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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

DD the only girl in Reception

63 replies

BrassicaBabe · 16/05/2015 20:10

We have b/g DTs. They are both at a pre-prep pre-school at the moment for 15i-20 hours a week. And we've planned for them to join the main prep school at reception in Sept this year. It's a lovely little friendly school. Lots of outdoor "forest" activities. I love it.

Having DTs meant we needed a nanny when I went back to work after a year and the fees are comparable. So when we visited the school and loved it we decided to suck it up for a few more years.

Anyway, I've just found out that DD could well be the only girl in a class currently confirmed at 10 children. But there is the capacity for 15 in their class. Is this a show stopper folks? Would being the lone girl at 4 yo and maybe onwards be a problem? Should I start looking at local primary schools? The local primary schools are all in the "ok" bracket. I wouldn't hate them but I def don't love them.

TIA
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DocHollywood · 17/05/2015 13:09

10 is tiny even if there are more girls. The friends pool is so small that socialising would be awkward. Your twins would share everything, no chance of growing independently. Just my opinion, I'm sure there are examples of it working though!

MrsNextDoor · 17/05/2015 13:13

We removed my DD from her prep because she was one of only 3 girls and it wasn't enough...there were always issues with one or the other of them and I wanted her to have a wide choice of friends.

It was the best thing I could have done.

AmazonGrace · 17/05/2015 17:46

MrsNextDoor, same for us. It was the best move although I did have a few sleepless nights along the way.

Mopmay · 17/05/2015 18:29

I would run a mile. Stuck in a group of ten with her brother and all boys???

Mopmay · 17/05/2015 18:31

Boys tend to learn differently at this age. There is one very boy heavy class at our school (23/7) and is known to be much more challenging than the balanced classes in the year. (Pan 90)

Original poster

BrassicaBabe · 17/05/2015 18:35

Feck, feck and feck again

Thanks all.

Will talk to the school tomorrow first thing.

This is a right royal mess

OP posts:

TheEmpressofBlandings · 17/05/2015 18:40

My elder Dd has been in a boy-heavy year, generally 10/11 boys and 4/5 girls. It's caused no end of friendship issues from about year 2 onwards. It's a massive downside to a small school. We have now moved to a bigger school which has double the intake but still small classes and I can't overstate how much happier she is. She's year 4 now and in the new school there are just no friendship issues at all, it's just like a breath of fresh air. I'd never go for a school with the ratios yours has.

Mopmay · 17/05/2015 18:45

Did you apply for a state place? My DD is a real tomboy but plays with both and her best friends are actually other boisterous girls. Some girls in her class are in groups of girly girls who like princesses and quieter activities. A large school allows scope for friendships with different children. Quiet boys may not want t be with 9 boisterous ones etc

catkind · 17/05/2015 19:22

At 4? Can't imagine it being a massive problem. DD is embarrassingly sexist in mixed company, only wants to play with girls and wants to be with a "she teacher not a he teacher" and says so loudly. But she's happy as larry playing with the other two preschoolers at her CM's who are both boys, they're very firm friends.

I'd think - almost rather have one girl than two or three, in the latter case there's a risk they get all cliquey and will not play with the boys. Also in a school with such small years I'd expect them to play with and do activities with other years and other genders much more than in a big school. I'd see that as a good thing. Only associating with your own gender and your own age is not the most natural environment. Maybe ask the school if they've had that situation before and how it worked out?

All in all, if that's the school you like best, I think I'd let them start, see how she finds it all and go from there. Consider moving at the start of juniors or something if you're still worried then? Or sooner if she's actually not happy.

yellowdaisies · 17/05/2015 19:40

How does your DD feel about being the only girl?

Moominmarvellous · 17/05/2015 19:43

I wouldnt do it. I'm worrying about DS being the minority as one of 6 boys in a class of 30. I was assured it would be a more even split once official places were confirmed but I think I've met all the other parents and don't see where the other 9 boys will come from

mummytime · 17/05/2015 20:27

My eldest DD was miserable when she was the only girl to start going full time in her class (the rest did morning only for a while). She was also a very confident little girl, who knew lots of boys and would happily play with them one on one, but she felt so unhappy that they actually spent most of the time combining the two classes, so she could mix with the girls from the other form. She could cope with being in a boy heavy year, but she was miserable without at least one other girl.

