eight year old daughter hating school, sooo unhappy - my next move please?

[evilpopstar]

Lovely bright eight year old in year 4 - loved school til year 2 - when both her best friends left. She has struggled to break into friendship groups and to get chosen for partnering which really bashes her low confidence. She is very shy and gets a bit freaked out by big groups. She briefly made friends with the class bully and came home crying for for months but I went up to the school who were a bit crap but I made enough fuss that they stopped that - but its left my daughter even more isolated. She is acting up at home - sulking and aggression - and has fallen behind drastically at maths. I dont think she is being bullied any more but just gets left out as she does not have strong friendships with the girls despite me inviting some of them here to play etc. She has started playing football at school and out of school which has helped. i cant work out if she is just very hormonal or if it is the school that is the major problem. There is a lot of bad behvaiour in the playground and other parents ahve complained that the school dont have a grip on it. I think she has become a fish out of water but I am also worried about her mental health as she is so clingy and/or aggressive at home by turns. She will talk about it with me - and says she is unhappy and just wants a best friend at school (she has two brilliant non school best friends) and I can't give her that. Help! shall I go back to the school (deputy head does eye rolls or runs away when i approach - think they are just sick of me raising it but what am I supposed to do?) , move schools, get her some CAMHS support??

Like the idea of a taster day at another school but we'd probably only get offered that if a place became available and as said before we are very oversubscribed here. 3littlefrogs what you say rings especially true. Dd hates injustice and complains that the school rewards the bullies and disruptive ones with parts in plays and special time. She has been saying since year 2 ' if you are good you are invisible if you are bad you get attention'. When I mentioned this to the deputy ht she got so defensive and annoyed.

But your DD is correct. That is what they can't stand.

Only skim read but larger schools with 90 intake do allow for greater friends pool and less like a pressure cooker. My DD would hate being in such a small group of girls

Is there any update on how this worked out for your DD, evilpopstar? I currently have an 8 yr old DD in exactly the same position. She has not been happy since yr1. Very difficult yr group. She is not thriving, in fact disengaging and very very unhappy. Teachers pay lip service but she feels the environment is more hostile for her since we have asked them to talk with her and help with the situation. Also very bright and aware of what goes on around her. There is a lovely alternative school but they are full.