Son broken his arm at school after being pushed over by a boy that has been bullying him for months

[lucyhughes2]

I am just after some advice on how we should handle this.

Sorry for the long story, just trying to paint a picture.

My son is 9. He started a new school in September and straight away he started getting trouble from a boy in his class. It started as name calling, calling him a failure, not wanting him to join in games at playtime and saying none of this family love him. We spoke to the teacher after ignoring didn't work and my son was getting quite upset (he is a sociable friendly boy)

The teacher got them both together and they seemed to make amends (although my son never had a problem with this boy and always wanted to be his friend) This boy said he would make an effort and make a fresh start. This lasted about three days and the teasing carried on.

Most days he tries to push my son out of line. Once my son pushed him back and he flung himself on the floor and made a bug fuss, this was witnessed by the teachers and my son didn't get into trouble.

He was taken to a different room and started throwing chairs and tipping tables.

He stares at my son in class and gives dirty looks and has stuck twos up at him a couple of times while the teachers back is turned. My son says he just shakes his head at him (i think this winds the boy up though)

He won't allow my son to play football in the playground and when they are all playing a ball game he steals the ball. I have said just to stay away from the boy and ignore him but as he rightly said "why should i have to stop doing things i like because of a bully"

My son gets on well with others in the class.

Apparently the boy has some things going on at home and this has been the excuse i have been given from teachers. I have been understanding of this but up to a point.

All i know of the punishments he has been given is no golden time, sometimes removed from the classroom. Loss of squares (their reward system)

It came to a head two weeks ago where he was pushing my son while at swimming. Then he deliberately trapped my sons hand in the locker. He was given the next morning as a seclusion.

Now on Friday while my son and others were trying to tidy up sports equipment a few of the boys were being silly and playing around. This boy didn't want to tidy up and my son was getting annoyed with him. The boy tried to jump over a net they were trying to tidy and another boy bumped into him and he fell on his bottom. He then got up and started aggressively pushing my son. he tried to defend himself and push the boy away but he was grabbed by the waist and flung on the concrete floor. This resulted in both bones in his arm fractured and an ambulance was called. He had to be put to sleep as they felt they would need to go into his arm and put a metal plate in. Luckily that wasn't required and he is now home with us with a cast on.

It has all been quite stressful, esp for my little boy. I am not sure how i should approach the school. I had to take my other son into school today and i saw the boy with his mum, they were heading up to the Head's office. I appreciate the school need to gather information about what happened but all they have said is that he will be in seclusion today and not allowed to play out for a week.

I am tempted to change schools but is this an overreaction?
I just keep seeing his smug face every time he comes out of the classroom after making my son feel miserable.

I kind of feel that this boys doesn't care about what happens and is never sorry, so what is to stop him doing it again. He probably needs some help and i am sympathetic but i am just confused on how to approach things. I guess i expected a temporary exclusion.

sorry for the very long post, it is sometimes easier to view things when you are not emotionally involved

thanks

I would make an appointment with the head, at the same time get a copy of the anti bullying policy.

I would then Want to know exactly what they are doing to keep your DS safe. If you are not satisfied yes I would move him. He sounds like a confident boy who will get knocked down by this.

I have been through bullying with my DS. It was resolved quite quickly but I still think he lives with some loss of confidence as a result

I would then Want to know exactly what they are doing to keep your DS safe. If you are not satisfied yes I would move him. He sounds like a confident boy who will get knocked down by this.

Yes and yes again to that. You are not over-reacting

I think the police should be involved. That is deliberate, serious assault resulting in a general anaesthetic. Very serious and completely unacceptable.

lucy, I'm so sorry to hear about what has happened to your son, what a horrible time you have had.

Did the school call you when your son broke his arm? What did they say to you? Did they explain what happened or did you get the information from your son?

Has the school contacted you since? They should certainly be arranging a meeting with you to find out what happened, but I imagine that perhaps given the serious nature of your son's injury they are giving you a bit of time and space to deal with that.

Whilst you can't dictate what action they take I feel that they should be speaking to you to get the full story before deciding on any final action. Given not only this incident but the previous incident where your son's hand was shut in the locker and the other incidents you've detailed it is clear that the way that the school is handling the situation is not keeping your son safe and they need to put in plan in place to ensure this happens.

I don't feel that your instinct to move your son is unreasonable and if I were you I would look into this anyway so as to give yourself options.

Personally, I would also be asking for a copy of the accident record book and asking if the school has notified their insurers of the accident as there is a possible claim for personal injury here.

to you and to your son. I have no advice other than what the other posters have said but can tell you that I would go absolutely ballistic if this had happened to my dc.

Definitely report it to the police. Maybe they, or another organisation (one with an interest in anti-bullying?) could advise you on what to expect from the school. I would expect proactive communication from the school as this is about child protection.

I would report it to the police - I think you'd be doing the school and the boy a favour if you did. He's clearly troubled and unless the authorities are notified, he's unlikely to get the help he needs. As for your poor son, he needs to know that if someone assaults him, you will report it to the police.

(Posted too early)
I would imagine that other parents must be worried too, and the head / governors etc should realise that any of you could vote with your feet. I hope you can get this resolved without moving schools, for various reasons, but I would definitely consider it too.
Best wishes.

Definitely get advice from anti-bullying groups and look at the policies, as far as dealing with the school is concerned. And what funambulist says.

