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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

DD the only girl in Reception

63 replies

BrassicaBabe · 16/05/2015 20:10

We have b/g DTs. They are both at a pre-prep pre-school at the moment for 15i-20 hours a week. And we've planned for them to join the main prep school at reception in Sept this year. It's a lovely little friendly school. Lots of outdoor "forest" activities. I love it.

Having DTs meant we needed a nanny when I went back to work after a year and the fees are comparable. So when we visited the school and loved it we decided to suck it up for a few more years.

Anyway, I've just found out that DD could well be the only girl in a class currently confirmed at 10 children. But there is the capacity for 15 in their class. Is this a show stopper folks? Would being the lone girl at 4 yo and maybe onwards be a problem? Should I start looking at local primary schools? The local primary schools are all in the "ok" bracket. I wouldn't hate them but I def don't love them.

TIA
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Muskey · 16/05/2015 20:14

At four I wouldn't think it would be a problem as they get older maybe. But as you say there is scope for more girls to start. If you like the school stay with your choice and see how it goes

Queenofknickers · 16/05/2015 20:16

I can only comment on my own experience - this was me until age 11. It actually caused me issues in making friends/understanding other girls my age and I ended up being bullied. However I did rise out of all that but even now 30 years later I find female friendships difficult. That doesn't mean it will be your daughters experience but I expect I'm fairly rare in having lived it!

Floralnomad · 16/05/2015 20:21

I wouldn't do it , when my dd started school there were 3 reception classes( small independent) she was one of 3 girls in a class of 11 ,there were about another 10 girls in the other 2 classes . By year 2 her original 2 friends had left the school and my dd had great difficulty getting into other established friendship groups - we eventually changed schools .

TeenAndTween · 16/05/2015 20:47

The trouble is, it could be self perpetuating: Other people looking at the school for their DD, look and see only 1 girl in the class. They think - not enough choice of friends, and go elsewhere.

This has happened with boys in my DD's class which has been girl heavy since yR. 6 boisterous boys. A quieter one joins for a while, no natural friends, leaves. This has happened 3 times so far. The shame is that all those 3 boys would probably have got on quite well.

AtomicDog · 16/05/2015 20:58

Ten in a year is too small for me. Even if there was another girl (or two), there's no guarantee she'd like them, and then be stuck with them for seven years!
Find a larger school.

poppy70 · 16/05/2015 21:00

U think she needs to learn to navigate female relationships. Not that playing with he boys wouldn't actually be a nicer life for her in the ahort term. There is just too much female complexity you need to learn in the early years of school.

Springtimemama · 16/05/2015 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

BrassicaBabe · 16/05/2015 21:29

Thanks folks. Much food for thought.

We're in a rural area. All schools will be single class intake per year. Some having 2 years per class. But class sizes in the 28 pupil region. Also high numbers of special needs and such like.

Our school is the only ofsted exceptional to the state good. And the wide range that "good" entails.

Luckily DD has her mothers confidence. :-) Already her world is male weighted with all of her local cousins being male. And the adult female influence not what I'd want for my daughter; think 1920s housewife with the man of the house doing very little

As I say, much to think about. Thanks

OP posts:

Millymollymama · 16/05/2015 21:41

Do the local primary schools have spaces in September? You are now a late applicant if you mean Sept 2015. You might be stuck where you are. Presumably the pre prep is boy heavy already or are all the girls leaving? I would dislike a class of 10 and if there are only 10 in YR, is this school viable if they normally have 15? They are losing 1/3 of their expected income. What are the numbers higher up the school? Why are there not more children coming to the school?

yellowdaisies · 16/05/2015 21:50

I would assume that if there are 15 spare places then a class of 10 may not be viable financially for the school. The most likely course of action would be to mix them with the year above. Do you know what that year group is like? It may mean some girls but established friendships and them being a year older could mean your DD struggles, or just sticks to the boys.

A small private school near me lost kids and combined year groups, then they lost more kids whose parents didn't like the mixed year classes....

