Playgroup ASBO

[Bambino1972]

Hi, my 29-month-old daughter has been going to Playgroup two days a week for four months. She loves it and I think it is a good one. However, she still refuses to sit for snacks (she is not a snacker so simply doesn't want to ) and today they have said that since she continues to throw a tantrum when being made to, it can't really go on. She is the only one out of 12 children who won't sit. While I understand, they can't allow her to do what she wants when they have 11 other children in their care, am I being unreasonable in being a bit upset that I face having to remove her because she doesn't want to eat an hour after her breakfast?

I think even if she does not want to eat she should still be able to sit with the other children until they are all allowed to leave the table. I can imagine it must be hard with 12 toddlers sat at the table but one refusing to so it ends up being a 1/1 situation for a staff member. So I think yab a bit u.

I dunno, really

My dc didn't go to preschool til they were gone three, so we had cracked sitting nicely and all that shizzle at home before they started. Perhaps your child isn't ready yet for group care?

She has excellent table habits at home. Sits down and eats home-cooked food no problem three times a day, also in cafés and restaurants. She has simply never been interested in snacking on anything.
It is a fair point that she may not be ready for group care but she will go to nursery later in year and because I don't have any family support she is only ever looked after by myself or my husband so Playgroup was to be a gentle introduction to that. I would worry otherwise that suddenly being dropped in to five mornings or afternoons a week at nursery would be a more difficult transition.

totally understand they don't want 1 child doing things differently but they do seem to be being rather inflexible here - could she not sit quietly with a book whilst the others snack?
maybe ask them to look at other options before you have to remove her...

If it is the food aspect that's upsetting her then could the staff just offer her a drink provided she sits with the others for those 5 mins or however long?

Yes, or maybe ask if they can push the group snack time back.

?

I wouldn't expect them to change snack time for her and I totally understand she cannot demand all the attention by throwing a tantrum. As for suitcaseofdreams' sensible suggestion of a book, they said no. I have suggested sending her in with something she will possibly eat (I did not do this previously because I assumed they couldn't have kids eating different things.)

I am actually surprised if they are asking you to move her.

To be honest they should be managing her behaviour, and if they cannot they should be asking for advice from the LA support team. You may need to put pressure on them to manage her behaviour and not to be asking you what to do or to manage it. If they think she has a SN they should be saying so and encouraging you to get a medical assessment, otherwise it is their responsibility.

I am new to mumsnet so please do not read anything into me describing her age in months. Also, I do not know what SN is?

There's nothing wrong with describing her age in months - it's just that 29 months makes her sound younger than her actual age of 2.5 IYSWIM. So you might possibly expect less from a 29 month old than a 2.5 year old, if that makes sense. SN is one of the MN acronyms - it stands for special needs. If you scroll down to the bottom of your page, there's a tab you can click on which explains all the acronyms.

SN = special needs.

I'd move her. they should be managing her behaviour, they must be pretty poor if they can't and are demanding you move her.

I would HAPPILY move my child if they were finding it such a problem for a child not sitting at a table. 29 months/ 2 and a half years - still the same and quite frankly I think it is appalling that anyone would consider it a 'behavioural issue'.

I have no idea why MN nazis get so uptight about describing a 2 YO child's age in months. IMO there is a big difference between just 2 and rising 3 in a child's development and it's helpful to state the exact age. It's not infantilising the child, it's giving the full context.

I feel your pain as my 26 month old DD will not sit still to eat unless restrained. Could you give the playgroup one of the cheap cloth harnesses that fix to a chair back so that she has to sit still. Seems a shame that she has to leave a group she enjoys when she's settled.

They should be able to manage her behaviour. They don't sound like very good child care professionals if they can't manage your daughter at snack time.

I think they are being pretty rubbish childcarers if they can't manage this. My DS is nearly 2 and like a ferret on stimulants but his nursery workers still manage to get him to sit down for snack time.

I go into a LOT of settings each year,(Nurseries, Day Care, Pre-schools, Playgroups) who care for 2 1/2 yr olds, and ALL of them understand that you work with the 'stage' not 'age' of the child, and, if a child doesn't want to sit at a table and not eat a snack (lets be honest, which of us would ?) then that's fine, and you work around it. There are lots of ways to "do" snack, and it should not be beyond the wit of the staff to work things so she does not have to have a tantrum.
It's not your dd that's the issue, it's the lack of skill/flexibility of the staff.

It is true I think that if you think.of your child in months after 2 then you do think them younger than what they are, but that's neither here nor there. 2 is 2

Tbh I wouldn't expect many toddlers at that age to sit still and certainly not if they don't have a mind to. I think I would probably find somewhere else if they are so rigid about it. She's 2 ffs.

And if we want to pick.. calling anything nazi isn't really cricket

My DS is 25 months () and goes to preschool for two mornings a week.

He won't sit at the table for snack time, or sit on the mat for story time, etc. Sometimes his key worker sits him on her lap and makes a fuss of him and gives him cuddles which is nice, but if he wants to get down then he's allowed to roam around. It's only a small group though, of about 8 children and 3 staff members. DS is the youngest and does have SN (Global Delay) so he gets a bit more leeway than everyone else. The pre school is in a church hall so he's still in sight of the staff even when he's not doing what he should be.

why MN nazis

seriously??! OP asked a question and a couple of us offered an explanation.

Just spat my coke on my keyboard at ferret on stimulants Hedgehog.

I'd move the child if snack was non negotiable. Children do not need to be constantly nibbling like little lambs: it's bad for their teeth and doesn't help them eat properly at meals. The playgroup is unreasonable to insist on stuffing food into these poor children. I wouldn't hesitate to remove my dc in this situation. All the childcare settings my dc have attended have allowed them to opt out of snacks as it's not in our culture.

Might it not be possible for her to have a SMALLER breakfast, so that she did want a bit of something by snack time; or could she just have a drink?

I run a preschool and we take children from their second birthday
We don't make them do anything
We encourage and model it
But we don't have a specific snack time
We have rolling snack that us available for about 20 mins
But if they don't want it then they don't have to have it
The setting sounds a bit pants if they are insisting that 2 year olds have to do anyrhing
Is there anywhere more child friendly that you can send her to?