I would also look around at other schools. My DS was caught up in a bullying problem at his school. The perpetrators never got further than lunchtime exclusion and nothing really happened until the two main victims left, when all stops were pulled out and extra teachers paid for . Some schools are not good at dealing with things and it is just banging your head against a brick wall.

Do what you can to help your son deal with this and come out a stronger person. It will have knocked his confidence somewhat. He sounds a lovely chap who has put up with a lot so far.

This seems to be escalating to proper violence. I would 100% report to police, tell the head you've done this and want to know how they will protect him. If the school is failing to protect him then I would report the school and obviously move son if it is possible.

Didn't want to read and run...best wishes to you both - hope the school is going to do something more useful for both boys.

This happened at my dc's school.

A bully broke the arm of another child.

He was always a troublemaker but all the school said they could go was take away golden time. I don't even think he was suspended. The council has a policy of avoiding expulsion.

The victim was taken out of the school. Awful that that had to happen but I would have do e the same.

Your child isn't safe there. I dont think you've got much choice but to move him.

How awful.

You are under-reacting if anything!

You need to make a huge fuss about it. Don't focus on the boy, as the won't and can't duscuss details sbout him or how they desl with him.

Focus on the school, yhe have z duty of care and an anti bullying policy, they have failed your don.

The school has failed your son.

Ask them how they are going to kerp your son safe, and how they will stop the bullying. Ask for all this in writing.

Make sure you write to the governors too.

Make a huge big fuss, or it willbe swept under the carpet and handled as "an accident"

Well, unless this is a different school and a completely different case, jackie harris. Stop projecting.

Make a formal appointment with HT, op. Discuss openly and honestly. You need to know that this is being dealt with. I suspect now that there is a 'real' injury, the school will be more proactive. I would be wanting to know that the school were involving outside agencies to assure that the second family is being dealt with.

It's hard. In reality, the fact that he broke his arm is a bit of red herring - it was a continuation of behaviours that weren't being dealt with, and not an escalation as such - he's been parking and pushing many times before. It's unfortunate that it took a fall after a shove for things to come to a head.

What does ds want to do?

as others have said definitely take it up with school, get records of incidents down in writing and any evidence you can as well, make sure they deal with it and don't brush you off your son deserves better than this poor lad.

Hope he's ok and his arm heals quickly x

It's a safeguarding issue. Your son has a right to attend school without fear of injury.
I would arrange a meeting with the head. Take someone with you and if necessary take notes. Follow up with an email confirming exactly what was discussed. This way you have paper trail.

Your poor DS

thats horrific, and to be honest, i would consider changing schools for your sons safety (if you can ofc) do speak with the head though

Gosh - sympathies.

Have never said this before on Mumsnet - but I would contact the police here...

Wow, thank you so much for your messages

I had a long chat with the head just now after she spoke to the parents. He is excluded from everything this week but is still in school, just outside the head's office. He is showing no remorse at all though. His parents are devastated and they are getting outside help for him. It made me feel sick when i saw them walking into school.

She has suggested getting the police involved even if to scare him.

If he carries on with no remorse this week then they will do a temporary exclusion.

If he does admit to things and is sorry he will be allowed out on the playground but it must be under full adult supervision.

There are some great schools in the area that he could go to but they don't have room for my other son (baby boom in 2007) My son loves this school as the teachers are fantastic and he has made friends.

I felt better speaking to the head and how serious she was about it. My husband has an appointment with her this afternoon and we will make a decision on how to proceed.

thanks again for all your advice x

It is a safeguarding issue.
The school has to guarantee that your son will be safe.
I would write a list of incidents, as your OP, but without comments about his home life etc, just facts.

Include all the times you have spoken to the teacher.

Ask to see the head. Ask what steps are being taken.

Someone up thread said that the school could only take away golden time. Well, the school can exclude the boy for short periods, and eventually permanently exclude him.

The head can't tell you exactly what they will do with the other boy, but if you are not satisfied with his/her actions, then make a formal complaint to the governors.

I would also call the police. They may not be able to charge if he is under 10, but the incident should be logged for future. I don't think the school can call the police on a child? I have heard that at times the school is relieved that the parents do.

So sorry for you and your son. Hope he is better soon.

Personally I'd be worried about the school - as I suspect the other boy could well have an undiagnosed SEN, which they have been sweeping under the carpet. The result is they have brought your son to harm, and the other boy as well.

The boy is under the age of criminal responsibility, but I'd be much more angry with the school. You have complained repeatedly, there have been repeated incidents, but as they haven't taken them seriously/acted appropriately your son has been injured.

Horrified reading this.
I think getting police involved is important at this stage as clearly repercussions like exclusion etc haven't worked in the past and the pattern is escalating.
On another note how is your DS psychologically after it all?
My dd had a similar fracture during re summer - from a fall from her bike - it was traumatic for all the family - so upsetting to see her in such discomfort and pain unable to participate in her school and activities due to pain and immobilisation of the arm (she couldn't do tennis PE gym swimming etc ). So not only has this bully inflicted additional physical pain he has ensured this lack of participation in these type of activities too. It s shocking to hear he might be unapologetic.
As an aside my dd is fully healed and her arm was a little curved initially but it s fine now. So hope your DS bounces back quickly.

It sounds from your update as if the school are taking action which is good. I wouldn't change schools yet if he is happy there.
If they have advised contacting the police then you should do it. I'm guessing it may help with building a case for exclusion.

I am surprised that the HT is suggesting getting the police involved, as the child is below the age of criminal responsibility - I can't see what the police could usefully do - but maybe the HT is aware of the police intervening in similar circumstances in the past.