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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

How did younger siblings cope with older ones at school

28 replies

PeppaPigStinks · 13/04/2015 10:27

We have a two year age gap and dd is due to start school in September.

My ds is almost 2 and follows dd everywhere! They play really well together and have a lovely relationship!

I think he will be lost when his older sister starts school.

I was just wondering how the younger ones cope!

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Sootgremlin · 13/04/2015 10:34

Watching with interest, was just saying this to DH the other day.

Little sister wants to be doing everything older one is doing, grabs her shoes if he is going out. When he's not around she hangs off me a lot more, doesn't settle to play as well without big bro.

I'm consoling myself with the thought that she will benefit from getting me to herself a bit more and going out and about together. Think I'm going to be feeling a little lost too though!

theknackster · 13/04/2015 10:38

Reminds me of dropping DS1 off at school nursery, settling him, then looking round trying to find DS2 (2.5 years younger). Found him at an easel, with bib on(!), painting away and all set for the day. Was not happy to be removed from the classroom!

longdiling · 13/04/2015 10:44

Mine were all fine! Much as they loved their older siblings they soon worked out that having mum to themselves was a pretty sweet deal. It helps that where I live they go to school nursery for a couple of hours every day from age 3 so they gradually get used to it rather than them suddenly not having a sibling around for 6 hours.

VeronicaCaCa · 13/04/2015 10:48

Dd loved having me to herself when ds started school. Plus she loved the walk to school, seeing her little friends in the playground etc. And the 3pm pickup really gave our day a structure.

They are both at school now and dd really misses the time at home without ds! I'm sure ds feels the same but as the oldest by only 18mths he never really knew a time with me at home without dd iyswim.

BL00CowWonders · 13/04/2015 10:51

It takes s while to adjust. Mine asked from 9.30 onwards when we could go and collect. Every day

Gileswithachainsaw · 13/04/2015 10:53

mine were fine. For the first three years. now she (dd2 now 4 ) doesn't want to leave the school and keeps trying to leg it to the infant playground.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 13/04/2015 10:58

Mine loved it and we have some really treasured memories of the things we did together just the two of us. If anything DC1 missed out as he never got that time.

Artandco · 13/04/2015 11:03

Mine don't like it. We only have a short gap so ds1 has started and ds2 will start this year. In terms of what they know, reading, writing, games etc they are both at the same level so ds2 isn't best pleased every day that he can't go with his brother to school. He's even jealous he doesn't have homework!

MTWTFSS · 13/04/2015 11:06

I'm dreading this come September :(

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 13/04/2015 11:12

We're now at the stage of the first one going to secondary school this year and I think DD is going to miss him at primary school, her friend's brother went this year and DD said to me "x must not love her brother as much as I love DS because she says she doesn't miss him at all" which was sweet.

Clutterbugsmum · 13/04/2015 12:34

DD2 was born a week before dd1 started nursery so although dd2 didn't mind dd1 took a while to adjust to both dd2 and nursery.

On the other hand ds hated it when dd2 went to nursery as there is only 18mth between them and he was so use to have his sister with him. He loved it when he started nursery and dd2 (early Sept birthday so had nearly 2 years at nursery) was still there from March to July.

DeeWe · 13/04/2015 12:35

The only time I remember them really noticing was when dd2 was newborn. She was born just before half term, and we kept dd1 off for a week, and the first morning back at preschool, dd2 just lat there trying to look around her with a puzzled look on her face, she kept screwing round to look behind her from lying on the floor. She only settled when dd1 came home.

For starting school dd2 quite liked the idea of starting school when dd1 did, but she was quite happy to find that as ds napped in the mornings we could do things together. But it was much more she liked to be busy and doing things than she wanted to be with big sister-she'd have happily started at a different school. They always loved pick up as they got time to playin the playground with other preschoolers.
Equally well ds loved the days we had on our own, and was quite put out to find that he was expected to go to school when he was 4yo. He's still not really reconciled to that.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 13/04/2015 12:39

DD2 was bereft. We did a lot of toddler groups etc. After the Christmas she started doing two mornings (6 hours total) of pre school/playgroup. Made all the difference.

redskybynight · 13/04/2015 12:45

I found that for the first week DD was bereft and after that she used to have to be dragged kicking and screaming to school to go and get DS ...