Original poster

BrassicaBabe · 16/05/2015 21:53

There are 5 spare places in the class. The school has a 15 max class size.

OP posts:

yellowdaisies · 16/05/2015 21:57

Ah, I misread you. So a bit under subscribed but not hugely so. I'd still worry that it's a very small class. Have you actually paid a deposit yet? If not, are you sure that the other 8 families all have? Or might some of them still be holding other offers?

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 16/05/2015 21:59

I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with it, little kids shouldn't notice or care whether their friends are girls or boys because it doesn't make any difference at that age (it's adults imposing a world view on them that makes them think differently).

But I would watch the other parents like a hawk for any gender-based-segregation tendencies.

beatricequimby · 16/05/2015 22:10

I wouldn't do it. Even if one or two other girls join there is no guarantee that your daughter will like them. I have had a dd in a class with very few other girls and she is much, much happier now in a bigger class with far more girls.

HowDoesThatWork · 17/05/2015 01:59

Small village primary for our three, the year groups roughly

No.1 (Boy) 5 boys , 5 girls

No. 2 (Girl) 8 boys, girls 6

No. 3 (boy) 3 boys, girls 1

They play with girls and boys, and they play with different years.

I like the scale, when I was at school children in different classes nevermind different years were a different species.

Italiangreyhound · 17/05/2015 02:06

Personally, I would not want my daughter to be the only girl, so I would look at contingency plans.

ooerrmissus · 17/05/2015 03:42

I think it depends on lots of things. It depends on how the school is organised; lots of smaller schools teach year groups together for some subjects, especially PE and art, so that would give her access to more girls. It depends on your child, some girls aren't bothered by it and some will only play with other girls IYSWIM. And it depends on what is likely to happen in future. I agree that it can become a self perpetuating thing; my DS1 is in a very small class and we have just lost the last girl. None of them left because of that issue but I do think it puts off new parents. In your situation I would wait and see what happens; you are going to struggle to get her into a state school for Sept.

I'd be signing her up for Brownies as a counterbalance as well.

Springtimemama · 17/05/2015 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Springtimemama · 17/05/2015 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkdelight · 17/05/2015 10:27

I wouldn't do it and I certainly wouldn't pay for it. So much about primary is about socialisation, making friends etc. This feels really skewed. You wouldn't send a lone girl to a boys' school after all. Luckily it sounds like your local primaries will have spaces so try them for the first few years. 'Ok' is fine, whereas a v small class with no other girls and paying for it is not fine imo.

AmazonGrace · 17/05/2015 10:45

I wouldn't do it either, have experience of a small school which is why ds now attends a much larger primary. It's nice having the smaller class sizes in Reception but as children mature I feel they need a wider selection of friends. In a larger primary if there are friendship issues at least children can be mixed up, a smaller school can also feel extremely suffocating.

BankWadger · 17/05/2015 10:50

Waves frantically at Brassica. We were on the JSing viroid threads together (I've name changed a few times since those days). Your twins cannot be about to start school! which is silly because TTL's DD is about too and is only a few weeks younger, but I'm in Scotland so have another year

Sorry for the off topic hijack

Hulababy · 17/05/2015 10:53

What is the girl/boy balance further up the school?

Getdownfromtherethisinstant · 17/05/2015 12:13

I don't think I'd want my DD in that position. I think you also need to consider that you'd effectively be choosing a single sex class for your son since he won't be with any girls other than his sister, who probably 'doesn't count' in his head!

AmateurSeamstress · 17/05/2015 12:26

I think it would be a showstopper for us and my DD, but it depends on your DD. Having a male twin herself puts her at a huge advantage in terms of coping and be happy, if they get on well. However I would worry about her missing out on the relationships with other girls - my DD's "playground politics" is so much more complex than DS's and in reality it isn't just 20 mins at a time in the playground, it extends into the classroom too. I wouldn't want her to miss out on that and struggle to pick it up later like QueenofKnickers.

Maybe visit the other local schools again (I assume you have already looked round) and see how you feel after that.

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