I would also worry that if this continues that there are so many activities that I associate with prep school for girls that just won't be run (eg. ballet).

Springtimemama · 17/05/2015 20:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kampeki · 17/05/2015 20:43

Sorry, OP, but I wouldn't go down this route either. I certainly wouldn't pay for it!!

Have you actually been to have a look at your local state options? 28 in a class is fine, if it's managed properly. Also, my dd's class has a few children in it who have SEN - it hasn't affected dd's learning at all.

Minisoksmakehardwork · 18/05/2015 14:30

I'd do it if it were us in yr position. But I'd also enrol dd into a girl based extra curricular activity (guiding as an example I know personally). That way your dd is being educated at your preferred school, but will be able to make friends with other girls outside of school. Ime the units cover a wide area so there is likely to be girls from other schools. Also, the older years in your dds school.

thewalrus · 19/05/2015 10:10

With the caveat that of course you know your child and you situation best, I'm afraid it's another negative voice here. I was in a smallish primary class of 20 - began with 15 boys, 5 girls, over time it dwindled to 3 girls. I didn't enjoy primary at all (especially in the 3 girl years - 2 who'd been best friends since the start and me), and in some ways I don't think I've ever really recovered from it in terms of my abilities at female friendships (though that sounds more dramatic than I think the situation warrants).
I also have b/g twins (now in Y1), and I'm not sure I'd want them in that small a class - no matter what the gender balance. Again, of course you know your own children best, but for mine, it's been great that they've got 'space' within the class to form their own friendships (though there is also some overlap which is lovely).
Good luck with whatever you decide to do - of course nothing can't be changed, and you can only make the best decision you can on the information you have available. I think the point above about girl-best activities is sensible, as is the suggestion of discussing with the school.

thewalrus · 19/05/2015 10:11

girl-based, even!

tumbletumble · 19/05/2015 10:18

My DS1's class is boy heavy. At the moment it's 19 boys and 11 girls which is fine, but at one point a few years ago it was 22 boys and 8 girls, and I know some of the girls found it tricky then.

Blinkinwinkin · 19/05/2015 10:30

I identified a school I loved for one of our dcs after moving house but found out the class had 14 boys and 1 girl scheduled to start reception a few months later. The school tried to assure me the class would fill up and become more balanced, but I didn't risk it. Now the "other"girl is in my dds class in another school, so her parents removed her after a year. I think the whole class teaching style and approach changes for a class that is so dominated by boys too. Great for the boys, not for the lone girl.

thankgoditsover · 19/05/2015 10:34

Gosh everyone is being very tolerant to the dismissal of local state schools as having, horror, children with special needs. I'd rather that than a way too small class with no other girls.

OP how do you know your children don't have any special needs themselves?

redskybynight · 19/05/2015 12:27

Two years behind DD there were 12 girls out of a Reception year group of 60.

It was not too bad in Reception.
But these girls are now in Year 2 and their parents can't wait for them to move onto the bigger junior school with a larger pool of friends - it's really proving very difficult.

Mopmay · 19/05/2015 12:33

I noted the very odd comment re SEN and assumed OP had not even looked at state schools - no idea why OP thought there would be loads !!!

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 19/05/2015 12:34

We had this. DD was in a year of about 15 which started off with 3 girls, but there was the self-fulfilling effect mentioned above and she ended up the only one with 14 boys.

It was fine at first but started to be an issue by age 7, so the school therefore moved her up to the year above which suited her academically but it was making the best of a bad job socially - although she was better off there than with the boys, she was never really part of the gang, and when you're 8 or 9 that hurts.

By year 4 it had become a real issue and we moved house last summer so moved to a new school and she is so much happier now. (She's currently complaining because she was sick this morning and I won't let her go back to school today no matter how much she begs!)

MakeItACider · 19/05/2015 12:35

Ask the school what they will do about it. In DS1's school there was 1 year lvl that ended up with 1 girl, but she was very clever and they've moved her up to the next year lvl group with support.

It could be that they could do mixed activities with the Yr 1 class etc, and after a few years she might move up, especially if she is an autumn child and older than a lot of her class.

Hakluyt · 19/05/2015 12:35

10 is far too small anyway. But being the only girl would be a potential disaster.

Oh, and not to want to add to your burdens, I would be very worried about the viability of a private school that was 33% undersubscribed at this point in the year.......

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