TheTroubleWithAngels · 13/04/2015 12:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iggly · 13/04/2015 12:47

Fine - dd started preschool the same month as ds started school.

VeronicaCaCa · 13/04/2015 12:55

Mine loved it and we have some really treasured memories of the things we did together just the two of us. If anything DC1 missed out as he never got that time.

^this.

Original poster

PeppaPigStinks · 13/04/2015 21:25

Thank you! Let's watch this space

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Saracen · 14/04/2015 16:51

My LO was devastated. She was too young to really understand. I think the school day felt like forever to her. To make matters worse, six weeks later dd1 went on a week-long school trip and dd2 thought she was gone forever. After that, every time we dropped dd1 off at school, dd2 thought she was going to disappear again.

squiggletea · 14/04/2015 19:15

Forewarned is forearmed, so I'm sure you'll be fine.

I think I was looking forward to picking up with DS2 where I left off with DS1 - which, of course, was ludicrous. Very different children with different dynamics and experiences.

Yes, pre-school the following November helped (I think I wangled some trial sessions in October) but there was definitely a deep sigh when DS2 did eventually start school. I remember my heart sinking when we looked around schools (we moved, so changed schools) and one school said DS2 would start after Christmas as he was summer born. We chose a different school!

It was lovely though. It's absolutely true that DS2 got so much more of 'me' as a pre-schooler than DS1.

Then there are all the emotions of seeing them on their next step...

dietcokeandwine · 14/04/2015 21:29

I think this very much depends on the age gaps you have.

DS1 was already at school full time when DS2 was born (5 year gap) so all DS2 ever knew was the school run and DS1 out of the house between 9 and 3 every day. Similar scenario for DS3, who was born when DS2 was 3 and attending preschool four mornings a week until 1pm. There was then no real adjustment for DS3 when DS2 started school, because DS3 would sleep between 1pm and school pick up time anyway.

I've had the occasional few days after the longer holidays when the younger ones have missed the older, but by and large all three of my DC have really benefited from that one-to-one time with me. And they all got it, DS1 included, because he had until the autumn term of Y1 as an only child. It's the biggest positive of our family's larger age gaps that I can think of.

bigTillyMint · 14/04/2015 21:32

Oh God, DS hated it - he was so bored without her. They are 19 months apart and have always been attached-at-the-hip.

Thankfully he was in nursery 3 days a week, and very happy there, but on the 2 days I was home-alone with him, he had me climbing the walls! I had to keep up a constant round of play-dates and activities outside the house.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 14/04/2015 21:36

Thinking about it, while my DC1 missed out on the one to one at that age, with only a 23 month age gap, he did benefit hugely from me being on maternity leave again between his second and third birthdays, even if he did have to share with newborn DD, he can't remember it but it was great being at home again for another year.

I think one of the reasons DD adjusted fine to DH being at school was that it was only 2 days a week when it was different as I worked the other three, she's always taken change in her stride though.

DeathMetalMum · 14/04/2015 21:41

We are approaching this and I'm not looking forward to it. We alredy do groups in the morning when dd1 is at pre-school and dd2 is so lost without her sister certainly not as confident. Also asking for her constantly. We have a two year gap and dd2 won't start pre-school this time next year.

gaahhnonicknamesleft · 14/04/2015 21:43

Mine were at nursery together (in same room) and ds2 was upset going to nursery without ds1 for a while. But after a few weeks he had made more solid friendships of his own rather than being ds1's shadow.

My next problem will be this September as ds2 is convinced that starting school will mean he is with ds1 all day....

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