to fund her relatives' school fees without affecting her own quality of life or dipping into her capital (ie she could no longer afford to make gifts out of income). I don't think HMRC imposes any obligation on donors to accumulate huge sums of capital by saving their income year on year just in case their care costs in old age are unexpectedly large - while it's income, it's income, not something HMRC can insist you save and turn into capital to fund your care home costs in old age and therefore charge inheritance tax on if that's not what you did with it. However, I'm no expert!

Just wanted to say thanks again for all the responses. Still weighing up our options but I think we'll need to make a decision over the next week as places at the private school we liked are almost gone. Very helpful information and thoughts x

Rabbit stew- as I said, no idea whether what she was advised was accurate! However this was all quite a long time ago now and she's still going strong and we have managed to cover fees so it's all good!